Hey Athenacus! Sorry you didn't run into your former T...I hope it will happen for you sometime soon!

Can I ask in your schooling if they have talked about internal boundaries the Therapist must set so they don't get drawn into the clients emotional world?

I am wondering if you couldn't go back to your former T and possibly intern somewhere else (since you miss her so much). Forgive me if that is a bad idea to suggest.

T.

((Athenacus)) I would be open with your T about your needs, because if you don't, she won't know. And maybe if you are open, she'll be able to fill your needs of validation of your feelings. Good luck in talking to her.

TAS - that's a good question about a T's internal boundaries. It really just depends on their theoretical orientation. Some Ts feel staying objective and neutral, but empathic, is what is needed in the therapy. Others feel like there's no other way to heal than to engage authentically with the client, and this means that they will inevitably get drawn into the client's emotional world. Some believe the work is in the transference and countertransference. Others won't talk at all about their countertransference. It's all very confusing, and I'm sorry that I've kind of answered technically. But there's no black or white answer to that. It depends on so many factors.

It's just....it's so hard to compare each other's therapy experiences. It's hard to read about other's therapists and the ways they act toward their clients. Sometimes I get envious of what others have in their therapies, but I also realize that my T gives me a LOT too. I feel so protective over you (and I've never even met you haha..how does that work?) But I keep reading all of your posts, and I just wish it could be less of a struggle for you. You seem to be working so SO hard and not getting much in return (I don't just mean from your T, but just in general). I know you've said over and over that you will not see another T, but I can't help but wonder if there is a better fit for you out there. A T who will be more authentic and meet your needs more (temporarily at least) so that you can feel safe and secure in the relationship. I'm still working on that with my T after 2.5 years with her. She asked me last week if I could feel the caring, empathic, non-judging, loving responses/attitude coming from her. I said sometimes yes, sometimes no. But I hope to get there. She is offering that...just like all Ts (in my opinion) should offer a space that is filled with care, concern, etc. I'm not sure if you just can't feel that coming from your T or if he isn't providing the space for that. I'm obviously not in the room with you...but I wish, for your sake, that you can achieve that sense from him or from some other T in the future. Because you deserve that TAS.

Thank you TAS and Erica!

TAS-I miss former T a whole lot and I have had thoughts of running back to her and ditching the possibility of getting an internship there. I also think of me outgrowing her and her way of doing therapy. I really think in a sense I did need to try out a different kind of therapy with a new T. I think it has increased my learning and training and will be better for me in the end. Just in terminating with former T I learned a lot about myself and things that I need to work on. I know I type messages on here when I ruminate and miss former T. I think about her everyday and realize that she taught me a lot. It was like separating from a best friend. I know that former T and I can never be friends due to ethics and power differential things. That is still hard to believe though seeing as at some point I will be at a similar professional level. Ok...I'm rambling again...and I need to get studying.

Eria-Thank you for the reminder that new T will not know my needs unless I verbalize them to her. For some reason that is one of the toughest things for me to do.

Well, I went to therapy this week. It was really quite good. I wish the session lasted longer.
She asked the right questions and we were on the same wavelength. I love when that happens! It just felt good to talk. One not so good thing about the session is that I found out new T does not have much training in abuse and trauma. My former T's specialty was in that area.
New T has taught me some techniques that have been helpful and she has validated my feelings and just listens, which is what I need a lot of the time.

I need to go for the day.
Thanks for reading!

Took my kiddo to his T today. She had me sit in on the whole session and participate. While talking to my son, she hit some buttons in me (areas that I need to work on as well). Now that I'm studying to be a T I can see things a little differently and see why she asks things the way she does. I hope someday (soon) I'll get that good.

I did not see my former T in the clinic today.

I did see her old office door open though. As I walked down the hallway I glanced in and a flood of good memories and my longing for her came back. Damn, I miss that woman!

(((Athenacus)))

I ran into her! I ran into her (former T)!!!!


Just talking with her for a few minutes gave me the boost in confidence that I needed and helped with my longing to see her.


I think I will write a separate post on this.

YAY! I am glad you got to see her and chat with her...it was probably just as meaningful to her as it was to you!

T.

Thanks TAS!

I'm happy for you, Athenacus! I hope you'll write more about this.

Since I like to create anxieties for myself, it's not enough that I'm in therapy--I like to fast-forward/forecast the time when I will have to leave therapy and wonder how hard it will be, how much I will obsess about T, when/where I would ever run into her (probably never ) and so on.... So hearing about your meeting makes me feel elated and so happy for you today!

RabbitEars