Therapy after a Holiday

lamplighterMember

Hello everyone just thought I’d post to say I’ve been on holiday the last couple of weeks and haven’t been posting - I’ve caught up on people’s threads since I’ve been back and just want to apologize for not replying - don’t want you to think I don’t care or am not interested

I will get around to posting some proper replies soon.

This is my first time of a longish break in therapy with this T and I was curious to see how it would affect me - have to say probably positively. By the time I got back I was in a real tailspin because I was sitting there with only hours to go until my session (which happened to be the day after I got back at midnight the night before) and realized I didn’t have a clue what the hell the therapy was all about, where I was at, what was supposed to be happening - didn’t have any sense at all of picking up where I’d left off two weeks previously, didn’t have any sense at all fullstop of actually being IN therapy, as if the previous seven months hadn’t happened.

Usually I think myself to death between sessions trying to define exactly what my problem is and what I think I need to do about it - and trot it all out each session. This time because I’d not had the chance to do such intensive introspection for so long (all that French food and sunshine can be a bit distracting

)I was really at a total loss and realized I was ANGRY that it was yet again down to me to present problem and solution in a nice neat package for T - THAT’S HIS JOB!!!

And it occurred to me yet again as I was driving along feeling angry and defensive and hopeless (for the umpteenth time over the last seven months) that the whole point of the therapy is for me to be able to get in touch with what I feel IN THE MOMENT. I’m quite angry at T for not enabling this - he tends to go along with my intellectualizing and spends a lot of the sessions talking talking talking when what I really need is for him to pin me down in the here and now and focus on what I’m actually feeling in that moment, not go off into long winded intellectual discussions about what I’m saying.

I did explain all that to him (though I’m damned if I can remember what I actually said) and left the session feeling hopeful - that maybe now I can start getting something out of therapy (we will see, this happens a lot, I come away from a session thinking ‘right next time things will start moving’ and next session what I’m expecting doesn’t happen - I so much feel like I’m telling him all the time how to do his job). But I’m a LOT clearer now on what I’m wanting from therapy and I think this time I’ll be able to hang onto this understanding (famous last words lol).

So the break has been positive in that it’s made me realize the way I’ve been approaching therapy (endless explanations all in the hope that he will one day GET IT and DO whatever it is that therapists do to help) has kept me spinning around in circles and getting nowhere. What I really want is to be able to go into a session and be able to express whatever I happen to be feeling on a moment by moment basis - no knowing in advance, no having to ‘understand’ it all, no intellectual discussion about it - just being able to get in touch with a feeling in the here and now and have it witnessed, heard, validated. To have ME witnessed, heard and validated.

Gosh sorry I’ve rambled on here, not even sure what the point of this is, just wanted to be visible again I suppose. So basically, just to say I’m back (and posting War and Peace again I see) and wondering how other people experience picking up therapy after a break?

Lamplighter

4/28/103:09 AM

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mtfMember

Lamplighter,

Welcome back. I've missed you, but it sounds like you've had a fantastic holiday. Did you go to France? I'm so jealous if you did. That has been my dream for 22 years, as I studied French for 5 1/2 years and it was my passion in life! I'm in the states, and getting all the way to France seems impossible, especially now that I'm married and have young children.

Not impossible, but it will be a while yet. I'm so glad you had a great time!

I think what you're describing about the type of therapy you want to be able to have is wonderful. That sounds like what therapy should be, although what you've been doing sounds like what I do. I too feel like I have to have something prepared to talk about or I'm not doing it right, because what are we going to talk about otherwise? I'm glad you had an experience where you were totally unprepared and that it worked out well. Sounds fantastic. I hope you can keep it that way, and stop yourself from feeling the need to prepare something to discuss each time. I know that's what I need to do. I should just do my 'homework' assignments if my T gives me one, and then just go in there and talk about whatever comes up.

Thanks for bringing this up. I appreciate you sharing this experience because it gives me some insight on what I can do to have a better experience in my own therapy. Another reason why I love this place!

Good to have you back!!

MTF

4/28/106:59 AM

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starfishMember

LL
I think therapy breaks are notoriously hard - maybe for both parties. I hate the time coming up to a break, never feels as if I should delve too deeply into anything in case it's too difficult to contain in the abscence. Then there's a long break spent trying not to think about anything for fear of feeling isolated and then the picking it all up again afterwards. I invariably start soul searching 'what's therapy all about?' 'what am I doing?' 'what's life all about?' stuff every time I have a break - as if my brain is trying to sort the world in my T's abscence almost. Ironically I usually return feeling stronger and more determined to continue - being left 'with no help' for me is really scary - so maybe I come to apreciate the help and potential I can achieve and it spurs me on. Sounds good BUT it takes an enormous amount of angst and soul searching before I realise that. Don't know if that helps at all. Welcome back LL

starfish

4/28/109:49 AM

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kashleyMember

Hey LL,

I'm glad you had a nice getaway - but we're glad to have you back!

I went through a 6 week break (because of the holidays) in the middle of my therapy with my last T. It was such a long break that I actually tried to make myself NOT think of my therapy, because I didn't want to think of things that I really wanted to work out in session, only to be made to wait weeks until I could do so. But, once I was a week or two into the break, I did start to think about why I was in therapy, what I had learned, and what I wanted to get out of it. All in all, I think it did have a positive effect on me. I had gone home, which is where I feel most uncomfortable, but since therapy demands that I be introspective and such, I started to think of exactly why I would be uncomfortable. And having weeks on end to do this helped me better articulate things to my T once I came back. I think it's great that you were able to decide what you really need from your therapy. And you sound determined to get it.

4/28/1010:07 AM

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masimoMember

I'm in the middle of a 5 week T vacation and my mind has wandered towards what what we were working on, which is EMDR. So I know what he
expects from a session, although I'm not always able to bring myself to do it. And I dont know when he returns if I can just jump right back into it. I'm trying to push aside my traumas while he is gone, and my husband has been nice lately so that is helping me get through this period. Recently I went on a 3 day ski trip with a girlfriend, saw T right afterwards. I was still on a mountain high. He asked if I wanted to do the EMDR and I simply couldn't go there. To come down from the mountain to a mindset of basically depression and anxiety to revisit my traumas...yuck! Last place I wanted to go after having some rare fun and time away from my husband. So, I identify its hard to get back into the swing of things, and it makes you wonder what the hell you are doing there in the first place.

4/28/1010:49 AM

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lamplighterMember

Aw thanks people for the welcome back - I always feel that everyone will think I’m really arrogant if I assume that anyone would notice I’m not around - voice in my head saying things like who the hell does she think she is to think that anyone even notices her let alone gives a toss whether she’s around or not... so your replies have shut the judge up briefly.

More Than Fine - I’m curious, what sort of homework does your T give you and how do you find doing it? I rather like the idea as I find myself endlessly trying to work things out by myself in between sessions and some kind of directed homework that arises from the therapy itself sounds like it could be a damn sight more useful to me. I guess I’m fed up to the eye teeth with having to direct myself all the time, just want someone else to TELL me what to do, to direct me and guide me in the right direction.

Starfish I can see what you mean by coming back after a break feeling stronger and more determined to continue - maybe the angst is an important part of it all. I can imagine getting into such a routine with therapy that the incentive to get it all sorted can fade a bit so a break can really shake it all up in an ultimately positive way.

Kashley wow! Six weeks is a LONG time I’m not sure how I would cope with that length of time away and I reckon going back into therapy then would almost be like starting again. But it’s great you found it positive too!

Dragonfly you’ve articulated exactly what was going on for me (even only two weeks away). It certainly focused me really clearly on what I was wanting from therapy - going along week after week it got really easy to ‘waste’ sessions but when I realized hell it’s been seven months now and I still don’t know what’s going on that did somehow put a rocket under me. So a break has its up side - not sure I’d voluntarily choose to take a break though no matter how positive it turns out to be!

Lizzygirl that’s exactly the other side of the coin - if the break has been enjoyable (as it was for me) and you’re on a bit of a high (being ‘normal’ in other words lol) then yeah who the hell wants to plunge back into the deep dark stuff. And wow you have a five week gap - long time too. I’m glad you’re half way through though, only a couple of weeks until he’s back. I hope you hang in there - trauma work is a different kettle of fish altogether, not something you could easily set aside once that can has been opened.

Thanks again guys for making me feel welcome.

4/29/102:52 PM

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mtfMember

Lamplighter,

quote:
More Than Fine - I’m curious, what sort of homework does your T give you and how do you find doing it? I rather like the idea as I find myself endlessly trying to work things out by myself in between sessions and some kind of directed homework that arises from the therapy itself sounds like it could be a damn sight more useful to me. I guess I’m fed up to the eye teeth with having to direct myself all the time, just want someone else to TELL me what to do, to direct me and guide me in the right direction.

My T gives me various homework assignments, but I have to admit I don't usually do them. Recently she gave me an assignment where I am supposed to be comparing my mom with past attachment figures, mainly teachers from junior high and high school (women I was attached to, like I am attached to my T now). She also has had me journal certain things, like successes with certain things we have talked about, or she's given me something to work on with my husband, since I'm working on my relationship with him so that our marriage relationship can hopefully get better so he can learn to meet my needs and support me better emotionally. Just stuff like that. I really lack motivation, which I attribute to my depression, but I think it will get better as time goes on. I can relate to what you're saying though about wanting someone esle to tell you what to do and point you in the right direction rather than having to figure things out on your own. That is one of the great challenges of therapy for some of us. I have the same challenge, even though I get 'homework'. Don't feel too bad. You're not alone.