then she kept asking how can i help you? over and over and over and i kept saying i dunno and i don't have the answer but she doesn't seem to get it. she kinda made me feel as if there's no hope for me and basically said it's my own fault i feel the way i do and there's nothing she can do to help me unless i answer all the stupid questions she asks me. but i don't know the answers so how can i answer? now i'm angry at myself too coz once again i wasted the session and i don't have another for 4 weeks. i'm feeling a little hysterical right now. sorry about this. i hope i'm not upsetting anyone.

i feel kinda hopeless right now. we're definitely not a good match. i very nearly stood up and walked out on her today. she makes me feel worse. then she has all these stupid questions she asks me.
when i attempt to talk about something she says
'that must hurt'
then she'll say 'does it hurt?' and i'll say yeah. then she'll ask something like 'how does that make you feel?' and i'll say 'sad' and then she'll say 'that must hurt' and i'll say yeah and then we're back to square 1. not getting anywhere. then she asked me did i think of a theme to talk about today and i said yeah and i told her i'd been feeling very alone all the time and of course she asks me 'how does that make you feel?' and i said 'alone'.
then she starts the whole 'that must hurt' thing. i dunno. maybe this is what therapy is meant to be like and maybe it's just not for me.

((((sweetpea))))

I'm so sorry. That would drive me nutty. She doesn't sounds like a good fit, and maybe not a good T... I don't have much feedback - just wanted to say, I think the way she is asking you things is weird and I would have had a really hard time with that myself.

so sorry your are hurting so much and so upset - it is very understandable. I'm really glad you posted here and know you are not alone.

many hugs,
~ jane

quote:

when i attempt to talk about something she says
'that must hurt'
then she'll say 'does it hurt?' and i'll say yeah. then she'll ask something like 'how does that make you feel?' and i'll say 'sad' and then she'll say 'that must hurt' and i'll say yeah and then we're back to square 1. not getting anywhere. then she asked me did i think of a theme to talk about today and i said yeah and i told her i'd been feeling very alone all the time and of course she asks me 'how does that make you feel?' and i said 'alone'.
then she starts the whole 'that must hurt' thing. i dunno. maybe this is what therapy is meant to be like and maybe it's just not for me.

yargh, Sweetpea, this is sooooo familiar to me right now. This has been what it's like a lot of the time with my current T. I don't know what it is - I sit there thinking - surely you have more tricks up your sleeve than this? In the end I've concluded we're just not on the same wavelength, and I'm moving on to someone else. It's hard to come to that decision, though.

If you feel like you need therapy, don't give up on it. Hang in there - there are other therapists out there who will suit you better, or if you are really up front about how you find this approach, you somehow bust through this problem with her. Good luck.

J

Oooo sweetpea,
That would really irritate me too, would make me want to say when I tell her something next time - 'oh and before you ask, yes it does hurt'. I think MH has the right idea, to confront her with this if you can, tell her that you find it really difficult when she puts words in your mouth and suggests constantly that something might hurt.

It took me AGES before I felt any ability to share feelings with T. Looking back I realise that she never pushed me into feeling anything when I wasn't ready, I think for me it would have had a negative effect.

I am sorry too that she might have shown any offence to your irritation - do you think this was really her being offended, or maybe that you expect her to be offended by that? I only wonder because a good T wouldn't allow a client's irritation to affect her in that way.

Swetpea, I wasn't very brave at the start of therapy, but have learnt a lot since and now if I feel something I try my hardest to say it.....I would be tempted to revert your T's question of how she could help you back to her with a ...'I don't know. How do you think you could help me? Can you suggest some options that we can look at together? I feel really stuck right now.'

Don't beat yourself up too much sweetpea, I think most of us would have felt the same in your situation.

starfish

lots of sympathy, sweetpea, that sounds really difficult. I think I told you that I had a similar experience in college. It was not fun. I felt like I was sooo frustrating for him. But maybe he just wasn't a good match. or maybe therapy is really hard. Maybe you're not ready yet to open up to her?

It seems so odd that she can't seem to talk about herself or something. Like, make some small talk to help you become more comfortable. It's so hard when the attention is all on yourself, huh? I find it hard. And, about the meds thing, can you just absolute refuse and ask her not to bring it up again? I know, that would be hard for me to do too!!!

Hang in there!

Liese

I'm sorry, Sweetpea, and I really feel bad that she is always bringing it back to the meds issue when you have made it clear that you are not interested in medication. I still find myself hoping that you will be able to salvage something fromt he relationship, I jsut know my therapy used to be the same way with not being able to talk and T not helping- and it's really turned a corner now and I think I might be getting somewhere finally. So when people say the same things about their T's that I was feeling int he beginning, and now I still have problems in T, but things have changed radically, then I always wonder if it could be the same for you...That being said, you have to make the decision based on where you are right now...it's such a tough one. Just know we are here to support you while you figure this out...

big hug,

BB

thanks everyone. i've tried telling her that i find it awkward and uncomfortable but then she just asked what is it that makes me feel like that and i dunno exactly so i couldn't answer her.
i can't afford to see a therapist outside of college right now. i wish i could. i really don't think it's going to get any better. i've been going to her for over a year now and nothing is happening. i think its strange that she doesnt talk about herself too! i think it might really help if she did coz at the moment even though i've been going to her once a week for the last year, it feels like we're strangers. another thing that annoyed me was whenever i stopped talking she would sigh. i think that was a little rude.
at the end she asked me to try writing about stuff i want to talk about for next time and then i can read it out to her. i said i would write stuff but that i'd feel uncomfortable reading it out loud. then i told her that she could read it though if she wanted and she got all offended and said she wouldn't allow that blah blah blah. i think it would be helpful if she did read it and then at least she could ask me questions based on what i wrote and then maybe it'd be easier to talk. ugh stupid rules.
sorry i don't even know if i'm making sense. i'm so angry at that woman. she has ruined my week i wish christmas would be over

Hi Sweetpea,

Sorry to hear that you don’t feel things are working out in therapy…I also struggle with answering to why I feel a certain way. I know many therapists won’t relay information about themselves so that the focus is entirely on the client as things can start to get a bit muddled if the T start talking about themselves…also I suppose it would call into question the type of relationship that a T is offering. I do know of T’s that will share small pieces about themselves only if they feel it would be helpful to a client’s understanding of what they are working on. I know its hard talking to someone whom you know nothing about but at the same time the conditions that they offer should be that in which you feel comfortable and it sounds like you aren’t feeling that with your T.
I wonder if it would be helpful if she could explain her reasons for not allowing you to write and her read. It certainly doesn’t sound right that she is acting offended as this isn’t about her this is about you. Would you be able to mention to her how uncomfortable her sighing is to you, maybe she is not aware she does it and needs it bringing to her attention as that sounds extremely off putting to your therapy.

I’m sorry you can’t afford to have therapy elsewhere…I know that feeling so well.

Hang in there Sweetpea

Butterfly

hey butterfly!
thanks for your support.
i feel so confused right now. i feel like i really need to talk to my t but then whenever i do get the chance to talk to her i just don't talk and that makes me so angry at myself. i dunno if i can wait 3 whole weeks for my next appointment.

((((Sweetpea))))

This time of year is always hard with the breaks...post as you need to.
Are you able to tell T next time that it makes you angry not being able to talk and maybe that can be your starting point.

Butterfly

thanks butterfly
i guess that would be a good starting point. i think i'll write about what i need to talk about for my next session like she asked me to but i really don't think i'll be able to read it out to her. too embarrassing and i hate reading out loud anyway.

i'm not doing so good right now. where's my therapist when i need her?

Hi sweetpea...I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so good, and sorry it's so long until your next appointment. Would it help to share with us at least some of the reason you're not doing so good?

Big hugs to you,
SG

thanks strummergirl. i kinda feel like i have nowhere to turn. I don't have as many friends as i used to, my family don't get me and i can't even talk to my therapist. it feels like everything's building up inside of me even more. i feel like a big failure. sorry for being so negative

Sweetpea, you don't have to apologize for being negative here. It is the one place where all of you and your feelings are welcome. Please remember you are not alone, you have us to turn to. Your relationship with your T sounds very frustrating and without the suppor of friends and family it must be unbearable. ((((Sweetpea))))

This is a good place to practice talking about things and to get other people's input, so at least posting is one small thing you can do to bridge the gap and hopefully give you some clarity before your next appointment.

Pan

thanks pandora. i'm not doing very well at the moment.i can't find the words to talk about it though so that's why i havn't been around in a while. i feel like i'm being ripped apart inside.

Hi Sweetpea so sorry to know you're not doing well Why don't you just try to throw a few words together and maybe we can coax a bit more out? There are some totally amazing people in our community with incredible understanding who would love to help
Take care and try to be gentle with yourself.


Morgs

Sweetpea, so sorry you are having a rough day. Hang in there! I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but things will get better.

Hi Sweetpea
I am so sorry, it sounds really rough for you at the moment.I hope that it is easing a bit, your description of being ripped apart inside captured the feeling so clearly and it sounds pretty unbearable. I hope you are okay.
Pan

Hi Sweetpea,

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time currently. Being ripped apart inside is so descriptive of just how you are feeling.

Just keep coming here to talk with all of us so we can support you while waiting for your T to come back. You are not a failure!! Just a person that is struggling right now.

Take it easy on yourself and take care,