Hi Ninn,
Please take what I am about to say with a large grain of salt as I am on a lot of painkillers after a molar extraction done under general anaesthia which could reasonably call my judgment into question ( even mores than usual ).

Run like hell from this woman. That kind of punitive judging, blaming and shaming has no place in a therapy session. I'm concerned this woman is even practicing, let alone that you personally have to deal with her. Her behavior from our parents is what drove a lot of us into therapy in the first place. There were SO many red flags in what you relayed that it was more like watching a bullfighter twirl his cape. Go find another T.

Pardon my bluntness, as I mentioned, too many meds involved which make it difficult to be more diplomatic at the moment. I'm sorry Ninn, I don't think you deserve to be treated that way. No one does.



AG

Hello Ninn, wow I'm sorry you are going through so much in your life (a marriage break up is no small thing! apart from everything else going on) and from the way you are describing how your T is I can't help but think that she's not only not helping but actually making everything infinitely worse for you.

I have to echo what AG said, just about everything your T is doing and saying sets up red flags for me too.

I would suggest that you do go to your session tomorrow, but be ready to confront her about all the things you've said in your message. It *may* be that your being up front about how all of this is affecting you will make her realize what she's doing and change her approach to you, it's always worth trying to resolve these things before making any final decisions. (Lol this coming from the 'queen' of therapy terminations!)

But to be honest, it does sound like you might be in a position where termination is the safest thing to do for yourself.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and let us know how it goes?

LL

Ninn,

I agree with AG. I have serious concerns about a T that is telling you that you are "weak" and shaming and guilting you rather than trying to help get to the root cause of the issues. There is no room for that kind of treatment in therapy. You deserve to have someone on your side who is supporting you and working with you.

(((hugs)))

Hey Ninn, all the best with the session today (presuming you haven't yet had it.) If you feel up to it, please come back and let us know how it went, and how you are?

Thinking of you

LL

((((( Ninn ))))

Oh well done you! You have every reason to feel proud

It sounds like you really stood up for yourself and were able to show your T a lot of things about how you felt and have been affected, and that T gave you some responses that have altered your way of seeing her and your therapy, maybe for the better? I’d have liked to hear her own and apologize for saying the sorts of things she did in previous sessions, but maybe it’s possible that she explained her comments in a way that have let you see them differently?

Your post certainly sounds encouraging, even though you are feeling sad at the moment – I gather that though this session went well you are still having doubts about continuing working with T? Sorry I’m just restating what you’ve already said. If you feel up to it, it would be great to hear more about how the session went – whatever happens next session it’s SO good that you were able to stand up for yourself and confront T about these things, hopefully that will affect how T relates to you next session and that you’ll be able to maintain standing up for what you need.

I am pleased for you!

LL

Hi, Ninn...just wondering how things are going for you? I had a hard time posting because your T reminded me of mine in some ways. My T would say all the "right" things about being non-judgemental and affirming and so on...but then when I would share hopeless nad helpless thoughts with him, he reacted by trying to fix it, instead of helping me to discover where those beleifs and feelings originated. Then when I called him on it, he insisted that he was always trying to get me to talk about the past, but that I wouldn't so he had to be more patient. arg. I tsill balme myself for a lot of what happened. But I think you would do yourself a service to find a better T, most likely.

Sorry if this is too blunt. i really feel for you. It sucks to be in this situation, where your therapy isn't helping you progress, and the T won't try to help figure out new ways, but leaves it all on you.

(((((Ninn)))

Let us know how it is going?

PS, it is good you had a good session...I remember that too, how I would get desperate enough and talk, and then it would all be ok for awhile, as my T was once again "pleased" with me. Or so I thought.
I hope sincerely that things can work out for you. I know how hard it is to fire a T.

Hello Ninn, can I ask if I said something offensive or critical in my post to you that you didn’t acknowledge it? Or did you just not see it to read it? I’m going to assume this is my own paranoia for now though and reply to your last post as if you would want a response from me.

Thanks for giving such a detailed and honest description of what went on in your session

Reading between the lines I am getting the impression that your T operates in a psychoanalytic way. I can’t remember if you’ve already explained what modality your T is, but the fact that instead of validating your feelings and telling you how she feels about things, she is keeping the focus on what’s going on in you strikes me as being a psychoanalytic/psychodynamic approach. Lol ‘tell me more about that’ is classic psychoT speak!

So the (what seemed to me initially quite dismissive and almost defensive) answer ‘why was that so offensive’ about the feeling sorry for yourself comment could well be not that she is dismissing how it made you feel, but rather wanting you to go more into how it made you feel and what it meant to you. (Though why she would want to say it in the first place is beyond me, unless she said it as a question?) Also the way she exclaimed about your coming off 5 meds at once could have just been surprise, as in, goodness that’s a bit dodgy to do all at once...

And her explanation of the sui discussion, how she said she was using your children as a ‘tool’ to help keep you safe, that is actually quite honest of her (though could be interpreted as manipulative!) From what I understand of T ethics, they are bound in all instances to ensure the safety of their clients and a client talking about sui thoughts would be taken very seriously indeed. Her comment about processing stuff coming a poor second to keeping you safe makes sense to me. Perhaps she overestimated the risk to you, and maybe that is something you could talk to her about, that actually you need to be able to talk about when you feel sui without it meaning you are planning on acting on it? (I see in your previous post that you HAVE done this, but maybe you need to be clearer and more insistent on feeling free to talk about these things?)

She’s not giving you much encouragement or support though is she? Like some of her last comments about if you feel that not crying is enough of a goal, then… and that she says that as it seems you don’t trust her maybe you should see someone else… those sorts of comments can’t exactly make you feel safe and supported.

Initially when I read your description of how your session had gone I was feeling like wow what a cold defensive dismissive T, but when I looked more into it, I started to think that perhaps a lot of how you are interpreting her responses to you is coming from a place of anger and unmet needs in you. But this is me interpreting what you’ve said entirely according to my experience and perspective, and obviously I don’t know HOW she said the things she did to you, so if what I’ve said is a crock of shite, please do correct me. Responding just to how you’ve described the session, I personally would find it very hard to work with someone like that!

In any event, I really hope you are coping and will be able to resolve it all one way or the other in your next session.

Good wishes to you Ninn

LL

What if, instead of firing her, you simply took a break? It sounds like you are not feeling good about the way things are going right now, yet you are not ready to pull the trigger on a complete termination. Perhaps a break is all that is needed to give you both a fresh perspective and start anew when you return?

Hello Ninn thanks for replying and also for sharing more of how your therapy has been going. From the extra details you've posted I am once again getting 'red flag' feelings about your T (I especially found it disconcerting that she refused to give you a hug, it almost sounded sulky or playing tit for tat - not very professional at the least.)

I'm sorry I'm not replying more, I'm in a hurry tonight but wanted to post to say hi and thanks for your reply, and also to wish you luck with tomorrow's session. I'm assuming you are going to go? If so, let us know how it goes?

Lots of good wishes to you

LL

Hello there Ninn, I hope your sessions with T and P went ok. If you feel up to it, let us know how you’re doing?

LL