some background

http://psychcafe.ca/eve/forums...1936001#129001936001

So, like a moron I keep going to therapy. I hear great nuggets like, "You shouldn't have any more children" (even though we weren't even talking about that) and that I nickname my child pumpkin because "he is like a huge weight that you have to carry around", or that I am going to start drinking again (after 6 years sober)because....well, I don't know why. And of course my bottle feeding my child is related to my drinking, again, which took place 6 years ago.

So I talked to my doctor, the one who prescribes me anti-depressents, the one who referred me to her in the first place, and the one I take my kids to for all their shots, checkups, etc. So I see her quite a lot, and she recommended that I stop going. She said to just call her up, cancel the appointment, and not go again. So I leave a message on the therapist's machine.

Therapist calls back, and I answer. She asked me if I wanted to quit therapy alltogether, and I decided to tell her the truth. I told her yes, that I wanted to quit because I feel we are not on the right track. So she says that she doesn't like to do this over the phone, and I should come in person. So LIKE A DUMBASS I go. With my baby.

I go, and tell her in person that I feel like we are not on the right track. She responds, "You are not on the right track with your life". And that I can come alone. She says, "But I always said you can come alone". So...LIKE A DUMBASS I make an appointment to come alone.

Well I go, and it is just "whatever". I don't feel like I can tell her anything serious anymore. But you know, how do I know if I am right?

So it is the end of our session, and I am assuming we are going to continue seeing each other one-on-one, but then she says, "I want to see you with your baby again". LIKE A DUMBASS I make an appointment, and then I am so convinced that THIS TIME I will mean it. This time I will say good-bye forever.

But I was stressing over this, and decided to talk to my doctor about it. She was surprised that I went back, and said, this time, she would call herself. And NOT TO GO BACK!

So she called, and the psychologist was really surprised that I had the doctor call. She told her about my drinking, and weight loss, and said that I was benifitting from therapy, and that if I didn't go back, I would get a bill. The doctor said it sounded like she had difficulty letting me go.

I am so PISSED about this whole experience. I feel nasty, gross, disgusting. I told this woman some personal things about myself. But we never ever discussed them again. We never talked about origins or reasons for my depression. We just talked about her imaginary theories and I am TIRED OF IT. I feel like either a pet project for her, an experiment for her to "heal" these imaginary sicknesses she has diagnosed me with. It is not what I want, and I don't know why she can't accept it. I mean, she totally tricked me into coming alone, and then sprung that shit on me, that I need to come back with my child. And guess what, I have anxiety and depression. She knows that. Why would she do this to me?????