I think I will call you StarHeart. I love your full name though. It's so expressive.
Thank you so much for delurking to come post to my thread. It reallly means so much to me to know that I somehow touched you but I'm sorry I made you cry and sorry you can resonate with my feeling of having the person you used to be, die. I lost so much of myself and the pain involved is something I would not wish on anyone.
I started a new thread with the update on my session today.
I look forward to getting to know you better and in hearing your story when you are ready to share.
Morgs...
Thank you. I did notice that my T's office was pretty crowded today and I could hear the cheering when I stood up for myself. So lovely to have you all with me.
Hugs
TN
TN, I love the name Starheart, so I am also going to use it. 
Starheart,
welcome to the forums! I am so glad that you have decided to post and introduce yourself. I agree with TN that I am sad to hear that you can relate to her grief but am happy that you are finding comfort from reading other people's stories here. I'm looking forward to getting to know your story when you're ready to tell it.
And that was quite a crowd! Morgs, sorry for stepping on your feet so many times!!
AG
Starheart,
welcome to the forums! I am so glad that you have decided to post and introduce yourself. I agree with TN that I am sad to hear that you can relate to her grief but am happy that you are finding comfort from reading other people's stories here. I'm looking forward to getting to know your story when you're ready to tell it. And that was quite a crowd! Morgs, sorry for stepping on your feet so many times!!
AG
Thank you very much TN and AG! I am sorry about the belated reply. I somehow got overwhelmed to the point of not being able to post (I am struggling a lot these days). Sorry. It has to do with my issues though, not anything anyone here said.
I really like the name StarHeart!
. I will add it to my signature. TN, I am glad you like the long version. I thought about shortening it but found that I could not keep the feel if I tried to do so.
TN, thank you for taking the time to reply even as you are dealing with so much yourself. And I would not say that you made me cry. What made me cry was the event that made me lose my sense of self, childhood stuff and the way it created conditions for that event to be so devastating. Your posts only made me connect with that pain in a different way, a way that made me feel a little more normal. Thank you for the sympathy. Part of me worries that I might have exaggerated the magnitude of what I felt by saying that I understood some of what you felt. I guess I can not really know for sure and I know that different parts of me have this urge to either minimise or maximise the impact of anything I experienced. And I did not say this before, but I am really sorry you lost so much of yourself and suffered so much and are still struggling. (((TN))). I will reply in your other thread as well.
AG, I could not help but smile at that emoticon. Thank you very much for the welcome and the support and sympathy. One of the things I am discovering is that when you finally post after following a forum like this for a long time, then you have a lot of people to thank . The "event" that made me lose my sense of self happened in 2000. And after a lot of initial pain (unbearable initial pain), I spent the next ten years in some weird state of semi-numbness, although I did not realise it at that time. I only knew during that time, that there was a lot of pain inside me but that there just seemed to be parts of myself that I could not access or even know where to begin to try to access them. During that time I searched a lot of time for information: trauma and transference used to be words that I often searched for but nothing I read seemed to fit. Early last year (10 years after the event), something happened that finally made me unfreeze and unblock a little, and made me face what had happened. It is around that time when I found MyShrink and discovered the forum. I can not tell you how helpful reading the posts on the forum has been for me. Among them, I am really grateful for your many, many clear explanations about things like attachment, boundaries, how we are when we are children, trauma (it was after reading your post that I allowed myself to use the word trauma for what had happened even if it did not fit the usual definition of trauma) and probably many more things that are slipping my mind right now. Reading those things finally helped me in beginning to make some sense of what had happened and develop some compassion for myself and the little girl that I had been in my childhood. For the first time (and I can tell you that I had tried to read a lot of things before) some theory seemed to apply and make some sense in my world. I guess I could ramble on and on. But I guess that the bottom line is that I am really glad you wrote those posts and that I came across them.
I am stopping here. I am not sure when, but I will try to write a proper introduction post (and thank many more people) at some point later on.
Thanks again for the welcome.
I really like the name StarHeart!
. I will add it to my signature. TN, I am glad you like the long version. I thought about shortening it but found that I could not keep the feel if I tried to do so.TN, thank you for taking the time to reply even as you are dealing with so much yourself. And I would not say that you made me cry. What made me cry was the event that made me lose my sense of self, childhood stuff and the way it created conditions for that event to be so devastating. Your posts only made me connect with that pain in a different way, a way that made me feel a little more normal. Thank you for the sympathy. Part of me worries that I might have exaggerated the magnitude of what I felt by saying that I understood some of what you felt. I guess I can not really know for sure and I know that different parts of me have this urge to either minimise or maximise the impact of anything I experienced. And I did not say this before, but I am really sorry you lost so much of yourself and suffered so much and are still struggling. (((TN))). I will reply in your other thread as well.
AG, I could not help but smile at that emoticon
. Thank you very much for the welcome and the support and sympathy. One of the things I am discovering is that when you finally post after following a forum like this for a long time, then you have a lot of people to thank . The "event" that made me lose my sense of self happened in 2000. And after a lot of initial pain (unbearable initial pain), I spent the next ten years in some weird state of semi-numbness, although I did not realise it at that time. I only knew during that time, that there was a lot of pain inside me but that there just seemed to be parts of myself that I could not access or even know where to begin to try to access them. During that time I searched a lot of time for information: trauma and transference used to be words that I often searched for but nothing I read seemed to fit. Early last year (10 years after the event), something happened that finally made me unfreeze and unblock a little, and made me face what had happened. It is around that time when I found MyShrink and discovered the forum. I can not tell you how helpful reading the posts on the forum has been for me. Among them, I am really grateful for your many, many clear explanations about things like attachment, boundaries, how we are when we are children, trauma (it was after reading your post that I allowed myself to use the word trauma for what had happened even if it did not fit the usual definition of trauma) and probably many more things that are slipping my mind right now. Reading those things finally helped me in beginning to make some sense of what had happened and develop some compassion for myself and the little girl that I had been in my childhood. For the first time (and I can tell you that I had tried to read a lot of things before) some theory seemed to apply and make some sense in my world. I guess I could ramble on and on. But I guess that the bottom line is that I am really glad you wrote those posts and that I came across them. I am stopping here. I am not sure when, but I will try to write a proper introduction post (and thank many more people) at some point later on.
Thanks again for the welcome.