Maybe a silly question puppet, but do you feel that therapy is helping you? What changes have you noticed in yourself or in your life since starting?

((((PUPPET))))

You are in such a tough spot. There might not be a simple or easy answer to this one. It almost sounds like you don't want to leave and you might be willing to risk the relationship with your boyfriend?



Liese

BLT, thats a good question. its a hard one to answer with specifics but i do feel like it helped me - and i cant even say how. i feel like in the last year i have done some things that were really hard and i dont know how i managed that but i dont know if that has anything to do with therapy. in terms of coping i was always pretty functional with some falling apart periods and that hasnt changed - if anything the falling apart part has intensified, but i also seem to be able to bounce back ok. it might be because i'm feeling more now rather then the usual repression. so overall i would say i see improvements but i dont know if i can explain them. all i seem to do in therapy is be very resistant and i am silent a lot and it all evokes a lot of feelings in me but i feel like i then go home and cry and process it all on my own. therapy evokes a lot more in me then it used to but i am still not able to actually do the work with her and talk to her and really let her in - only very brief moments. Still maybe thats an improvement.
thanks BLT it is actually very helpful for me to try to think about my progress rationally as the emotions around this decision tend to overwhelm me.

thanks for the hugs liese, you are right, i seem to be leaning more towards her rather then my partner - not sure if its because i am more secure in my relationship with him at the moment and i am more afraid of losing her...... i think its not very rational, the feelings from my childhood overwhelm me.

this is why i wonder if i will make a good decision... do i let the little me decide? maybe she does deserve for once to have a say too...? i wonder if the attachment is blinding me from knowing what would be best for me - or is it guiding me...???

i see her as 'my wire monkey' and only once in a while a soft cloth monkey its like the little me is so deprived and desperate she will attach to anything... (if you havent heard about the experiments they did on monkeys for attachment theory here is a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...r6kI&feature=related ...really sad by the way, poor little monkeys

thank you for your responses

puppet

Puppet, I think it's important to learn to make decisions with the welfare of our inner children in mind, but that doesn't always mean doing what they want. Just like we might not let real kids eat candy or stay up whenever they want to, sometimes doing the best for our littler parts means going against what they are saying.

I don't know what you should do, but I can give perspective as someone who left a T I had a strong attachment to. It was very painful and difficult to do, but I don't regret it in the end. Even though it feels like you might never have an attachment like that again, over time you could develop an even better relationship with a different T. Especially if you feel you're T isn't giving you exactly what you need, it's worth considering switching. Even though it's hard to contemplate.

I hope you find some clarity with this. It's hard!

thank you BLT, your advice because you went through it too offers me some hope!
not sure if she's not giving me what i need or i'm not letting her give me what i need - or a combination more likely...

puppet