Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
4 replies

Tired and hopeless

yakusokuyakusokuMember
***triggers for hopeless thoughts, wanting to give up***

No one need reply. I am just having thoughts I'd rather not right now and wanting to get them out and not wanting to text T in the middle of the night. I'm very tired. An overwhelming sense of "I'm not going to make it," is rushing through me. It's like running a race and halfway through, you feel like you just have to stop trying for the finish line, like you will collapse if you keep pushing. It's "the wall," I guess. Except life isn't something where you can just stop running. You have to actively take yourself out of the race. I don't want anyone freaking out, because I'm not planning on doing that right now. I'm just feeling really trapped and hopeless, because I know I can't keep running like this, but at least for the sake of others, I can't really stop either. So, I'm just kind of stumbling forward to not be disqualified and not knowing how long I can keep it up or if, God forbid, I were to fall to the point of being unable to carry myself forward, anyone would even come to my rescue. I've spent so long trying to be invisible, I doubt anyone in a position to help "sees" my struggle enough to step in when I need them. I'm sorry for these stupid thoughts and for being so melodramatic. I get this way when I'm worn out. In time, I will fail to understand how I could even write this, I'm sure...

Good night.
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

ButterflyButterflyMember
((((Yaku))))
I am sorry you are feeling this way...especially in the middle of the night too. I know for me everything feels so much worse when the rest of the world is asleep. Please look after yourself and maybe try and allow other people to see your struggles so they may have the chance to help. I know how it feels to try and make yourself invisible but it really is ok to reach out.

Hope you managed to fall asleep.

Butterfly
S sadlyMember
I wrote you a long reply but lost it, internet dodgy here. Sigh. But I was trying to say that it is awful when you feel bad but I was glad you dared to post - as that is what we are here for, to hear you and hold you even if it is from afar. And you ARE moving slowly towards more and more ability to speak the difficult things and of course there are going to be times when you feel this fragile - infact it is a good sign that you dare to feel this fragile whilst working with this T. I would reach out and phone him, if you can, - dare to do that. Cut yourself some slack and be kind to you.

I am sorry I am not able to be actually there but I do care and I am thinking of you and holding you in my heart.
seablueseablueMember
Yaku,
I am so sorry you are struggling with hoplessness. It's so not fair that these feelings can completely negate any progress we've made in our own minds. Frowner The glimmer of hope, like others have said is that these feelings won't last. The healing road is bumpy and winding. You are doing really hard work...please be gentle on yourself. So glad you posted instead of sitting alone with it in the middle of the night.

I hope today is a little better, but if not please remember the wave (or tsunami Frowner) must ebb at some point.

Will be thinking of you.....(((yaku)))

seablue
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Thanks for all the support everyone. I was able to sleep. I woke up A LOT, but no insomnia when I woke, so at least I think I managed to rack up some hours. In these cases, I really can't call T. Maybe if I had been all alone, with no other resources, and about to do something stupid, then I could do it...but I probably still would not. But, in this case, H was home playing video games, my sister (who I wouldn't talk to about this stuff anyway) was here. I had options...but just do not feel like I can count on these people who always seem to need so much from me. Paradoxically, I feel free to give and receive here without any heaviness at all. I think maybe it is the nature of coming into contact with my dissociated feelings that my sister (who sparked a lot of the abuse from my mom) and my husband (who, despite not much able to help it, has hurt me repeatedly through his condition) cannot be the people I turn to when I am feeling hurt right now. Thank you all, once again, for your kind words and support. Still kind of "in it," but it's day and I will talk to T in about two hours. I can make it until then.

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×