((((KMAY)))))

I've often felt the same way. Stuff gets triggered within my slotted time with T but I can't always contain it myself alone while not in session. Sometimes it feels really unfair.

If I was in your shoes, I would probably interpret the message the same way you did but she made herself available and if you really need to, call her. She wouldn't have said it, hopefully, if she didn't mean it.

Aw, kmay, I can really see why that hurt you. Seems like an insensitive remark and poor timing for it at that, but. . . you have a good T, I think? At least I seem to recall that you have said positive things about her on here before and that the two of you have a good relationship. (Please forgive me if I am confusing your story with that of somebody else.) Anyway, if all that is the case, and if she does not normally have a dismissive or impatient way about her, it could well be that she didn't mean ill by her remark at all. That she was just explaining.

For what it's worth, my T will often explain to me what she is doing when I call, or if she doesn't answer her phone right away she'll call me back and explain why. I've never found the explanations necessary and occasionally have wondered if she's trying to send a "hey, i'm busy, i have a life," message. . .but I don't really think that's it. For one thing, there's something kind of chatty about her disclosures of this kind. I think maybe she's trying to keep it real and relate on a person to person level. For another thing, she doesn't seem annoyed when I call and has often reassured me it's okay.

I guess I'm just trying to suggest. . . maybe evaluate this happening in the context of the whole relationship instead of trying to determine it's meaning in isolation, especially when you are so vulnerable and probably likely to be down on yourself. Maybe it would help to go ahead and call your T if you need to as Liese said. Take her at her word and re-experience the connection.

Just some thoughts. I am really sorry you are struggling with things right now.

Wishing you peace,
--heldincompassion

((((Kmay))))

I think it is a timing thing. I don't think it is about you or how she feels about you. I really don't. When you are feeling so vulnerable and bad about yourself for whatever reason it's easy to turn things around and think nobody cares and have all those bad thoughts. From what you have said in the past about your T, I don't think for one moment she doesn't care about you. It's just bad timing - I'm sure of it.

lots of 's

B2W

quote:

Uummm...you might as well have said "I have a life outside of you and your neediness and your impeding on it right now. Lay off and get yourself together."

kmay...I don't think for a minute this is what was in your T's mind when she left that message for you. You are projecting this onto her. You will never really know what was in her mind until you ask her about it. And what I quoted above is exactly what you should be talking about in your next session with her. In most cases when we react so strongly to circumstances surrounding our T relationship it also has a lot to do with the past and how things played out for us in the past. So looking at these feelings may help you resolve some past hurts.

And believe me, I know it really sucks when you are in some deep, painful revelations and then you have to leave and you are still feeling uncontained. I have told my T at times when I leave him I feel like I walk out of there will all my insides hanging out. You can work on ways with your T to avoid that happening again. She will have to bring you back to a place of containment and groundedness before you leave her. I know it's not easy. For me, it's still a work in progress.

But all of what happened... you leaving uncontained, her message, her call, should be discussed in your next session.

Thinking of you
TN

Thanks Liese, heldincompassion,born2write, TN -

I was not ok when I typed this out. While I still feel that she could have been more mindful of what she said in her message, I know she didn't mean it the way I interperted it.

Yes, she is a good T. A very good one. I know I reacted that way b/c I was so vulnerable just like born2write and TN said.
I ended up texting her back (still in my very vulnerable state) - "Its fine. I know you have a life and other patients outside of me. I'm not trained to lock it up in a box and leave it like you are. I also have no support system. So just disregard my text. Its fine"
Well, she tried calling me several times and then she texted me asking me to please call her. I was so angry and hurt that I didn't respond and shut my phone off. I feel very guilty about that now b/c I think I was trying to hurt her like she had hurt me. When I turned my phone back on she had left me a several messages and several texts. She was asking me to please call her. On her last message she sounded so worried, I felt so horrible. I couldn't bring myself to call her so I texted her and said I was doing ok and I apologized. She text back asking me to please forgive her for letting me down. She said she was trying to protect me by not triggering me. She called twice the next day to check on me as well. Now I feel so guilty for being so mad. I know how much she cares about me and I was just so emotional and vulnerable when I reacted.

This is so hard. I am just now, after two days starting to feel okay again and then I am supposed to go see her again tomorrow and the whole thing starts all over? I don't know if I can do this