I heard a "sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better" a lot early on in my therapy and again just the other week.

Depending on what kind of work you are doing, when deep pain gets stirred up, it can bring all sorts of hidden things to the surface, like unhealthy ways of coping, for example. I know that happened in my case, though it was mostly self-destructive stuff. Maybe it could have been better contained than it was, though we didn't know what we were working with. But, my therapy certainly has made a lot of progress. I've been able to examine, to touch, to turn over in my hands and really understand, past experiences and related present-day behaviors.

I do think, however, even if it initially gets very difficult and function decreases when you address really hard stuff, the overall trajectory should be positive over a longer period. The difficulties themselves should be examined and linked to the original source of the pain and the coping mechanisms that were adapted so long ago.

Others might be more knowledgeable on this than I am, though.

DaRock,

I would go home and drink after my sessions with my last therapist. I don't think it was a good thing.

i like what you said about being able to touch and turn over past experiences. that sounds like it was helpful.

yes, over the long haul it should be positive, i agree. its been about 6 months. i think i need to give it some more time. i dont know though.

hi liese,
how long did you work w the last therapist for?
i have done that with this therapist. now its smoking cigarettes.
what a nightmare.

I stayed with her for about 8 months until I started having panic attacks (which I'd never had before). She didn't even tell me what they were. She told me it was from sex. It took me a month to figure it out. I was pretty pissed that she hadn't told me what was going on.

da rock,

tell her you are smoking more. see what she says. A trauma T told me that we should be able to go to therapy AND function in real life, that it shouldn't be THAT painful. I heard that from another T as well. I didn't know any better because it had been the story of my life.

AFter I left the woman T, well, maybe because I was in such bad shape, current T told me that I should leave sessions feeling good and that if I'm not, I should call him.

DaRock, maybe it's just that there is a sense of safety that she's NOT giving you. Not that she's bad but there is something missing if you are falling back on old coping mechanisms.

My personal opinion on this is that even if therapy is painful and makes you worse for a while, that doesn't mean it won't help over the long term.

HOWEVER, if therapy makes you worse, even in the short term, that means it probably isn't the ideal fit or best management of the therapy.

It's like if someone did surgery on you without using anaesthesia, it would still be effective as surgery provided you didn't run out screaming in the middle. But why the hell would you want to go through that, if there was another option?

It sounds to me like you have a miserable case of negative transference with this particular T, and that she isn't being very proactive in helping you manage your feelings about it. If I were you I'd at least go for a consult with a different T and see if you can find one who feels more immediately helpful to you. If you can't then you can always go back.

hi blt,
me and this T went for a consult and met together with another T. that other T gave us some ideas on things we could work on and what may make it difficult but it did not help.

this t has done everything she can to help me manage my feelings. she calls me almost everyday and emails me most days but her availability does not address the problem, its like its her that drives me nuts and by being available it doesnt address the issue.

hi liese, i told her i was smoking more and she said it was a may of managing my feelings and offered me to email her when i wanted to smoke instead. i told her this was not always possible bec. often i smoke because of feelings i have towards her.

DR, just because she is making herself available doesn't mean she's being effective in helping you manage your feelings. Obviously that strategy isn't working for you, but it seems like she hasn't had any other suggestions?

the other suggestion she has was medication. which i am now taking.

DR,
I have only seen two T's in my life. Current T, who I have been with for just a few months and old T who I was with for 10 years on and off.

With old T - some of the time, when I left therapy, I felt better. Most of the time I felt worse. My depression never got better over the 10 year span. She was available constantly for me. By email, text, phone, whatever.

I couldn't see the bigger picture until after I left therapy, but yes - it was making me worse. I am still sorting everything out, but for the most part her boundaries were too loose, she was too available, and caused me to be far too dependent on her which then made me incapable of growing or being able to manage any type of emotion for myself. I don't believe it was anything that she did on purpose. It was just a combination of a bad match (with a dual relationship involved), probalby some countertransference, and probably her meeting some needs of her own unconciously.

My point is (sorry I highjacked the thread lol) is that I would go with your gut. If you feel it's making you worse, then your probably right. I felt so many times that the therapy was not working, but I kept assuming it was my own issues getting in the way of my growth.

I would try and see someone else if I were you...and possibly a male T instead? (I gather this may be better for you from some of your other threads I have read)

Hang in there,

hi kmay,
what do you mean a dual relationship involved?
are you not having the same problem of feeling worse now with this new T? when you look back, can you say more what about it made you worse? everytime you were in pain you called her? how do you think it could have been made better or how is the new T handling things that make it better?

Liese, she called me this morning and is insisting that i am running away from attachment and i said fine ill come back. lol. what a circus.

haha, well, keep us posted!

quote:

hi kmay,
what do you mean a dual relationship involved?
are you not having the same problem of feeling worse now with this new T? when you look back, can you say more what about it made you worse? everytime you were in pain you called her? how do you think it could have been made better or how is the new T handling things that make it better?

Hi DR,
Dual relationship was b/c my T was a family friend (somewhat removed) but none the less, a family friend. She knew my parents and occasionaly (very rarely) our lives would cross over outside of therapy.
No, I am not currently having the same problem with new T. I have only been with her for about a month and a half now. I feel better when I leave therapy with her. I feel lighter. Hopefully, that won't change.
It's difficult to explain how and why it made me worse with old T. I am still trying to sort that out myself, but you could probably gather the gist of it by reading some of my past threads.
New t has good boundaries and holds to them. That allows me to actually work some things out on my own without becoming so overly dependent on her that it I cannot process anything on my own. Also, I am sure, not having a dual relationship helps a great deal
I will let you know how it all pans out when I get it all figured out myself!

One thing I know for sure (for me) is to trust my instints. I knew for a long time things were not progressing in therapy and that it wasn't a healthy relationship. I should have left sooner.

I hope you can work it all out DR.