Hey jd ((())) so sorry for those feelings - I can relate.

{{{{{{{{janedoe}}}}}}}}

SG draws her sword and strikes JD's shame monster several blows. Shame monster: -1800 points.

SG gives JD a medi-pack, including a large vial of grace elixir and a kindness amulet. JD: +2500 points.

If only it were this easy, right? But I hope it makes you smile.

Dragonfly is right-on, I agree with her that you are remarkable, and an inspiration. I just loved reading about your latest experience with the horses, especially Elle. I'm sorry you are feeling shame for wanting connection, though. I love that she more or less ignored the motions you were going through, what you were "trying" to do, and instead went straight to where your heart was. It really sounds like you are on the right track JD...keep going...let those horses melt your heart. Hopefully it'll wash that shame away...you have nothing to be ashamed of!

Hugs,
SG

(((((JD)))))

I'm sorry. I can relate. I agree that your latest posts were an inspiration. You are doing some amazing work. You have nothing to be ashamed of!

quote:

{{{{{{{{janedoe}}}}}}}}

SG draws her sword and strikes JD's shame monster several blows. Shame monster: -1800 points.

SG gives JD a medi-pack, including a large vial of grace elixir and a kindness amulet. JD: +2500 points.

If only it were this easy, right? But I hope it makes you smile.

I couldn't say it better!

Hug, JD,

BB

aw, thanks everyone!!!

I just got a letter this morning that made the battle all the more intense... long story, old triggers that I nearly came undone about.

Instead, I just let all the tears come. I thought of the 'battle' and remembered how 6 months ago, this would have undone me. Maybe this is a chance to try out all these skills and practice getting through this pain and trigger-filled-event another way. I got online, mostly to distract myself and also thought of deleting my 'venting' post until I saw your responses...

dragonfly, smiley, SG, STRM, BB - you all really warmed my heart.

you are too kind!

but you all help me re-fuel my kindness amulet.
(good words SG, totally made me smile

yeah, Elle the horse did just see right through all my motions right to my heart - and she didn't reject me for it. Maybe I should stop doing that so much myself, even when I feel like I'm losing the battle...


p.s.

dear shame monster,
go away.
i've let you take more than enough from me. i'm done fighting you. you had a role, and it's over now. i don't need you anymore!
i'm taking my life back and not giving up.
sincerely,
jd

quote:

p.s.

dear shame monster,
go away.
i've let you take more than enough from me. i'm done fighting you. you had a role, and it's over now. i don't need you anymore!
i'm taking my life back and not giving up.
sincerely,

I love this!!

Me too - let me know if it works!!!!

((janedoe))

starfish

Got to agree, shame IS a monster. It’s the worm at the core, for me anyway and I’m a million miles away from even thinking about feeling it - one of those feelings definitely padlocked away in the big black box in my mind.

JD that you’re openly struggling with it (and starting to tot up a score even, in the PLUS side) is probably a good thing - means you’ve got it in your awareness as something real to work through, can begin to recognize how it’s screwing you up (a feeling rather than who you are - if you know what I mean?)

God there’s so much I could say about shame just not up to posting too much about self at the moment - lol watch this space I’m sure I’ll be back with more.

Hugs to you JD, you’re really working hard now and seem to be in such a better place than a few months ago - well done you!

LL

thanks everyone...

LL - oh, you are so right! It is a worm that eats away at us...
_________________________________

I have to say, yesterday was a much better day in the battle with the shame.

Today, I'm just mixed up. I begining to understand it all a lot more and that combined with even the simple (and often repeated) task of identifying my shame as shame (and not the definition of who I am) seems to be helping lighten the load and be a little less weary.

I travel on to fight another day to hopefully slay this monster someday!