PG
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Hi PG... I'm sorry you are facing such a long break. And it's worse when you leave with trauma hanging in mid-air that you ran out of time to process with T. That's why I would avoid saying anything difficult before my T would go on vacation. Shopping and ice cream can help but also reaching out to others and talking on here and doing things with friends. Try to stay busy, journal each day so you can share your thoughts with your T and know that you will survive this. I know that does not take away the pain of her leaving... I would hate when people told me that...that I would survive his vacation.
To put things in perspective... I would be happy right now with a 5 week break because I have not seen my T in a month since he terminated me via email and I will see him for a termination meeting in the next week or so... and if I cannot convince him to see me on a limited basis while I work with another T... then that will be the last time I see him.
So that's how I know you can do this. We are here for you until she comes back and it will be fine. BTW, what's your favorite ice cream?
Hugs
TN
To put things in perspective... I would be happy right now with a 5 week break because I have not seen my T in a month since he terminated me via email and I will see him for a termination meeting in the next week or so... and if I cannot convince him to see me on a limited basis while I work with another T... then that will be the last time I see him.
So that's how I know you can do this. We are here for you until she comes back and it will be fine. BTW, what's your favorite ice cream?
Hugs
TN
Hi PG,
I've been through five weeks breaks and I know they stretch like an eternity in front of you. I want to share a few things that help me get through in the hope that some of them may work for you.
1) Don't try to do the whole five weeks at once. I know it's a cliche, but take it one day at a time. Telling yourself you only have to make it through the next 24 hours and the rest can take care of itself can help. Thinking about all five weeks at once can be overwhelming.
2) May I second TN and say do some writing. This always helps me for two reasons. Writing often helps me to sort through my emotions, make sense of how I'm feeling and connect the feelings to things in my past. Not quite as well as talking to my T, but it can really help reduce the inner turmoil. And when my T returns, I find it helpful to go back and read what I wrote just before seeing him so I remember anything I really wanted to address with him.
3) Do not underestimate the value of distractions, especially the ones that aren't particularly harmful. I happen to love playing solitaire and hidden object puzzle games on the computer. It engages my brain enough to distract me without making me worker harder than I'm capable of when handling this stuff. It's ok to spend some time self-soothing or being checked out to get through it.
4) This one only works if you really like to read fiction and you like to re-read your favorite books. Sometimes when my T is away, I will go back and read a favorite book. Again, I don't have to work too hard because I've already read it and (please don't laugh!) but seeing favorite characters that I love helps ease how much I'm missing my T. (Yes, I am quite aware they're fictional and I'm a little strange.
)
5) And to second June, mindfulness can help. When it starts to get really panicky and overwhelming, take deep slow breaths and remind yourself that these feelings of being abandoned and frightened were true at one time, but they're not anymore. You're T will be coming back and these are emotions which will pass while you will remain.
6) Last, but not by any means least, keep coming here and talking about how you feel. People here really understand how you're feeling and why its so hard. Being able to speak of how you feel and be understood can be a real comfort to get you through. See STRM's thread on her T being on vacation as a great example of how to use the forum for support.
There are really good reasons why this is so difficult so be patient and compassionate with yourself. It's ok that it's hard. Not a lot of fun mind you, but it's not a failure or weakness on your part that it feels this way. I hope some of this might help ease it some.
AG
I've been through five weeks breaks and I know they stretch like an eternity in front of you. I want to share a few things that help me get through in the hope that some of them may work for you.
1) Don't try to do the whole five weeks at once. I know it's a cliche, but take it one day at a time. Telling yourself you only have to make it through the next 24 hours and the rest can take care of itself can help. Thinking about all five weeks at once can be overwhelming.
2) May I second TN and say do some writing. This always helps me for two reasons. Writing often helps me to sort through my emotions, make sense of how I'm feeling and connect the feelings to things in my past. Not quite as well as talking to my T, but it can really help reduce the inner turmoil. And when my T returns, I find it helpful to go back and read what I wrote just before seeing him so I remember anything I really wanted to address with him.
3) Do not underestimate the value of distractions, especially the ones that aren't particularly harmful. I happen to love playing solitaire and hidden object puzzle games on the computer. It engages my brain enough to distract me without making me worker harder than I'm capable of when handling this stuff. It's ok to spend some time self-soothing or being checked out to get through it.
4) This one only works if you really like to read fiction and you like to re-read your favorite books. Sometimes when my T is away, I will go back and read a favorite book. Again, I don't have to work too hard because I've already read it and (please don't laugh!) but seeing favorite characters that I love helps ease how much I'm missing my T. (Yes, I am quite aware they're fictional and I'm a little strange.
)5) And to second June, mindfulness can help. When it starts to get really panicky and overwhelming, take deep slow breaths and remind yourself that these feelings of being abandoned and frightened were true at one time, but they're not anymore. You're T will be coming back and these are emotions which will pass while you will remain.
6) Last, but not by any means least, keep coming here and talking about how you feel. People here really understand how you're feeling and why its so hard. Being able to speak of how you feel and be understood can be a real comfort to get you through. See STRM's thread on her T being on vacation as a great example of how to use the forum for support.
There are really good reasons why this is so difficult so be patient and compassionate with yourself. It's ok that it's hard. Not a lot of fun mind you, but it's not a failure or weakness on your part that it feels this way. I hope some of this might help ease it some.
AG
I agree with what others have said! AG has a great list there. Five weeks is a really long time, but just like the two weeks I went through, one day at a time was the best way for me. I literally checked the days off the calendar. I tried to plan some things that I normally would not have done or had time to do as well.
Please keep checking in. It really helped to have my daily check in thread here and have everyone cheering me on and reminding me that I could get through the break. It really worked and before I knew it the break was over!
Please keep checking in. It really helped to have my daily check in thread here and have everyone cheering me on and reminding me that I could get through the break. It really worked and before I knew it the break was over!