About me: Married guy (10 years) with a family. Been in personal therapy for about 5 months now (depression & anxiety) with a T that I admire and from whom I have learned a great deal.
The setup: Over the last month or so as I have learned awareness of my feelings and needs, I realized that I have been feeling strong longing for my T. Had a VERY painful session a few weeks ago where I brought it up and discussed it. The pain resulted from the realization that my relationship with my T would always be one of therapist-client (though I also realized the value of this). We also discussed my growing awareness of my unhappiness with my wife. I have encouraged her to go to therapy (which she has for a month or so...she doesn't like it much). The dual insight of realizing my own strong needs, desires, preferences and my current lack with my marriage was deeply upsetting as I realize that my awareness will lead to much pain in those that I love most (myself, wife, kids, etc)
The question: As of now, I feel like I strongly love my wife (and children), but that I have repressed my lack of attraction to her for our entire marriage (married out of religious guilt) triggering much of my depression. I have started to reveal this to my wife. I feel amazingly unburdened. She is distraught. We will start marriage therapy soon to look for professional guidance, but I wondered if anybody has experienced such an "enlightenment" or "insight" only to learn this was a transference induced "hallucination"?
So much pain for those I love
