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thinking of T4...what to look for...academics? modes? ethics??

J jillMember
i am just flipping through threads looking for discussion on this, but not finding anything.

what ABOUT degrees?? a very wise person here told me she looks for MSW, as they have more time in the trenches. my last was a phd in psychology, but lacked the compassion gene. my first was just bachelors in psychology and lacked anything but blunt force CBT and blank faces...coz he didn't know much else to do, so he 'just listened'.

i dunno, with my iffy diagnosis of possible borderline personality, at least traits/features of attachment/dependence/abandonment, and mild disassociating....i know i need someone who can go the distance through some rough spots, so i plan to interview that, as well as how best to express anger (without being kicked out, again). i tell you, i see some of the interactions with y'all and your t and this latest T3 just couldn't handle anger.

i envy SO MUCH y'all with these long term relationships, and so want to find that.

also, i read on here alot about psycho-dynamic therapy, and although i have read about it, i don't know that i really get if that is KEY to a good relationship for my kind of damage.

i know i am blabbering alot lately, but those 'labels' of degrees...MSW, PHD, etc. and the modes of therapy (i know i need more than CBT) and apparently someone who SPECIALIZES or has lots of experience in PTSD...EARLY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA...ATTACHMENT ISSUES...

i just want to make this a slow search, a careful search, not jump in to easily into the next lap that is, for now, nice to me.

chemistry is also key, but everyone starts out nice, i know i do. i will refresh them on my recent dismissal too see if they can handle that interaction for an example, but i know good and well t3 woulda said that she would have done 'xyz' and that would have seemed like a good answer. she said she would fight it out in a padded cell if i needed it....f....what a LIAR.

HOW DO YOU TEST FOR COMPASSION AND INTEGRITY IN A THERAPIST! ! ! i know it is trial and error, but dang, three strikes!! i gotta get it right this time!!!!

any advice is appreciated, esp. from those of you with long term relationships that are working...what are their modes, what are their degrees??

thanks so much,

jill
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scaredtoriskmyselfscaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator
My T is an MSW who has always specialized in trauma and attachment. I still think finding someone who works from a body perspective (like those links I shared with you before) and specializes in trauma and attachment would be great. I know, you think so too, but now to find that person! I have almost always had better luck with MSW's, but I did have a really good T that was a Master's level psychologist. However, she missed much of my trauma stuff back when I saw her.

I hope that you are able to find a compassionate and caring T this next time. You have put so much effort into this and I admire your strength and perseverance.
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Jill... I would definitely look for a T with trauma and attachment training. This is really important as I've discovered. I also think for those of us with these issues that psychodynamic therapy works better than CBT although a smattering of CBT does not hurt but it cannot be the focus of the therapy. I think the degree matters less than the training and experience of the T in these areas.

My T is a Ph.D psychologist. In my state you cannot be a psychologist unless you have a Ph.D or a PsyD. My T lists his specialties as anxiety, depression, grief, fears and childhood issues such as ADHD. I thought I had your garden variety GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) when I began seeing him. I was also dealing with my mom's impending death and so I thought having someone to help with the grief would be a good idea. I had NO inkling that I would end up with complex PTSD and attachment issues. My T feels that he is not the right T for me because he has no experience in these areas and it makes him feel inadequate at times. I believe that my attachment and trust in him is more important than expertise and that because I'm so self-aware and insightful about my issues that this can be overcome and worked around. I believe that the relationship is the most important aspect of MY therapy and of course an ethical T who does not abuse the client.

That said... go for someone with trauma and attachment experience. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to test drive a T for compassion and empathy. I guess that is a gut feeling you can get when interviewing them. The trick is to LISTEN to your gut!

Good luck and keep us posted on your search. I think you are admirable for forging ahead and arming yourself with knowledge to make the best choice. Good for you.

TN
J jillMember
good points everyone. thanks, this latest t i noticed did NOT list psycho-dynamic, which, correct me if i am wrong, is a way of actively using the relationship between t and client as an working example of relationship...with transference being a part of that tool. i think that is what she was unfamiliar with, altho i tried to tell her that i think she will be just like my mom and turn on me...and lure me with promises she was unable to keep. of course i said it in gentler words, but i was trying to cue her to work with this transference stuff. apparently, and AMAZINGLY, a phd in psychology couldn't see through my five year old anger at her was mirroring my five year old anger at my narcissistic, uncaring mom (which sadly, she mirrored perfectly...narcissistic and uncaring therapist, and deeply insecure to have to 'brag' all the time about herself).

is that right?? psycho-dynamnic modes USE that relationship as a part of the therapy.

i don't think i can afford a psychiatrist, FOT, dr. sleepy was one, at $239 an hour and i think i need a more direct approach.

MSW sounds right, and real specific childhood trauma and attachment expertice...something no one YET has had....

onward!!

but really, i am enjoying the break, don't feel desparate for another lap to fall into, and really think that i can make a better choice. i had a gut feel even in the first interview with t3 that she talked about herself too much...i am not rushing it this time!!!


thanks, jill
forlornforlornMember
Wow Jill! I just want to say I am in awe of your perseverance. You're incredible Sis! Well Done.

You're taking this with such clarity of thought and spending time thinking carefully and considerately of your next steps. (When Forlorn grows up she wants to be like Jill)

I do wonder if there is some type of interview application for T's. Ya know like that information packet they give us to fill out. Something for them to fill out about their approaches, how they've handled certain situations in the past, number of transference clients, attachment clients, or trauma clients they're currently working with, etc...

Maybe also search some Ratings sites where others have rated their therapist or docs. I know I've rated all my previous docs on sites like that. People need to know.

Really the only way I can think to test them, (which I never do, but keep wanting to do each time) is lay a lot of heavy stuff (as long as you can feel comfortable with it) at the first or second session. I've always wanted to go in lay out some big issues and say "ok, can you handle that and my rude bluntness? Yes? Good."

I think getting the stuff I want outta the way quick will save the time of wondering (for me). Seriously, I've had so much attachment issues that next T I think I'm going to walk right in and hug them as I introduce myself. Screw that handshake.

Though I'm not long term, My T is Master level licensed counselor. Says she does cbt, interpersonal, psychodynamic, and art.


Glad you're coping well Jillybean!

And yes, good riddance to that smell and her nasty attitude!
M mhpMember
Hi Jill,

I totally second what ultraviolet said. Pyschodynamic or Psychoanalysis would be the way to go.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to academic credentials (unless you want a psychiatrist). I'd ask your prospective Ts about their approach and experience in Psychodynamic therapy. It's really more about training and EXPERIENCE than academics.
J jillMember
forlorn, ok, picture it, i am going to walk in the door, and crawl in their lap and ask them to stroke my hair, and if they can't handle that, then they are not the t for me!! (i am joking!! but i do want to lay it all out there FAST and see if they run, i also plan to read them my email, and hers, and see if they would handle it the same, or bolt)

mhp, i just don't know how quickly an analyst could catapult changes in my child??

and FOT, yes, the psychiatrists i have met do seem a bit weird. one i have been recommended to is nice on the phone, but close to my age, nice looking, and i dunno, i just don't know how i could work on attachment issues with a man who i could be attracted to. i think the guilt monster would punish me.

onward, and thanks for all those great points, jill (and forlorn, i wish you higher dreams than growing up to be like me!! but thanks!!)
J jillMember
oh, provo...you don't know the guilt monster?? i don't think i could feel good about the 'play' i would have with a man who knew all my secrets and wasn't my husband, and i know there have been attractive mentally or physically, mainly mentally husbands of friends that i have had to keep extra distance from, as i get to close and i want to 'play'...mentally, my husband does just fine keeping me satisfyed in the other arenas, but mental banter????? oh, how i love it. and i know how to play, and am actually f-ing good at it. sorry, my ego is just getting a bit ballsy lately!!

savy? jill
J jillMember
no, you sound healthy. i got a double dose of guilt plus some growing up...guilt and obligation were my mom's favorite tools to keep me in line. i've learned something too, maybe harmless banter with no goal in mind is ok? i don't know. harmless banter, in my single days with a man, lead to sex. and i liked it that way. mmmmmm jill
Last edited by jill

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