Hi TAS, I am a long time reader of the forum. I only posted once but lately I have been thinking about posting from time to time. I have been in therapy with my T for 2.5 years. It has been positive in many ways but it is also very, very hard in many other ways. I actually related to many of your posts over the months.

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself a little so you don't wonder where I have appeared from .

My T did want me to be evaluated for meds. At some point, she did push quite a bit, although, maybe not as much as your T. Like you, I did not want to. My reason is that I am very conservative when it comes to taking any medication. I think that I had taken antibiotics only twice in my life. I know people who are even more conservative than I am, so to myself, I seem to be fairly middle of the road re meds. But compared to many doctors and it would seem also my T, I appear to be conservative. If I seriously needed meds, I would take them. But I definitely do not want to take them if maybe, they will help a little bit. For me, that is just not something I want to do.

Anyway, there are two things that helped me back then.

1) I discussed with a friend (with good boundaries) who said pretty much what Draggers has said. He said: LongingForStars, if you do not want to take meds, you do not have to take them. He said if T wants me to be evaluated, I can get evaluated but if I do not want to take them, I do not have to. It is as simple as that. I shared this conversation with my T and I think that it helped her understand that this was really important for me.

2) I did come up with things that would help me in other ways. Early on, I wanted my T to help me with them, but in the end, I just implemented them myself. I also thought that if T really insisted on my seeing a P, I would discuss these alternatives with the P. My idea was that I first wanted to see what the impact of different lifestyle changes was. These lifestyle changes included physical exercise, regular breathing/relaxation exercises, being careful about not having excess caffeine, etc., having a regular sleep cycle. I was also open to other suggestions/ideas from T or a P if I saw one. I imagine that having a regular fun activity outside the house and with other people might have also helped me. Like I said, in the end, I did not need to go through the P consultation. But I still did implement some of these on my own.

For other reasons, I have to consult a therapist who also happens to be a P for other reasons soon. My T is also thinking med evaluation again. But I have asked her again to please not ask me to do something that I can not do. She has agreed. To me it seems pointless to be evaluated for something that I will not take, but I do not want to pick little arguments.

TAS,
First I want to totally agree with Draggers and SLFSIHH (is that ok? I love your username and don't want to truncate it! ) that you have every right to refuse medication. I live in NY and legally I have a right to refuse any all medical treatment. So I want to be clear up front that I believe this is YOUR choice.

But I also want to share with you my experience. Years ago when I was working with my first T she brought up medications. My dad is an alcoholic and I have a couple of siblings who also self-medicated for years with other drugs, so going on a medication and being "dependent" on it terrified me and felt like it would be really unhealthy (I also had some internal messages going about being really crazy if I needed meds, I should be stronger than that). My T would bring it up occassionally and eventually my insurance company started putting pressure on. Eventually I agreed to meet with a psychiatrist (which was terrifying in and of itself, but my therapist was great and read me the letter he sent after my consultation. I agreed to try the meds.

And the truth is they really helped. I don't feel high or up or anything like that, I don't even know I am on them. But they but a bottom underneath me and stop from sinking too low. Because of that it freed up energy I could put into healing, so instead of barely holding my own and just keeping my head above water, I started healing and moving forward. My T at the time presented it this way, and I came to agree with her. Medication was just another leg on my support stool, along with journaling, friends, my faith, etc. Anything that gave me more space helped me move forward.

I am not saying this would be true for you, just sharing that I had a good experience, despite my intial reluctance.

AG

I hate medication, was drugged in scenarios in my younger life and feel like it puts my health at risk.

That said, I take medication - especially for my anxiety. It's kept me safe and alive as I think the nightmares (which I now have Meds for), anxiety, dissociation and depression would have led to the end of my life.

I'm the same... Lows aren't as low, anxiety is not as bad, therapy is bearable. The goal of myself and my providers is to be off medication but I will require therapy and possibly hospitalization when it begins to help adjust and make sure I'm settled.

I found an amazing P... It took a very long time and a lot of trust building. My T even spoke with her on a couple occasions so they could coordinate.

No T can force you on to Meds!! And if you don't want to take them you do not have to! Be aware that some Ts may terminate in that case. Mine told me she would not feel comfortable seeing me unless I was under P supervision also. I started out as a complex and high risk case (still am sometimes!) so in this case it was a good boundary but I could have left also.

May not hurt just to talk to a P. You aren't obligated to anything they may prescribe. You T can be asked to consult also (some Ps are too high and mighty on themselves to do this - so says my T and experience with a couple).

Hi TAS,

I agree with what the other said: it is your choice, and your choice only.

I too am... not very trustful of medication: my father has been abusing prescriptions for years, and seeing the result is painful (as well as know that his psychiatrist knows it and does nothing is not reassuring either). And I went through a very complete break-down, which almost caused my death, as a child... and came out of it through therapy only, which reinforces my faith in therapy rather than medication.

That said, last year, my therapist recommended seeing a psychiatrist, I agreed, and the most likely diagnosis is bipolar 2. The psychiatrist offered medication... and I said no, as I did not feel convinced it was necessary or would help. I explained my choice to my therapist, who reminded me that her job was to support me in my choices, not to make the choices for me, and that therefore if it was my choice, then she would help me in that way.

As I reached new lows this winter, she reminded me of the possibility to try the medication, to see whether it helped, but was very clear again that it was up to me. So I went back to the psychiatrist, and discussed my options, and we decided to give it a try. So now, I am giving it a try, I don't know whether I will keep taking them, I don't know whether it will help, however I am happy to know that I can talk about it, and that I am the one who decides what's happening: the psychiatrist and the therapist only help me making the choices by giving me options, and then supporting me in my decisions.
It also helped me to make a list of "deal-breakers" about the medication: what is acceptable, and what is not, so that I 'know' when to stop/ask for a change.

I hope you can discuss this with your therapist, and a psychiatrist, even if only to have a clear view of your options, but your therapist should support your choice, whichever it is.
Good luck.

I am not much different than the responses that you have already received. One thing that helped me initially is that I saw my regular physician who has successfully prescribed for me. The medication has helped a lot and I was so reluctant. For whatever reason, it was less scary for me to be treated with meds. with my regular doctor as opposed to a psychiatrist. But years ago, I had a poor experience with a psychiatrist.

Hi TAS -

My experience was kind of the opposite of yours. Mid 20's. Never been to a doctor in my life. Asked psychologist I was seeing about meds and she didn't think I needed them. After a suicide attempt and ending up in the hospital, was put on meds. It was like night and day. Finally... I felt better. Not high (long history of addiction) or doped up - just *even*.

Need to know that it takes time to find the correct medication, time for it to work, time to adjust to side-effects. Jump ship too early on a med and you may be missing out on the one you need. Sometimes, as well, it's a cocktail of meds. Need a pdoc who will only change one at a time so you can see which med is doing what.

That said, it's your choice and your body. Ask questions. Be informed. Most psychotropics aren't addicting, and if that is a concern, advise your doc to not give you anything with a potential to become habit-forming. (Like benzos) Give it a try if you want (but make it a real try to see if it works) and know that you can stop (regulated, not just stop) if you want.

Meds aren't bad; they are one of many tools that you can use or not.

Take good care TAS (been thinkin bout u lately)-
RT

you certainly don't have to take his suggestion. my T also encouraged me to go on medication as he thought i had "enough anxiety and depression" to justify being medicated. i didn't want to go on medication, either, but i also didn't want to continue feeling so hopeless about life and so unreal. also, i had tried two other medications and they didn't do much for me other than give me unwanted side-effects. i did eventually take his advice, and i have to say that i feel SO much better. i feel so much more real, and the hopelessness is just a fraction of what it was. my outlook on life is better, i am noticing i am much more confident in expressing myself, more assertive, and calmer in general. i have worried about whether it's something i'll have to do for the rest of my life, but now that i've seen what it does for me i don't care if i'm on it for the rest of my life. i feel worlds better and i don't want to ever feel like i did just a few short months ago. that's been my experience with this particular medication.

Hey Tas,

I have been on medications at different times and was ok about it but now as I am older I didn't want to be on them. I was in crises at the beginning of the year and had to overcome my fear of doctors to go and see one. I was given quick acting anti anxiety meds that helped enormously. They only helped when I was in crisis tho.

My T suggested I go back and get some longer lasting mood stabilising drugs. After more bad dips in my mood and not wanting to live, I did go back and was prescribed an antianxiety/depressent drug. Was on it for 6 weeks and I felt no improvement, no changes but some side effects bothered me a lot. I stopped taking them. Didn't go back.

My mood dropped further and T suggested I go back for something else.

Eventually I did and the doctor gave me stronger drugs.

I have not felt ok taking either of these and I have felt resentful toward my T for suggesting it. Felt like she was saying she couldn't handle me unless I was drugged. I have been really angry at her and told her so. Really angry at myself and it hasn't been a good experience.

The newest drugs also had side effects that I just didn't want and I stopped taking these too.

Haven't even told T I have stopped taking them, haven't told the doctor.

I really believe you have to want to take them and be totally ok with it.
SD

(((HI TAS))) My T finally said he wanted me to try meds, but I declined. I did research as to why I did not want to use meds, and printed it all off and brought it in to him. He said he respected my decision, and said he was very pleased that I took the initiative to do the research, and to show him why I made the decision that I did. I also said that if I don't improve, I am willing to rethink my decision and possibly try meds at a later time. Just remember that its all up to you, and your T cannot make the decision for you. Its your body, so stay firm with your beliefs and just know that you can always change your mind if you decide to, and there is nothing wrong with that. Physical exercise, different types of meditation, music, painting, volunteering to help others, anything that will give you quiet comfort is so helpful. Please let us know how you are doing.

Thank you for your personal replies and sharing your experiences. I have been non-stop on the go and I will reply when I get in later this evening. I didn't want any of you to feel as if I was ignoring you or your kindness.

Thank you,
T.

Draggers: Thank you! for saying this so emphatically. It's good to hear something over and over again. I have the final say

SLFSIHH: Thank you for sharing your experience. He hasn't mentioned anything about it because he knows I am so opposed. However, given recent developments, I have had trouble maintaining emotional stability but I keep hoping it will just pass. I want to make sure it is not my pride getting in the way. I am glad your T has been respectful and your relationship has remained on good terms

AG: Did you eventually stop taking them? I am worried if I start taking them, will they be needed forever? I know I don't want to be dependent on them long term. I am glad you had a good experience; if I should decide to try them, I hope my experience is a positive one as well.

Catalyst: The T I see works in the same office as the Psychiatrist. He also has his own private practice where he see clients two days a week. He recommended this P to me because he said he thought he was very compassionate. I know he wants me to feel better, I just feel if I take these medications, I will be just like my mother. No different. I know this is my own weirdness. I am going to at least go in and talk, try to make a plan for six months or so and see how it goes. I know one reason T would like me to try is because I can't deal with any trauma memories, as I get unsettled very quickly and can not seem to stabilize myself. I know he does care, really it is about me working out my own views about this.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me...it helps to know what others have gone through and how they benefitted from their choice

Ms. Control: I thank you for telling me how much medication helped you. It is encouraging and I would like to feel better so I can tackle what I need to without feeling as if I am disintegrating. I feel hopeful after reading your post. Thank you

About: Thank you! Your experience sounds like mine. I am glad your T and P are supporting you in a positive manner. It does help to know you can talk about this and there are limits to what we agree to, as far as side effects from medication, etc. Will you please share if the medication helps?

RM: I thought about going to see a regular physician and did not know if this would help me with my view towards medication, rather than seeing a Psychiatrist. I'm sorry about your experience with the prior Psychiatrist. I think I am going to at least give it a try Thank you for sharing your story!

RT: Thank you RT. So sweet of you to say you have been thinking of me...thank you! I think I am going to give it a real try instead of just fighting and fighting. There is no harm in trying but if I am going to do it, I need to really do it! I am going to try this tool.

CD: I thank you for replying I want to feel better and I feel so much despair right now - I literally do not see the point to anything. I want to feel better, so I am going to give it a go! It's nice to know resistance to taking medication is not uncommon and it's okay to have a change of mind regarding something so sensitive to many. Thank you!

SD: I am going to speak to T and P about reservations and then if I decide to commit, I am going to really commit. Not half on, half off. One of the biggest things I have ringing in my head is that I am a failure if I have to take drugs. I asked my T why, if I haven't in all my years, haven't had to take them, why now? He stated this recent crisis has triggered an avalanche of emotion (basically c-ptsd) among other things, and it's okay to need them during this time. I am going to feel this out and be open to their suggestions, but not follow blindly.

eme: Thank you! I need to get on the physical exercise, for sure! I love music and it is such a powerful healing tool. I do some meditation, just starting. I love the words you used, 'quiet comfort.' So perfectly stated and much needed.

Just an aside note: I have been going through a very stressful time. As stated a few weeks earlier, one of the abusers I lived with for ten years passed away. As if this wasn't stressful enough, he passed away on the same day as my natural mother. I have avoided the issues about my mother and I feel as if the Universe is saying, "You can not ignore this any longer."

I knew this persons passing would stir up so much within me. Then, my brother calls me a couple of weeks ago and tells me someone wrote a letter to the US District Attorney - a letter outlining the abuse and the allegations were toward his wife, the other abuser. Six of us, all blood brothers and sisters lived with them. This has been an incredibly heart breaking time as this has highlighted so much pain and division among us as siblings. I thought my heart could not possibly break anymore and yet, it has. I do not mean to sound melodramatic but my heart has been hurting.

Thank you for replying and I apologize for the rather long replies. I wish each of you peace and as eme stated, "quiet comfort" on your healing journey.

Thank you for listening,
T.

quote:

AG: Did you eventually stop taking them? I am worried if I start taking them, will they be needed forever? I know I don't want to be dependent on them long term.

TAS,
I am still on meds and more than likely always will be. I am very stable on the meds with no discernable side effects aside from dry mouth, which I find easy to live with. I have an older sister whose physiology is very similar to mine and we are on the same AD. Every time she has tried to wean off, her suicidal ideation returns (a problem I have also dealt with in the past), so I haven't even tried to wean off of it.

I did some research and people who have done research into the affect of long term trauma in childhood have found that it effects the development of the brain, and that a person with long term trauma can develop chemical defiencies. So my view of taking an AD is the equivalent of a diabetic taking insulin. I am taking something my body should produce but does n't and the lack of it seriously affects my health. I am also on blood pressure medication (high blood pressure runs very strong in my family) and I have no problem with that, and even though there is more stigma about an AD, even in my own mind, I don't think there should be and act accordingly.

I do want to be clear that remaining on the drug is my choice, I think my therapist and doctor would be open to me weaning off it, although both have pretty much told me "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I'm stable and high functioning so I'm just rolling with it.

I don't think meds are for everyone, I am one of the lucky people who respond well and have found a drug that is very effective for me. Meds are just another possible tool in your arsenal; I don't trust people who are totally for meds for everyone OR people who are against meds for everyone. They're like everything else: do the research and weigh the possible benefits against the risks involved and decide what is best for you.

AG

quote:

I asked my T why, if I haven't in all my years, haven't had to take them, why now?

Wow, TAS... I just wanted to point out what you just said. You said MY T. You are not calling him THE T. This is real progress on your part!

I don't have much to add to the meds discussion. I do not take meds. I don't like the idea of taking them for me and my T does not push them. When I questioned him about that he said he just didn't think I needed them and I agreed with him. I am able to work in therapy and with a little outside contact can usually contain any fallout. My oldT did push them and it was a bone of contention between us.

I believe that they are necessary and/or helpful for some and would support anyone who did decide to go that route. It's a very personal decision and should be made by the person with their T or P's input. I don't think there should be any stigma surrounding them and have seen them help some people very close to me.

I wish you the best with your decision and think you got some good feedback here.

TN

Great observation, TN! It's true, Tas, I can hear it in your tone that you have made so much progress with your T. Maybe he didn't mention them earlier because he figured you weren't ready to hear him? I don't know...

You have received great advice here -- of course! They are another tool but the impact on each and every one of us is so distinct -- as you've heard just from the sampling here.

When I was going through my divorce, my T pressed me to go on them. I took an AD and an anti-anxiety med. The impact was null. My P kept increasing the dosage but with no noticeable impact. At one point, I just stopped them cold turkey despite all the warnings as to how dangerous that would be -- with no change in demeanor. I do not recommend that, but it was just another example of how it can be so highly variable.

At the end of the day, you have to do what you think is best for you.

True North: Thank you for replying

I actually cringed when I saw I had written "My T". I want to go back and change it; I would like to say it was late when I posted the reply and must have done it without thinking about it. I try to be conscious, as well as careful, when I refer to someone in a personal manner. I know you said it was progress, yet I feel as if I have turned on myself.

As far as taking medication, I agree with you 100%. I hope you are having a wonderful week

T.

Path We Walk: One thing I have noticed from reading all of these experiences, we are all definitely different when it comes to medication. It is interesting how they did not have an impact upon you at all and it was a wise choice to stop them if they were not working. I am considering my options but my anxiety is so high, I may need to at least give them a try. Thank you T.

Sp: I am glad the medications helped you during the moments you needed them and disabled coping mechanisms which were getting in the way of being able to do Therapy. I thank you for your reply and I am sure I will keep this in mind as I continue to make a choice which is beneficial for where I am right now in this journey.

T.

The thing I think that makes the most difference is using the medication for a chemical issue versus using the medication for a situational issue....

I went through a time when my T referred me to a Psych doc and it was right after I hallucinated in her office during an awful depression. Worst I had ever been in. But, I went to the doc she referred me to and I never did trust him (it was so hard to find the right medication combination to work for me AND not gain weight). Then I went off cold turkey and lost the weight but 6 months later crashed into a horrible depression. But at first I felt WONDERFUL off the meds. But, my T was angry with me. She treated me different and it was so hard for a few months. We finally talked about it and she said she WOULD still see me if I didn't take meds, but...she cared about me and was concerned about me.

Anyway, after I crashed into a horrible depression I found a PSYCH doc on my own. I trusted her and took almost all the meds as prescribed....but gained 100lbs over two years! Horrible.

I now have a new Psych doc in my T's office who T and I both trust and she modified my meds and I've already lost over 30lbs in just a few months, while I am still on meds, just different weight neutral ones. I think it is important to have a well educated doctor who knows the different medications well.

I have been diagnosed with several issues where I will probably have to take meds the rest of my life. And, I've been treatment resistant several times, and I will probably always need mediation adjustments as time goes by. It's good to see my psychiatrist, and have one I both like and trust. The one I have now sees me for 30 minutes and takes the time to know me.

Meds can be a good thing, but they aren't for every person, for every situation.

I'm actually worried my 11 year old son needs some medication....finding the right/good doctor for a child has me nervous.

TAS, I was super-reluctant to take medication and was never going to until things became unbearable. I took medication for four years and it saved my life. Balanced me out and helped to heal by grounding me. It is a very personal decision. I agree with everything AG wrote. T did want me to go on meds again. I declined and have tried writing, breathing, walking, sharing, and do take xnanx when needed. I know I probably should go back on them, but do not like such powerful stuff in me. I have been racked with anxiety since in utero and never realized what it was until I was in my forties. I thought it was "normal" to be a wreck. Do your research and be your own advocate. You'll know in time if you should take something. Feel better.