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5 replies

Too afraid to tell my Therapist.

dontgiveuponmedontgiveuponmeMember
I just started seeing a T at my school ...shes the first person I have been completely honest with.

I told her in very very little detail, that my dad used to hit me, but I never told her my mom hit me too...and havent told her my stepfather hurt me too.... I havent even begun to tell her things like...

When I was little my dad would choke and punch me whenever he had the chance, for no reason really.....and if I did do something bad my mother would order him to beat me. When he left she started beating me and calling me names, I didnt tell her what my stepfather did to me....

I didnt tell her what the neighbor did to me..

Why?

Well I still feel like I have to keep the secret, dont tell me *just tell her it will be ok* because ..I dont know if I tell her that my mom still hits me sometimes, shell take my little sister away from the house...even though my mother chose her over me...My sister is the golden child, I was set apart as the *dirty* one...Im not sure why, but my mother loves my sister more than I can explain...

Yet, what if I tell the T what really happened to me, and then she feels like my mother isnt fit to take care of my sister and then takes her away? I cant do that, please dont tell me its for the best, when I know from experience it isnt.

It isnt.

What should I do.
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N ninnaMember
O gosh dear DGUOM...

If you just started seeing your therapist, give her and yourself more time! I can understand you are afraid to tell her, but don't worry, take your time! Your therapy is for you, it is your time, not your mothers or sisters...And it is normal that you can't tell her yet everything that happened...When you will feel safe enough, you will tell...just don't push your therapist away...but know that first of all the trust between you must be established and this can take time. And it is okay...

I am glad, that you have the therapist, your mother, father, stepfather, they are so so horrible wrong, they are totally wrong and all this thing shouldn't happen to you!

And so are we here on this forum and I won't give up on you!

Take care

pinglespinglesMember
Dear DGUOM
Like Ninna says it takes time to talk to a T about things like this, and the time you spend with T should be about you having some safe space in which you and T can get to know each other first before you might want to talk about the things you metion. It was a very brave thing to do to talk to a T at school, that first step in contacting a T is a good thing to do for you - you have done very well to get that far as I know how scary a step that is because I did it myself last year for the first time ever. It will take time and your T should be there to listen to you slowly does it
Take lots of time with T and keep posting here if it helps - everyone here is very helpful and will not judge you
for you
JMB
S scatteredMember
Hi DGUOM
A secret, when shared, loses it's control over you - then you control the secret and not the other way around.
Your T shouldn't do anything without your consent. Can you be brave, and trust her to help you? You don't have to go through any of this on your own. Secrets eat you up! Don't think for one minute that your life is any less worth than your sister's. This will be looking after you and what you need and you need somebody to share your pain with you.
Good luck and I really hope that you will stay in therapy and that in time you will be able to trust your T enough to share. It's really difficult but even just searching for advice here on this forum is a big step, and well done for that!
ButterflyButterflyMember
Hi DGUOM,

I am really sorry for all the pain that you have had to suffer. It can take a long time to trust a T with your deepest pain. Would you be able to perhaps tell her that you have some things that you really need to tell her but you are scared of what the consequences might be and see how she reacts. I know T's are bound by certain ethics but maybe she might be able to ease your worries a little by explaining how she works when certain things are disclosed. It might also give your T a better understanding of why you are holding back when she is trying to push into this stuff.

It sounds like you are dealing with some big burdens which I hope eventually you will feel safe enough sharing so you don't have to deal with them alone.

Hugs
Butterfly

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