About,
Been there, done that. I once emailed my T after deleting eight previous versions (managed to tell him that in the ninth). When our early experience of close relationships was not good, reaching out and asking for connection can feel extremely threatening. My T has a very liberal contact policy and does allow me to email (his response time can be erractic so I am careful about when I use email versus the phone) but I honestly always found it to be a good thing that I got in touch. Humans need other humans, and its ok to say I just need contact (I did this yesterday). Sorry though, I do know the dread is absolutely paralyzing at times.

AG

Hi About,

Did you try?

I've done that before... when I could e-mail just a connecting mail.

My current T allows me to phone her... which is very nice. Sometimes I just call and say 'hey just... needed to call'.

It is very vulnerable because it shows you want that connection. It's okay to reach for... when I got comfortable with it I noticed such a better connection with my T.

Let us know how it goes.

I think I did a happy dance when I was able to start texting my T a few years ago. Before that I had to call which was so hard to do or email but since she doesn't have her own email address and shares one with her family that never felt safe. I love being able to text her instead. Safer and more immediate than an email but less anxiety than a phone call. Plus I can just text her "hi" and she knows I just need a little reassurance/connection from her. This technology has been awesome for me!

How did it go About? Just say "hi" if that is all you can manage.

Thank you for your answers!

So I have done it. I knew I was allowed to do it, we had discussed it before I left, and we had decided how and how often, but I still felt it was intruding, so I indeed something as meaningless as just "hi", but she answered, and... so she's still there. (and it feels sooo reassuring. It's stupid, but... great. I am not abandoned/lost, then.)

Thank you for your support.