(((TAS))) I hope you hear back from him. I think, in general, if you are waiting to hear about scheduling, maybe it could be worked into whatever his boundaries about contact are? I would find it hard to hear back only if he had an opening and not at all if he didn't, like my life was on hold waiting for that information (and with my T, it would be, because there are things I couldn't schedule if I was trying to leave space open, and finding a sitter is a problem). So, maybe you can work it out, at least for the future, that when you are waiting to hear back about scheduling, that he could call back either way and let you know? And on your end, you could promise that call would not turn into anything other than a confirmation of the next time you will see each other and a reminder that he will still be there as expected?

Especially in the past, I have projected so much rejection onto other people that having a blank screen T would probably cause my head to explode. I need to really clearly hear from my T, pretty often, his positive acceptance of me and the work we do together. I don't need help to know I have wounds from people who made me feel in trouble and hated and rejected all the time. I guess, I'm relating to you, and saying if it were me, I'd want to say, "I have no problem talking about how those messages got there and I realize they might only be in my head and not the thoughts or feelings you have toward me, but it would seriously help to be directly reminded that you are NOT those people, because risking myself when so much of me believes that you ARE them is impossible!"

I had a dream about my T once, years ago, where I was small and scared he was going to do something that one part remembers happening, and he just took my hand in his and said that it was safe. I get that Ts can't always take our hands physically, but sometimes, even if it's hard to believe, it helps to hear, "You're safe here!"

I hope you get a call back either way. And I hope however the boundaries work out that your T is able to help you see his acceptance of you, one way or another. At some point, we have to risk the really scary stuff and step forward and see it's not the same. Boo is in swimming class right now. I wouldn't ask her to risk jumping into the deep end and trying to swim; but maybe to wade out where she can stand and dunk her head under. Eventually, as she builds confidence and skills, she WILL be able to jump into the deep end. I don't know if that made any sense...

Anonymously...thank you I hope he does call. If he doesn't...I can not bear the thought of him seeing how difficult this is for me...and yet, not replying. I want to FEEL he cares, and that feeling eludes me...I am trying to be an adult about this but I feel I am getting close to throwing out all decorum...I am hoping for the best...