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therapy goals

closeddoorscloseddoorsMember
i know there was a thread earlier this year about therapy goals, but i thought i'd bring it up again. do you have therapy goals? can you share what they are? are they long-term/short-term? who came up with them? you? your T? or the two of you together?

goals are something i've struggled with my whole life. i really feel as thought the bulk of my life i've been blowing in the wind and have had no control, largely bacause of the lack of goals. so i'm curious what others have to say about this.

i've been on hiatus from therapy since late November. as difficult as it has been, i actually think it's been a good move and things have happened ... perhaps minisculely, but they're happening. anyway, just some thoughts/concerns that i want to throw out there:

i miss T alot and think about him on ALL of my down time (when not busy with life/work). i mean ALL of my down time. this does concern me as it seems super obsessive. i have googled him on occassion, but am not a stalker and have not and never would consider driving by his house as that seems creepy to me. i'm good-hearted, i just can't seem to get him out of my mind. and as much as i like him, i don't like these obsessive thoughts. it's mostly conversations that i have with him in my head. i hope i don't sound too amazingly wierd.

therapy was very anxiety triggering for me. i hated every bit of it because i do like him alot. it was shameful and embarassing and i couldn't take it any more. he didn't deserve any of it and i knew it, but couldn't stop the anxious feelings. it really makes me sad to think about it. i knew it wasn't about him, but i just couldn't control the feelings. the fear of rejection, shame, judgement. he didn't emit any of these, and i knew it was all me but it was just too much. so i had to leave.

i guess what i'm wondering is: is it an acceptable therapy goal to get to the point where you can 1. not get all freaked out about going to therapy, and 2. be genuine and be able to smile comfortably at your T because you're genuinely glad to see them? i dearly like (still can't use the other word) my T and i'd like nothing more than for this comfort level to be a reality, because in reality that is how i feel. i guess i've just learned that to show outward enthusiasm for another is somehow unacceptable. is that a do-able and acceptable therapy goal, or am i totally out there? thanks in advance for any input.
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riverriverMember
I've never had any clearly defined therapy goals, just to be less anxious and depressed.

Your goals don't sound out there to me especially if these are things you struggle with when dealing with other people, not just your T. I can imagine it is all amplified with T but if you struggle believing that other people can like and accept you for who you are and that it is okay to express how you feel about them then achieving these goals with a T can be beneficial.

When I get really anxious because I am with T and struggle talking about it, I sometimes put it in the third person. I'll name some part of me (i.e. my inner child is called "Little Sister") and tell T what she is going through. It does feel a little silly but it takes some of the pressure off to say "she" instead of "I" so I can usually relax a little bit and actually talk, maybe even make eye contact.

If I had even a tenth of a penny for every time I have thought about my T I could pay off the national debt for every country on the planet. I don't know if it is obsessive or natural due to the nature of therapy but it is damn annoying and if you can figure out how to stop it I will name my next child after you.
closeddoorscloseddoorsMember
(((River))) i know you're having a hard time now so i really appreciate your input.

it sounds like you understand that therapy can really magnify your issues. yes, these are things that affect my daily life, and they are not nearly as profound as they are in therapy, but they do affect my quality of life none-the-less.

P.S. you'll really name your next born after me?!?!? you have laid down the gauntlet, girl! Smiler


inner-child work is something i've only read about and quite frankly am not comfortable with at this stage. i appreciate your input and maybe i'll get there, but from here it's pretty foreign and uncomfortable, so we'll leave it alone for now. i do appreciate your insight.

thanks for helping to normalize my what i consider obsessive thoughts. it can be maddening but it helps to know that others have been there.
Last edited by closeddoors

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