i don't feel like i going forwards in therapy. i mean, i not even telling me bad stories lately. mostly i just sit with me T and she holds me hand and stuff. i thought this week to do mischief just so we'd have something important for talking about. i told this to me T and her says it's ok for me to just come and sit with her cuz i didn't have much of that. she says it all learning how to just be with people. i feel like me heart was so black and me T helping me to make it go lighter. i love just sitting with her. and i love me T even if i not supposed to. so how do i figure when it's time enough to go? I don't want to go but i said to her that if i did her would get more money from someone else in our spot. her says it's not about the money. her rubbed my back for a little then i started to relax. then i said to her 'remember i'm taller than you so if you decide to pull my hair i can still bite you and stuff' just so her didn't try to trick me into relaxing so her can be mean to me. i mean, not that she done that ever but i always have me guard up. i feel confused for it all. and i made her a bracelet other day too but didn't know to give it to her or not, but i did at the end. her said that was ok and she likes it. but maybe her says it just to be polite? i dunno. actually it's not fair of myself to go having to do mischief just so i can talk to her! cuz i trying hard not to do that kinda stuff (but it always finds me in the end HAHA!) i used to not let her near me but sit at the other end of the room, just in case you know, in case i had to run from her. now it's changed a bit. but i dunno, maybe that means i'm done? her says its another step in therapy to work onpersonal development. dunno. sorry i rambling.

samy