My old T used to work with somatic experiencing and that is a lot of touch that has defined boundaries.

My T does touch, but asks and is cautious. She has told me what her boundaries are and which philosophies and theories she follows. This leaves really nothing up in the air. I understand being terrified of either... and I understand how hard it is to talk about. My T does touch me if I ask, and will ask if I need touch during times I am very dysregulated and it may be a helpful tool.

My T and I hug after each session and sometimes I ask for a hug at the beginning too - this is to help me calm and be in tune or to imprint T's care.

My T says she does not know what to do when I am very distressed or dissociated as I have indicated previously that I will react badly. She says she sees that I could use a hug, but asks, however when I am in a bad way - i do not have the emotional regulation to know what I need.

Recently I was very distressed and T asked me what I needed from her right now. I said I didn't know. She said would you like me to come closer and to hug you or touch you. I actually don't remember this fully and I certainly don't remember saying very assertively NO WAY and indicating to her that she has to get away from me. All i remember is T moving away from me and it felt like I had been rejected. Which was totally opposite of what T was trying to achieve.

I have told her many times that when I was younger no one comforted me and if I cried I would be punished, so crying and hugging are wrapped up in issues for me. I have also told her that i am scared that if she hugs me when I am upset, I will cry and not be able to stop and I am scared of my reaction.

I am glad I can hug my T. For us it just feels right.I am also better with incidental touch - I used to have a freeze response whenever we accidentally touched each other, it is now improving.
Somedays

Kmay
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time dealing w/ touch. Most I think, take it for granted how often they touch, but for some of us touch is a very sensitive area so I think a T should tread very lightly in this area.
I don't have too much experience in this area. The more I thought about this question I realized I never in 20 some yrs of different T's let one touch me. Only recently did I have touch cross a boundary & that issue was shut down quickly. Thankfully.
The last breakdown I had w/ a T was in December. I was crying in his office, curled into a ball & buried my head. He didn't touch me but just kept saying my name asking me to come back. He did move closer...but I think to keep handing me tissues.
I'm interested in what others have experienced in this area. I haven't really thought about it...maybe bec no one attempted to touch me.
(((Hugs to you)))
Mudds

Thanks Guys,
I appreciate your responses. I am glad that I chose to come back to the Forum. I forgot what the support felt like. So thank you for that.

I have just barely started seeing this T. I was wondering to myself if I should lay down some of my own boundaries to start with, which is why I asked. I loved it when old T comforted me, but then it got to a point where I craved it and it became unhealthy. Of course she "comforted" me in a way that I am sure no other T ever would so that was the biggest part of the problem to start with. I worry though, how I will react now if new T were to ever touch me. I feel like I never want anyone to ever touch me again (in a comforting way.) But at the same time, I think I would feel a huge rejection if she didn't ever touch me.

I don't really even know how she feels in this area yet but I guess I just wanted to stop something before it started if that makes sense? Like maybe just tell her please don't touch me, if ever you feel like I might need some physical comfort, just please don't.

I feel so confused about how the therapy relationship is even supposed to work now b/c of old T situation. Seems so crazy that I have to work through that before I can even start to work on why I ever came to therapy in the first place. What a mess huh?!

Well, today is the first day I have felt halfway normal in over a week. I haven't gone to work in a week. I haven't really left my bed or my house since yesterday. Today I have a function at my Church and I am hoping to enjoy it. Thanks again friends.

((((KMAY))))

I'm glad you came back too. Touch is all so complicated but I hope you enjoy the function at your church. What ever happened to that older T you started to see but was flaky?

Lieder, Monte, Poppet,
Thank you! I appreciate all your responses.

Liese,
I have been meaning to update my story from where I left off. I haven't had the energy. But I will.

(((poppet))),
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words.