I have found it very helpful to read about the experience of other people in therapy and have noticed a few other people say similar things so I thought I would share a couple of things that I think have helped me on my therapeutic journey.

I am stealing Brene Brown's reminder that the definition of courage is being who you are with your whole heart. More than anything else, I have come to realise that the goal of my therapy is to learn to be me, to love myself and to let myself be seen. When I started nearly 3 years ago, I thought I was trying to change my feelings about myself and "get over" the past. I like my new goal better.

I always knew I had a little girl trapped inside me but I thought I had to keep her hidden and ignore her. She made my life very difficult and once I started to feel comfortable with my T, she began to crave attention and contact. The first thing that helped was admitting to my T that she existed and that she wanted to be seen. At first, I only let her speak through emails, texts and letters that she wrote. My T would read out what she'd written, while I would refuse to make eye contact or respond. I didn't connect emotionally to anything she'd written.
I would stay completely still and hardly move for the entire session, until my T started to suggest I stand up, look out the window, swing my arms about. I know it sounds strange, but physically learning to take up space in the room helped me feel more comfortable. I'm not wild about moving around now, but even being able to shift a bit further down the sofa or move onto the floor has helped me connect with the little girl inside.
I also took the risk of drawing with my T, who draws at the same time, so I don't feel watched. It has helped me feel at ease with just being there. No pressure to speak or answer questions. Just being me, sitting on the floor, knowing however I am or whatever I do, it is fine.
Hiding has also helped me be seen (I know, completely bonkers statement, but it's true...). I have found that when I hide under a blanket, I can somehow let myself say a little bit more - I managed to show my T a picture I've been carrying round for months from the safety of a blanket to dive under. Under the blanket, I can cry or shut out her gaze and recover from the exposure of being seen. Nowadays, it is mostly my little girl who interacts with my T. I am still incredibly ashamed of her at times and wish she didn't dominate our interactions but she is easier to live with now...
I'm not saying therapy is easy, nor are the feelings that come up, but they are my feelings and they are ok.
Taking the risk of asking for what I want (like having the window closed because I find the noise very intrusive) has taught me that asking for what I need does not lead to rejection. It is only through experiencing that I won't be rejected or told off that I will learn it is ok. Adult me knows all of this logically and is a very rational being so is horrified that the little girl has to learn stuff through direct experience. But it is how it is and being reminded by my T that she knows I am a capable, intelligent adult has helped.
I have had to learn to ask for these things - I have had to work out what I need and then take the risk to ask somehow. Often, I didn't know what I wanted until the chance to get it had passed - so after a session or once I had hung up on a call. I learned to write down what my little girl screamed out for afterwards and then present it to my T the next time. I ask her to remind me what I said I wanted during sessions before I see her because often I can't think when I am in her presence, but it is getting easier.
When I come out with "I don't know" when asked what I need from her, she asks me to guess. That take the pressure off having to be right.

Anyway, all this is helping very much in dealing with the feelings I am realising I have about my mother's death and I am starting to be able to be a daughter who has lost her mother for the first time. Therapy is giving me a safe place to be me.

I'm a bit nervous about posting this, but hope someone finds it helpful or interesting.