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Hey Unbroken. I don't think we've met yet but I just want to say I feel for your situation and that must be really hard.
I am constantly afraid of being too much myself and my T is always trying to reassure me that isn't the case. I don't know what I would do if it was the other way around
I think that must feel devastating!! But I'm really proud of you for taking constructive action to try to find someone who will be better for you. I hope it goes really well!
I am constantly afraid of being too much myself and my T is always trying to reassure me that isn't the case. I don't know what I would do if it was the other way around
I think that must feel devastating!! But I'm really proud of you for taking constructive action to try to find someone who will be better for you. I hope it goes really well!
Hi Unbroken, we've never "met" on here, but I wanted to add to your thread.
I'm glad you haven't let this ending with T get you down to the point where you've given up. You absolutely CAN get better and the fact that you have supportive friends and family is even more encouragement that you will.
It was probably jarring to be told you needed hospitalization, but I would say just take it as one person's opinion. I'm sure you can make a good decision for your own health and safety about going or not.
When I initially sought treatment, no individual T's were too eager to see me and I was recommended to an Intensive Outpatient program. I'm sure that program helps a great many people, but it didn't help me. I didn't have time for it; I continually stressed about missing time at work to be there and then got frustrated because being there was boring. They agreed that it wasn't the place for me and I was released with referral to a wonderful T, who I'm seeing now. So, I went through a full evaluation process that resulted in "Yes. You need this program." and it turns out I didn't.
As for seeing her, would this be one last time? Or was your conversation more like "We need to think about ending this and you going somewhere else." Either way, I see her and just tell her what's on your mind, basically what you've said here. Hopefully she'll understand where you're coming from and how hard this is for you.
You're really brave--best of luck!
I'm glad you haven't let this ending with T get you down to the point where you've given up. You absolutely CAN get better and the fact that you have supportive friends and family is even more encouragement that you will.
It was probably jarring to be told you needed hospitalization, but I would say just take it as one person's opinion. I'm sure you can make a good decision for your own health and safety about going or not.
When I initially sought treatment, no individual T's were too eager to see me and I was recommended to an Intensive Outpatient program. I'm sure that program helps a great many people, but it didn't help me. I didn't have time for it; I continually stressed about missing time at work to be there and then got frustrated because being there was boring. They agreed that it wasn't the place for me and I was released with referral to a wonderful T, who I'm seeing now. So, I went through a full evaluation process that resulted in "Yes. You need this program." and it turns out I didn't.
As for seeing her, would this be one last time? Or was your conversation more like "We need to think about ending this and you going somewhere else." Either way, I see her and just tell her what's on your mind, basically what you've said here. Hopefully she'll understand where you're coming from and how hard this is for you.
You're really brave--best of luck!
(((((UNBROKEN)))))
All I can say is I'm so sorry this is happening to you. As someone who goes twice a week, and feels it is just the right amount of support for me to get me functioning again, I agree wholeheartedly with you that is what you need. And your T seems to be like mine was, with this whole dependency as pathological thing going on.
I am so glad that you called a trauma T and that you have an appointment with her. I think it's great that she wrote a book on attachment.
Just wanted to let you know that I am functioning so much better since my T has accepted my dependency and let me come twice a week. I feel much more stable. I'm actually going out and doing things and meeting people and taking risks. As he even said, I'm having bouts of joy now. And that's the whole point. Eventually I won't need to depend on him so much. But I do now.
Current T doesn't understand your emotional needs nor attachment. Where is TN?
Did you tell us how long she has been a T? I'm so offended that she thinks you need to be hospitalized. I WANTED to be hospitalized last spring and my T told me that I do not want to go there. If he would have signed the papers, I would have gone in a heartbeat. I'm so glad he resisited.
It's so terrific that you have supportive family and friends who are validating for you that you don't need to be hospitalized. I can't believe she said that just because you want to go twice a week. As I said to my T, they take away our defenses and break down our psyche and then say, "oh, but we're only going to give you this much support." There is something really inhumane about that and he agreed.
xoxo
Liese
All I can say is I'm so sorry this is happening to you. As someone who goes twice a week, and feels it is just the right amount of support for me to get me functioning again, I agree wholeheartedly with you that is what you need. And your T seems to be like mine was, with this whole dependency as pathological thing going on.
I am so glad that you called a trauma T and that you have an appointment with her. I think it's great that she wrote a book on attachment.
Just wanted to let you know that I am functioning so much better since my T has accepted my dependency and let me come twice a week. I feel much more stable. I'm actually going out and doing things and meeting people and taking risks. As he even said, I'm having bouts of joy now. And that's the whole point. Eventually I won't need to depend on him so much. But I do now.
Current T doesn't understand your emotional needs nor attachment. Where is TN?
Did you tell us how long she has been a T? I'm so offended that she thinks you need to be hospitalized. I WANTED to be hospitalized last spring and my T told me that I do not want to go there. If he would have signed the papers, I would have gone in a heartbeat. I'm so glad he resisited.
It's so terrific that you have supportive family and friends who are validating for you that you don't need to be hospitalized. I can't believe she said that just because you want to go twice a week. As I said to my T, they take away our defenses and break down our psyche and then say, "oh, but we're only going to give you this much support." There is something really inhumane about that and he agreed.
xoxo
Liese
Hey Brokes.
So glad you called the trauma T and that you are going. I think your T lost the plot and is causing you too many unnecessary attachment and boundary issues. I think you caught her at a bad time and she lashed out at you.
I have never liked the way she keeps you at arms length and withholds contact so much when there is a legitimate need. To me what she does is punitive and we don't need that.
Perhaps your T isn't qualified enough in the trauma field or in a good mental health state herself to give you want you need right now? I don't know - thinking of it from her point of view - maybe she is overwhelmed in her life, her caseload, knowing she can't or won't give you what you need?
Always here for you
SD
So glad you called the trauma T and that you are going. I think your T lost the plot and is causing you too many unnecessary attachment and boundary issues. I think you caught her at a bad time and she lashed out at you.
I have never liked the way she keeps you at arms length and withholds contact so much when there is a legitimate need. To me what she does is punitive and we don't need that.
Perhaps your T isn't qualified enough in the trauma field or in a good mental health state herself to give you want you need right now? I don't know - thinking of it from her point of view - maybe she is overwhelmed in her life, her caseload, knowing she can't or won't give you what you need?
Always here for you
SD
quote:Current T doesn't understand your emotional needs nor attachment. Where is TN?
I'm here. Hi unbroken. I am so sorry you are experiencing this rupture with your T. If I remember correctly your T is only in practice a few years right? Correct me if I'm wrong on this. Did I miss something in your post or did you edit it because I see others referring to Ts objection to seeing you twice per week? I do think that she is just really inexperienced, does not understand attachment, is very likely NOT psychodynamically trained and is very uncomfortable with the necessary dependency that you need to feel secure and later heal and grow. What these T's do not understand is that the more you are allowed to depend, the less you will need to and eventually you won't need much contact at all. What she is doing by pushing you away is activating your attachment instinct of wanting to cling even more.
What happens with attachment is that first the baby cries because it needs some attention, if the baby is ignored, it cries louder, then clings, later if there is no adequate response the baby becomes despondent and depressed. By T ignoring your attachment needs she is causing you to cry louder and then you want to cling and later you become depressed and feel the loss.
I would not even think about inpatient treatment until you get a thorough evalution by a T that understands complex trauma and attachment issues. I think it's really a good decision to see this other T who is knowledgeable about attachment. I am sorry that you must feel this pain caused by your T. I know that my current T has said often that my oldT pathologized my issues when I am basically healthy only wounded, and with some developmental shortfalls. Yes, I need to grieve the past and be allowed to grow in a more normal and healthy way but that is not a pathology. He insists that I am not broken or unfixable and we can heal my trauma. My oldT although I loved him didn't have a damn clue. That is why it's important you find the right T who will help you with this.
Please let us know how it all goes. I am super glad you have family and friends for support. It makes a huge difference.
Hugs
TN
TN. Your words have helped me too. As always.
Brokes - after reading TN's post - you are doing the absolute best thing. T isn't the right person for you - I know how hard it is to be attached and love a T who is not right for you. Remember the silver lining is that your new T will be even better.
Brokes - after reading TN's post - you are doing the absolute best thing. T isn't the right person for you - I know how hard it is to be attached and love a T who is not right for you. Remember the silver lining is that your new T will be even better.
Glad I could help SD.
Unbroken (and remember you ARE unbroken) I am so sorry that for one contact out of session your T sees fit to react in that way. That is no way to heal attachment injury and you cannot live with a therapy where you are afraid to reach out to your attachment figure. Just not gonna work.
Believe me I know and understand the agony of changing T's when you are attached. I know (and so does SD, Sadly, Beebs and a few others here) of how you will grieve and struggle in the beginning and how you will miss your T. But if your new T is knowledgeable in time a new attachment will form and you will heal. I would ask up front if she allows out of session contact and how that works. I cannot emphasize enough how important that has been for me with my new T. I can email him or beep him when it's more urgent (that does not mean an emergency, just that I cannot wait for an email response). He even encouraged me to email while he was on vacation! I also know AG will vouch for how important this outside contact is. So ask new T.
And remember, we are all here to help you process the pain and work through the adjustment.
TN
Unbroken (and remember you ARE unbroken) I am so sorry that for one contact out of session your T sees fit to react in that way. That is no way to heal attachment injury and you cannot live with a therapy where you are afraid to reach out to your attachment figure. Just not gonna work.
Believe me I know and understand the agony of changing T's when you are attached. I know (and so does SD, Sadly, Beebs and a few others here) of how you will grieve and struggle in the beginning and how you will miss your T. But if your new T is knowledgeable in time a new attachment will form and you will heal. I would ask up front if she allows out of session contact and how that works. I cannot emphasize enough how important that has been for me with my new T. I can email him or beep him when it's more urgent (that does not mean an emergency, just that I cannot wait for an email response). He even encouraged me to email while he was on vacation! I also know AG will vouch for how important this outside contact is. So ask new T.
And remember, we are all here to help you process the pain and work through the adjustment.
TN
Brokes - I can show you my list that I had when I went and saw my T after being terminated. I was raw and in shock and asked the most direct questions about attachment and outside contact and what I wanted and what I needed and would T provide it.
My T has provided it and much more (after a few big ruptures.....). She is asking me to work out what contact I need over the holidays - eg: email, text and a phone call..... PLUS she has just suggested she give me something of hers so I feel connected during the bad times. She knows her attachment therapy stuff.
Is it possible for you to see that Trauma T AND T at the same time? Don't look at this as a permanent break.
I have two attached people - how I need them both... altho one gives me a mountain of grief. Don't get rid of T just yet, but do invest in a relationship with a good, experienced trauma T.
I had forgotten that your T was so inexperienced.
TN: you always help. I think I am becoming attached to you.......
My T has provided it and much more (after a few big ruptures.....). She is asking me to work out what contact I need over the holidays - eg: email, text and a phone call..... PLUS she has just suggested she give me something of hers so I feel connected during the bad times. She knows her attachment therapy stuff.
Is it possible for you to see that Trauma T AND T at the same time? Don't look at this as a permanent break.
I have two attached people - how I need them both... altho one gives me a mountain of grief. Don't get rid of T just yet, but do invest in a relationship with a good, experienced trauma T.
I had forgotten that your T was so inexperienced.
TN: you always help. I think I am becoming attached to you.......
((((UNBROKEN)))))
Isn't yours the T who more or less confided that she had her own issues and may be borderline herself? Maybe she doesn't have a handle on herself. Maybe her issues are getting comingled with yours and she can't sort them out. You are not a mess. Well, and if you are, I'm right there with you.
xoxo
Love,
Liese
Isn't yours the T who more or less confided that she had her own issues and may be borderline herself? Maybe she doesn't have a handle on herself. Maybe her issues are getting comingled with yours and she can't sort them out. You are not a mess. Well, and if you are, I'm right there with you.
xoxo
Love,
Liese
Yeah Liese, I think it is Broke's T who said that she said "takes one to know one" or something like that.
If you two are in messes, I am there next to you both. I am here waving at you both, sitting in my mess.
If you two are in messes, I am there next to you both. I am here waving at you both, sitting in my mess.
Hi Unbroken,
I know a T can tell a family member if they believe you are not safe (correct??) but they can't make you tell about STUFF (like relationships, rape, etc), right????!
Do you know why she thinks you are unsafe? Sometimes a T really doesn't have the whole picture. I'm glad you have support people. I'm also glad you are looking for a new T.
I know a T can tell a family member if they believe you are not safe (correct??) but they can't make you tell about STUFF (like relationships, rape, etc), right????!
Do you know why she thinks you are unsafe? Sometimes a T really doesn't have the whole picture. I'm glad you have support people. I'm also glad you are looking for a new T.
Wow - I just read through all the posts and was echoing everyone's thoughts and words. Then, I read your last post and my initial thought was heck yeah, fire her. But....neither do I have the whole picture and I don't know how attached you are to her or how you feel now. If it were me, I'd go to the trauma T and share all this as well.
Hey Brokes,
I think you definitely should see trauma T, but I don't see any benefit in taking H to see your T - what point?
Your T, I think it too inexperienced for this and she is covering her butt. I think you should not go to that appointment or your session this week (is it still on?) as you should have some space between your T and yourself. Get your head clear for the traumaT.
This is sounding such a similar siutation to my youngT - she was inexperienced but I got no warning, I was out. Your T is kind of being manipulative or something. She has had an agenda about you NOT doing the DBT group and has wanted your H to see her in a joint session - surely this is something that the client wants and needs too and it is an agreement - not that you are forced to drag hubby along.
I think your T has lost her objectivity in this. I just can't work her out, she is so hot and cold.
Brokes - if your T is only recently qualified - is she being supervised at all?
SD
I think you definitely should see trauma T, but I don't see any benefit in taking H to see your T - what point?
Your T, I think it too inexperienced for this and she is covering her butt. I think you should not go to that appointment or your session this week (is it still on?) as you should have some space between your T and yourself. Get your head clear for the traumaT.
This is sounding such a similar siutation to my youngT - she was inexperienced but I got no warning, I was out. Your T is kind of being manipulative or something. She has had an agenda about you NOT doing the DBT group and has wanted your H to see her in a joint session - surely this is something that the client wants and needs too and it is an agreement - not that you are forced to drag hubby along.
I think your T has lost her objectivity in this. I just can't work her out, she is so hot and cold.
Brokes - if your T is only recently qualified - is she being supervised at all?
SD
quote:She got pissed and told me it's not funny and she is making me tell H everything-- about a couple past relationships I have had and the rape. She is forcing me to do this!
Oh dear, unbroken, this is way out of line. She cannot "force" you to do anything unless you are a clear danger to yourself or her or someone else. It would be violating your privacy. I think her behavior is irresponsible.
I think you need to put off meeting with your T until you go on that consultation with the attachment T. You need some support and input before making any decisions. Forcing you into revealing all those things to your dh could traumatize you and cause you damage so don't do anything until you get that consult.
I'm sorry this is so painful for you. If you are coping in your daily life and able to care for yourself and others in the family then why would she suggest in patient treatment? Just because you contacted her once? This makes no sense to me.
Let us know how you are doing.
TN
Unbroken,
I don't have as much experience as most in regards to therapy, but I read this thread through and it really struck me. Something just doesn't sound right. My T actually finds it amusing that I'm so concerned about becoming overly dependent on him. I did not want to be considered "dependent"...I was careful about measuring out and planning when contact would be. I had to let a certain number of days pass before I could "bug" him again. But he kept at it: "So what? Be dependent. It's OK!"
If I was told NOW that I'm too dependent, I would also feel angry and heartbroken. Sometimes a kind text, just one, or a VM message can go a long way.
Heh... I have a plant that represents (um..I suppose attachment) to my T. What's funny is that I have not watered it in a week.
I know that feeling all too well. I was in "very bad place" one night a few years ago. There is nothing worse than looking at your cell phone, staring at it in fear, wondering if you should reach out or not, if you might get rejected.. (and I have, it's a very sad story, and happened only a few years ago) Oh, this attachment thing. You can FEEL it so intensely, literally, in the chest.
I hope you do not feel that pain for too long. I'll keep looking in to see how your are doing!
I don't have as much experience as most in regards to therapy, but I read this thread through and it really struck me. Something just doesn't sound right. My T actually finds it amusing that I'm so concerned about becoming overly dependent on him. I did not want to be considered "dependent"...I was careful about measuring out and planning when contact would be. I had to let a certain number of days pass before I could "bug" him again. But he kept at it: "So what? Be dependent. It's OK!"
If I was told NOW that I'm too dependent, I would also feel angry and heartbroken. Sometimes a kind text, just one, or a VM message can go a long way.
Heh... I have a plant that represents (um..I suppose attachment) to my T. What's funny is that I have not watered it in a week.
I know that feeling all too well. I was in "very bad place" one night a few years ago. There is nothing worse than looking at your cell phone, staring at it in fear, wondering if you should reach out or not, if you might get rejected.. (and I have, it's a very sad story, and happened only a few years ago) Oh, this attachment thing. You can FEEL it so intensely, literally, in the chest.
I hope you do not feel that pain for too long. I'll keep looking in to see how your are doing!
I wish I could put all my thoughts in one post!
Something came to mind about just being with someone as they go through intense pain. Not trying to solve a problem, but just being there with them. My T used to say that it helped one tolerate their pain, and possibly (depending on the situation) learn to tolerate it on their own. But this has to happen, I think, on our own time. Of course, we all need that support when things get to be too much, and it is good to know that there is no "cut off" date. That would be like being told that you better eat all you can now at the buffet...because soon you will starve!
Something came to mind about just being with someone as they go through intense pain. Not trying to solve a problem, but just being there with them. My T used to say that it helped one tolerate their pain, and possibly (depending on the situation) learn to tolerate it on their own. But this has to happen, I think, on our own time. Of course, we all need that support when things get to be too much, and it is good to know that there is no "cut off" date. That would be like being told that you better eat all you can now at the buffet...because soon you will starve!
Just a quick update.
T and I have parted ways.
I'm devastated.
I have a new T who is more experienced in all of the attachment/bpd issues. THANK GOD.
I'll write more later when I can see through tears.
Back to being broken!
T and I have parted ways.
I'm devastated.
I have a new T who is more experienced in all of the attachment/bpd issues. THANK GOD.
I'll write more later when I can see through tears.
Back to being broken!
Unbroken - I'm sorry you're hurting but very pleased you're no longer with that T - there was something clearly wrong and she was not helping you at all. I'm so glad you have a new T who can help you through this situation and everything else!
Take care, Morgs
Take care, Morgs
(((((((UNBROKEN)))))
Sending you lots of love and support. Glad you already have your attachment T in place. And I agree that there was something just not right about the other one. Although I know how much you loved her so I'm sure it doesn't help to hear that.
xoxo
Love,
Liese
Sending you lots of love and support. Glad you already have your attachment T in place. And I agree that there was something just not right about the other one. Although I know how much you loved her so I'm sure it doesn't help to hear that.
xoxo
Love,
Liese
((HUGS)) Brokes. You are going to be OK.
liese - yes I remember those feelings - adoring your T but *knowing* that they didn't have the experience and expertise to help you.
I am listening right this sec to "bittersweet symphony" by The Verve. Bittersweet - that is how it feels. You adore them but they are not good for you.
Here for you Brokes, as you know. Night or day.
liese - yes I remember those feelings - adoring your T but *knowing* that they didn't have the experience and expertise to help you.
I am listening right this sec to "bittersweet symphony" by The Verve. Bittersweet - that is how it feels. You adore them but they are not good for you.
Here for you Brokes, as you know. Night or day.
So sorry Unbroken for your pain and what happened with your T. You will go through a period of grieving and it will be painful and it will suck but it's likely for the best. I know that is hard to hear. I would yell at people when they told me that when my oldT abandoned me. I was so hurt and scared and lost. I really do know how this feels. It's horrible. But you are strong, you have friends and family and we are here to support you.
I am pleased to hear you have the other T lined up and ready to help you. The best thing to do now is to continue with therapy so you have someone and a safe place to talk about all of this and process the grief.
Please let us know how you are doing. I hope you are okay and handling things as well as possible. I'll be thinking of you and checking back here. And.... you ARE still Unbroken. You are just wounded. You will be better and stronger than ever one day.
Hugs
TN
I am pleased to hear you have the other T lined up and ready to help you. The best thing to do now is to continue with therapy so you have someone and a safe place to talk about all of this and process the grief.
Please let us know how you are doing. I hope you are okay and handling things as well as possible. I'll be thinking of you and checking back here. And.... you ARE still Unbroken. You are just wounded. You will be better and stronger than ever one day.
Hugs
TN
I am so glad you have another T lined up.
I do feel deep empathy for you right now, for all the pain. I totally back you up on your choice.
I wish you much peace.
I do feel deep empathy for you right now, for all the pain. I totally back you up on your choice.
I wish you much peace.
Hello all!
I've been hanging in there going through moments of severe lows, but trying to remind myself that this T wasn't the right one for me. It does feel like heartache, though. I lost something that I cared about very deeply. I feel that she was caring enough to refer me onto someone who was a specialist. It makes sense. She's not experienced in this trauma work, and can't give me the level of care that I need. So, a T with more experience and education should be able to help me more. My head understands, but my heart doesn't get it.
I see new T tomorrow. I am glad I have something lined up because the grief at what has happened has left me feeling REALLY low.
I really appreciate your support during this difficult time. HUGS to all. AND please pray that I can find a new T that will give me the things I need to heal.
Unbroken
I've been hanging in there going through moments of severe lows, but trying to remind myself that this T wasn't the right one for me. It does feel like heartache, though. I lost something that I cared about very deeply. I feel that she was caring enough to refer me onto someone who was a specialist. It makes sense. She's not experienced in this trauma work, and can't give me the level of care that I need. So, a T with more experience and education should be able to help me more. My head understands, but my heart doesn't get it.
I see new T tomorrow. I am glad I have something lined up because the grief at what has happened has left me feeling REALLY low.
I really appreciate your support during this difficult time. HUGS to all. AND please pray that I can find a new T that will give me the things I need to heal.
Unbroken
Hi Unbroken: I hope that you will soon start seeing your situation as a great opportunity to finally begin some real healing with an appropriate T. I am six months now with an incredible T where I have done more healing than in the previous eight years with my old T. The fact that you can see intellectually that your T was not right for you shows that you have started listening to your inner voice and making good decisions in your best interest. While I am sorry you are hurting, I also am excited for you that you can start fresh and perhaps make some real progress as I have done. Best of luck to you.
HI Unbroken
I'm new here but read through this post and feel so bad for what you have gone through.
This has nothing to do with you at all. The therapist obviously was not qualified. She may have been academically qualified but there is so much more to a therapist.
I hope things will go better for you with the trauma T.
Still it must feel like a loss and I'm so sorry this has happened.
I'm new here but read through this post and feel so bad for what you have gone through.
This has nothing to do with you at all. The therapist obviously was not qualified. She may have been academically qualified but there is so much more to a therapist.
I hope things will go better for you with the trauma T.
Still it must feel like a loss and I'm so sorry this has happened.
Brokes, just keep remembering the trauma I went thru when youngT and how good things are with T. things will get better. Hope you go great today.
I am so happy for you!! I hope you are able to make a smooth transition and start getting better again. Thank you so much for sharing.
Unbroken,
Wishing the best for you! Sounds like what may be really helpful for you.
Hopeful
Wishing the best for you! Sounds like what may be really helpful for you.
Hopeful
This is really good news Unbroken!!!
So glad you found a therapist who seems to be such a good fit for you. She sounds so nurturing and understanding. I bet you will grow attached to her in time.
Actually-feeling kind of pissed off at your OldT-didn't she claim to practice DBT as well? I thought out-of-session contact was standard protocol for DBT therapy?...hmm.
So glad you found a therapist who seems to be such a good fit for you. She sounds so nurturing and understanding. I bet you will grow attached to her in time.
Actually-feeling kind of pissed off at your OldT-didn't she claim to practice DBT as well? I thought out-of-session contact was standard protocol for DBT therapy?...hmm.
Thanks for the update, Unbroken. So many T's make dependence seem like some pathological thing when it's part of human development. It is a natural thing that occurs for children when their development goes smoothly. Some of us didn't have that chance.
I am so glad this new T is understanding, knowledgable and unthreatened by outside contact and attachment. Seems like she will trust the process which will make therapy less anxiety-ridden for you.
I know it's hard to leave a T you are attached to. And I know it seems impossible to believe you will ever attach again but I'm living proof. I was with oldT almost 3 years of seeing him twice a week and having him see my son and also attend his summer camp. We were very close and then he harshly abandoned me and made the period afterwards a living hell. It would seem with that history I could never trust or attach again. But I am attaching to my current T which he says is a sign of my health but I also think it's a sign of how fabulous a T he really is. But I will tell you (and you will see if you read my old posts) that in the beginning I could not "see" my new T. His face would not even come into focus for me for months. I HATED his office and I was angry with him for not being my old T. I would not even refer to him as "my" T for months, I called him "newT". Then one day I could SEE him and I realized I was no longer angry with him for not being oldT, I was happy he was MY T and I told him this. It made him so happy.
He is a vastly better T than oldT and I have come a long way with him. I truly believe he saved me when I was so lost and traumatized.
I hope you find the same level of healing with your new T. Keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.
As for your oldT... she has it all wrong about dependency. Hopefully, she will learn as she gains experience but it's sad you had to be hurt in the meantime.
Hugs
TN
I am so glad this new T is understanding, knowledgable and unthreatened by outside contact and attachment. Seems like she will trust the process which will make therapy less anxiety-ridden for you.
I know it's hard to leave a T you are attached to. And I know it seems impossible to believe you will ever attach again but I'm living proof. I was with oldT almost 3 years of seeing him twice a week and having him see my son and also attend his summer camp. We were very close and then he harshly abandoned me and made the period afterwards a living hell. It would seem with that history I could never trust or attach again. But I am attaching to my current T which he says is a sign of my health but I also think it's a sign of how fabulous a T he really is. But I will tell you (and you will see if you read my old posts) that in the beginning I could not "see" my new T. His face would not even come into focus for me for months. I HATED his office and I was angry with him for not being my old T. I would not even refer to him as "my" T for months, I called him "newT". Then one day I could SEE him and I realized I was no longer angry with him for not being oldT, I was happy he was MY T and I told him this. It made him so happy.
He is a vastly better T than oldT and I have come a long way with him. I truly believe he saved me when I was so lost and traumatized.
I hope you find the same level of healing with your new T. Keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.
As for your oldT... she has it all wrong about dependency. Hopefully, she will learn as she gains experience but it's sad you had to be hurt in the meantime.
Hugs
TN
And Brokes, you know my stuff. Ditto what TN says.
I knew you would be ok as I learnt the very hard way that going to an inexperienced and unqualified T for trauma therapy and BPD stuff is a bad move and is not going to end happy. I am glad that you can still talk to your T. It breaks my heart that my youngT won't communicate with me (I have never tried but she made it clear) - I want to tell her good things, things I have learnt, things she helped me with. Your door is open with old T to at least communicate - this will help.
Brokes - anything is possible now. Real healing can happen now. You are in good and safe hands. I love your T already.
And you know what? I didn't think I would say it. I love my T. Woops, tears in my eyes now. It has taken 4 months but I am attached to her, still not 100% trusting, but I do love her and I can't do without her.
You are going to feel like this too Brokes. Just let it happen. I will be with you to help you when you need support.
I knew you would be ok as I learnt the very hard way that going to an inexperienced and unqualified T for trauma therapy and BPD stuff is a bad move and is not going to end happy. I am glad that you can still talk to your T. It breaks my heart that my youngT won't communicate with me (I have never tried but she made it clear) - I want to tell her good things, things I have learnt, things she helped me with. Your door is open with old T to at least communicate - this will help.
Brokes - anything is possible now. Real healing can happen now. You are in good and safe hands. I love your T already.
And you know what? I didn't think I would say it. I love my T. Woops, tears in my eyes now. It has taken 4 months but I am attached to her, still not 100% trusting, but I do love her and I can't do without her.
You are going to feel like this too Brokes. Just let it happen. I will be with you to help you when you need support.
UnBroken, I am sooooo happy you have found a T who CAN work with you, and more than that, is willing to work with you in the way that best works for YOU! This new Ts availability and style sounds so helpful! I'm glad you started over and didn't let T1 keep you from trying again. Good luck on this leg of the journey!
(((Unbroken)))
(((Unbroken)))
(((((UNBROKEN)))))
Best news so far this week!
xoxo
Love,
Liese
P.S. I am so amazed that one professional can view something one way and completely pathologize something and make us feel really bad about ourselves and then another professional can see it a completely different way.
Best news so far this week!
xoxo
Love,
Liese
P.S. I am so amazed that one professional can view something one way and completely pathologize something and make us feel really bad about ourselves and then another professional can see it a completely different way.
((Unbroken))
So happy for you that things are looking promising with this new T!
Loved this. I think having that option for outside contact can be so helpful. When I left my session yesterday, T reminded me not to hesitate to call if I needed her. I think that was more healing for me than anything else we did or said in session that day! ((Unbroken)) Hope things continue to go well for you with newT!
So happy for you that things are looking promising with this new T!
quote:She said that I could email, call, text or whatever I felt like I needed. She even said I could email 5 pages if I wanted to every day.
Loved this. I think having that option for outside contact can be so helpful. When I left my session yesterday, T reminded me not to hesitate to call if I needed her. I think that was more healing for me than anything else we did or said in session that day! ((Unbroken)) Hope things continue to go well for you with newT!