I'm not going to answer your question because I'm not enough of an expert about these things to understand the rules or give any advice. I just want you to know that first, you aren't bothering anyone by posting here, so please post as much as you like. Second, you haven't done anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You don't deserve any of the abuse that you are getting and yes you deserve to be able to tell someone about it. I'm sorry that everything is so rough for you right now and your position has put you in such a terrible bind and I wish there were more I could do to help. I think everyone here wishes that.

I think the first thing you should do is if you can tell your stepfather what your boundaries are ie you have no sexual interest in him and you find it inappropriate for him to be hitting on you EVER. Ask him how he would feel if his father hit on him. Tell him even if you can that you've had some bad experiences with men and you are ultra sensitive to him even him commenting that he's your bf ie any flirting feels icky. You've felt used by men in the past and you'd appreciate if he sticks to being a parental figure. Try to tell him how you feel and see if he is capable of empathy?!

I think you have to be clear you will not tolerate abuse.

My father used to hit me and I had to wait until I was big and strong enough to stand up to him. Once I was old enough and big enough to tell him don't ever touch me again or you'll be sorry it was the most liberating experience for me. If your mother is capable of beating you - maybe you just need to leave. Get the hell out of there and that situation. That is not love. She is not protecting you as is her job & That's just unacceptable behavior!

Also theoretically you can record him doing it. You might want to check legally on what the recording laws are in your state so you don't get yourself in trouble. Some states require mutual consent for recording. It might help your own mind know that its real. I think its important you protect your own interests over worrying about them or getting them in trouble. Let them carry their own baggage instead of them dumping it on you and you take care of yourself and your own needs so you can be healthy.

RE: No money and no where to go. There are organizations designed to help people like yourself. There are good people out there. You can find help. Perhaps get a job & support yourself. Stay with friends for awhile etc.. I know easier said than done. Don't let them abuse you. You have to set boundaries on what you will allow and not allow in your life.

Please continue to post here if you want to talk. I would tell your T what's going on. You deserve help & support.

big hug. I am sorry you have to go through this in your life.

I wouldn't let the past deter you from being strong now. You've gone through this already once. Your feelings deserve validation if it happens 10x. Don't let your family pull you under again because they did it to you once before and shamed you into silence. The way they are treating you is "sick" in my opinion and you have the right to be healthy. Be healthy for yourself and do what's right for you. If no one is there to take care of you you have to be the one who takes care of you. To find that strength. You won't regret it in the long run. I wouldn't worry about their punishments although you dont have to go out of your way to get them in trouble. I think the main idea is to expose it sufficiently so that it stops. They aren't worried about the hell they are putting you through.

I told him so many times tht i dont like him like that, tht i dont like it when he tuches me, i dont like it i told him to stop...he acts like its a joke. I give up im too tired..I just wish I could close my eyes and be invisible a little while. I tld him a little bit that something bad hapened to me and I dont like it...
I dont think he cares....but i dont hate him either..its so confusing

Its not al black and wite, im so used to people who love me hurting me I dont know how to react anymore. I dont know wht I deserve...when reality shows u what u deserve..its hard to define what ur worth...

Im so exhausted
I wudnt record him, ide feel so guilty..i try not to dress in a way that attracts anything, im trying so hrd. i feel like its my fault, theres jus something about me tht is bad.

yoru responses give me a little strength..each time i read them....i think im gonna just read these befor i go to sleep..try to make myself stronger.

thank u for the support ..and your well thought out responses....
your time means so much to me, I cant put it in writing. Thers a big difference to not ever being able to tell a soul...anything...and at least being able to tell you people on the internet. thnk u laura and alpaca

DGUOM.... first of all it's not about you... you are NOT bad at all. It's about those who are hurting you. They are sick, evil people. You do not deserve any kind of abuse and you are doing nothing to cause it. The people who are hurting you do not love you, they are incapable of love and/or attachment and they need help. I know you want to be invisible to protect yourself and get some relief but that won't really work.

I am not really qualified to tell you what to do because I don't really know your situation. Are you in school? Does your mother know you are in therapy? Does she pay for it?

I do know that it will certainly complicate your getting well and working in therapy if you remain in that abusive situation. I also know that your T will be ethically responsible for reporting your situation, especially as it seems you are a minor child yet. How old is your sister?

The other person who you describe as "aunt"... is she someone you can trust to talk to? Can she help you in any way?

Please do not worry about posting here. Post as often as you need to or want to. You need to talk about this with someone. Laura is right that there are agencies and organizations out there that can help you find a better place to live and perhaps get your mom some therapy too so she can control her anger and stop beating her children. There is NO EXCUSE for beating anyone, especially children. NONE.

You may be able to get some helpful information by calling a child abuse hotline. Or if you find the courage to tell your T she can get you some help too. She would know the right agencies that can help in these situations. I am also worried about your sister.

My best advice for now is to make sure you are never alone with "S" and that another adult (mom, aunt) is present when he is around either you or your sister.

I'm sorry I cannot be of any further help but I'm here to listen. Please let us know how you are doing.

Hugs
TN

DGUOM..

Hotline number is 1-800- 4 - A - Child

Website is: http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline

When you are alone and safe give them a call.

TN

DGUOM:

No, we won't give up on you. Don't feel bad about posting here.

I'm VERY glad you found this place, it is very safe here. There are good people here. Seriously. There are other places on the internet that are not so safe (for those who are going through what you are going through) and often do more harm than good.

TN/Alpaca/Laura have some good advice. I would like to add that you are NOT a a bad person at all, not by a long shot!!! You are doing all you can, and are quite brave.

Hang in there, come back as often as you need to or wish to.

quote:

I told him so many times tht i dont like him like that, tht i dont like it when he tuches me, i dont like it i told him to stop...he acts like its a joke.

I might try to have a serious conversation with him about it when he is not doing it.

quote:

I give up im too tired..I just wish I could close my eyes and be invisible a little while.

Unfortunately, I don't think life works like that. How you handle all of this will impact your relationship with how you see yourself and men prob for many years to come. The walls we some times are forced to put up as children can become huge barriers to us as adults.

quote:

but i dont hate him either..its so confusing

This isn't about hating him.

quote:

Its not al black and wite, im so used to people who love me hurting me I dont know how to react anymore. I dont know wht I deserve...when reality shows u what u deserve..its hard to define what ur worth...

I know what you mean. I think deep down you know what you are worth and what you deserve or you wouldn't even be posting here.

quote:

I wudnt record him, ide feel so guilty..i try not to dress in a way that attracts anything, im trying so hrd. i feel like its my fault, theres jus something about me tht is bad.

My point about recording him was perhaps for your own sanity so if your family blames you - you have the evidence that its real. That would be something that would help me in your situation cope with it but that's just me.

Listen to me very carefully if you hear nothing else from what I am going to say. This is NOT your fault. You didn't ask for his abuse and your mother not being there for you. I think the more that you allow it in your life ie by not sticking up for yourself, getting the help you deserve and getting away from it the more it will be a part of who you are. Be "selfish" you are a child. This is your childhood they've been taking.

We are here for you to listen. Yes your shrink would have to report it as it sounds like you are a minor. Yes, you should protect your sister!

Keep us posted.

My father's abuse wasn't sexual. Most of the abuse as a child that was there was vague to me as a child. More like an atmosphere of abuse ie he'd find fault with me that wasn't there. I was terrified of him. He'd push me around etc.. It was his issues. I am in my 30s now. Looking back I wish I had told every adult I knew that I needed help because I ended up internalizing too much of it. I think its best to deal with it as much as possible in the moment because as an adult its hard to chase the ghosts of it. I wish had been brave enough and had understood what my options were then. I don't even know if my situation was worthy of the police but my family needed help and I bore the brunt of it. Part of healing for me as an adult has been talking about it. I wish I could have talked about it then and gotten protection from it.

big hug.

((ETE)) sorry you had to go through that.

wow. im so touched at ur responses. thnk u so much everybody. my sister is 12, but ..my mother treats her like her dream child...I dont know why, but I was chosen. My mother always says my siste makes her happy, and I dont..she would never lay a hand on my sister..and One time my stepdad said something mean to my sister and my mom snapped at him. When I told her what he was doing to me she told me I had to stop being paranoid. and she said I was sick in the head.

Its just I cant leave I dont know how to explain it. My aunt tells me I should be used to it by now and to not cause any more problems.

The only people so far I feel I can trust is my Therapist, and you guys. Im in college, im a sophmore...but sometimes I guess I sound young for my age, I sometimes dont feel very much like an adult at all. but I guess I am, but Im still scared..

@LauraK- I usually tell my stepdad i dont like it when he does stuff when hes not doing them..cuz when hes doing them Im too scared to say anything.

-I think the recording thing, just for me to have would be good..sometimes im told I make stories up..even if Im almost sure they happend, its a good idea to have evidence. Thank youf or the ideaa

@EchoesThroughEternity- thank u so much for your response too...your story made me so sad Im sorry u had to go through all of that. My moma told me I wasnt allowed to tell anybody either, and I didnt want them to take me away because I dont want to be separated from the only family I have here...I just. Wish it was different.

I appreciate so much u reassuring me tht it isnt my fault...I just..feel like it is because its happened with not only my old stepfather and him, but with a neighbor too..and I just feel like its something im doing thats making people wana hurt me. if it wasnt then why do people hurt me so much.

I realy carefully read through all of these, and im really really thinking of telling my T...Its going to take me a long time to figure out what im gonna do, its just...if I leave they might move on to my sister..but as long as Im home, shes the *golden child* which is fine, I would rather she not grow up messed up like me...shes such a happy kid, for some reason..at my expense.

But thank u so much all of u for supporting me...Im trying my best to sort out all these things in my head, I think..I may tell my T, Im not sure how but thanks to all of u I feel stronger each time I think that somebody else knows about this stuff. Even if I dont know u guys personally..

thank u for not giving up on me


*hugs*

Favoring one child over another is another parenting "evil". Also doesn't mean your step dad isn't privately doing inappropriate things with her. Favoritism is bad news and believe it or not it hurts your sister as much as it hurts you. Its a burden and something that will make her feel guilty. In the end neither child wins. My brother could do no wrong and was a "golden child". Its a little similar to a survivors guilt complex. The why me? questions for both of you.

I thought I did the math that you said you were 11 and that was x years ago.

The good news about my situation I wanted to tell you is I get along great with both my parents now. We were able to heal the relationships over time.

Sexual misconduct is different however because they say that is harder to "cure" than say aggression.

Actually reading everyone's stories on here is majorly helping me with my issues. I had such an attachment issue with my two therapists who ultimately kicked me out. I see its not me or wholly my fault it was the situation because of the abuse I was so vulnerable to it all.

quote:

I appreciate so much u reassuring me tht it isnt my fault...I just..feel like it is because its happened with not only my old stepfather and him, but with a neighbor too..and I just feel like its something im doing thats making people wana hurt me. if it wasnt then why do people hurt me so much.

This is the nature of being abused. It will keep creeping up for you until you understand how to cope with it. Because you were objectified by "the man in your life" your stepfather it will likely impact how you relate to men. Its what you've been taught & treated. That's not your fault. You may need help from your T specifically around how to feel valued by men on deeper levels. This is a way you experience attention from adult males who should have NEVER treated you like that. It may take some unlearning in regards to how to relate to men.

I am a big believer in the "Law of Attraction" - You were victimized as a child so its not your fault. You can Google LOA.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...K6Ww&feature=related

Patterns keep happening until we understand how to break them. I would guess your mom was also the victim of some form of abuse/neglect which is why she is allowing it to happen to you. Its about stopping the cycle of abuse in part by recognizing it.

For me with my dad when I was about maybe 14? I can't remember the age. He punched me in the shoulder and was being all aggressive. I punched him back in the shoulder. I told him don't ever f with me again. You don't want to see what someone who has been abused for 12 years can do now that I am big enough. I stood up for myself in the moment. My dad is rational when he's not like that and I wasn't afraid of him I was just sooo tired of being afraid and bullied and living with the abuse. I think I kind of scared the crap out of him. After that and one other similar incident he never bothered me again. I guess its different depending on what kind of abuser you are dealing with.

Thanks for sharing your story. I am thinking of you.

@LauraK- my old stepdad's abuse started when I was 11..I didnt tell till I was 14 almost 15...it ended officially 6 years ago. Sorry I wasnt clearer. Im 21 now ...hearing your story about how u moved on later on in life, gives me hope for me.
I guess maybe your right, maybe i attract people that hurt me without thinking it or trying..
Im gonna mention some of this stuff in T see if she can help me...

I sometimes get jealous of my sister, but one time she asked my aunt "why does mom always hit her?" and my aunt just said she didnt know...I think it does bother my sister ..that im the "target"...im not sure how its affecting her
but this gives me more incentive to do something about it.

@Blanketgirl- I think writing it down sounds easier than takling..I feel like I cant breathe at T sometimes..im so scared.

Thank you so much eerybody <3 I dont know but..I feel like u guys are like my family u realky care

I care about all of u too, *hugs a lot*

Yes my family is much healthier now. I like the quote its better to be from a broken family than to live in one.

I still have trouble with men like I have a chip on my shoulder.

DGUOM thinking about you. Wondering how you are doing?

dont know if u got my message but thkn u for ur concern.
im getting thru the day *hugs* hope ur doing ok