Hi lilcz... your post was not too long at all.

I'm sorry for your pain and I know exactly how you feel and what you went through. My T terminated me in a harsh and abrupt way with no explanation except it would be "in your best interest" to find another T. Just like that I was gone. As I sat outside in my car crying he came out after me (when 20 minutes had passed with me still there crying) and demanded to know what the problem was and then when I would not give him my dh's phone number he called the cops on me and the took me to the ER. I was NOT suicidal I was deeply hurt, grieving and traumatized. I already have complex PTSD and he just piled on another trauma for me to deal with. The ER released me as there was no reason for me to stay there I was fine just scared. My T sent me an email the next day and officially terminated me and my son from therapy. I was abandoned on a Friday night with no one to turn to and help me with the trauma. He refused to take my calls or answer my emails. I didn't see him for 7 weeks when he agreed to meet with me and my new T (I had to go find one) and then he would not be alone with me and barely spoke to me. This is after a deep 2.5 year therapeutic relationship of 2x per week. I never threatened him nor spoke a harsh word, never cursed or was uncooperative just that I didn't want to go to another T. I treated him with kindness and respect and I was abandoned. I know the horrible grief and fear and awful frustration this leaves you with. You lose your voice and feel so powerless.

I left the T who met with us and she was useless and now have another T with good experience in dealing with people harmed by therapy. He actually told me in straight English that my T was lucky he did not kill me that night. I could have easily slipped into suicide considering how things were so inhumanely handled. I have had to fight the strong urges to just show up at his office and demand to be seen and spoken to. Banishment is way worse than death.

This happened to me this past summer and I am having a really difficult time establishing any kind of relationship with another T because of the damage done to me. T abuse is the worst form of abuse because we trust them so much.

I don't have much advice for you as I'm still very much struggling myself. It has been a long time for you and I fear that this will happen to me if I cannot find some kind of closure or peace with the situation. NewT is working on this now for me to arrange a meeting. It may or may not happen but I have to try.

Had you ever considered reporting your T to the licensing board?

Welcome to the board. I hope at some point you will share more of your story and your journey with us.

TN

Hi, Thank's so much for your reply. I can't believe this happen's to people so often! I forgot to add that I am diagnosed with major depression and am on 6 different psych med's.
I too feel the need for closure but I am being told not to persue this as my old t will prosecute me. I am told not to have any contact with her or her family. I tried so many time's to get her attention, and all it got me was trouble. I did report her to the licensing board for abandonment and lost my case. I also reported her to the board of ethic's and lost that as well. That was real frustrating.
She also terminated my son from his therapy. She did NOT suggest or give me any other therapist name or number for me to turn to. A couple of day's later she did send me a letter officially terminating me but still with no explanation other than it was due to the transference. After all of that I got busy trying to find out all I can about transference. At the time I did not know what it was all about. I got on the internet and found so much about it. I found out that it can be a GOOD thing to have in therapy. I sent some of these article's to my old t with no reply from her. I have since moved and lost all the information I had gathered.
I hope you don't go down the same path I did and don't get yourself in trouble by contacting your old t. What you can do legally is request to view your record's. Maybe you can get some question's answered in that way. I did that and I think she took all of her note's out before I was given the chart. I cannot be sure. So, be sure you are getting ALL of your record's.
I hope that you can get through this terrible time. I too have trouble with trusting anyone anymore. I will post more when I have more to say.
lilcz

lilcz... I'm sorry you have suffered so much over this. They are allowed to remove their own session notes from your file if they so chose with one exception that I'm aware of.

I am pursuing closure through another therapist and he is making contact and not me. My old T has been in contact with me and has emailed me and written me a nice letter. I have not been aggressive in any way towards him or his family so he has no reason to make trouble for me. Aside from this he has offered a termination session for my son and I will be setting up that appointment soon... when my new T thinks I will be in a good enough place to deal with that and not be re-traumatized.

My newT has encouraged me to go to the licensing board with this case but I'd like to first see if it can be worked out in a peaceful and friendly way. I don't want to harm my oldT just to get some answers and some closure. I think he is also suffering to some extent because of the deep relationship we had. What happened with your cases? Why did they reject your case? Did they ever give a reason as to why you lost?

I wish you well and I hope that at some point you will find your own peace with this. It's really hard though and some days are worse than others for me. This board has been an invaluable support system and I am truly grateful to have a safe place to come and talk about how I'm doing.

TN

Hi TN
How are you doing? Have you had a meeting with your old t yet? I would be so nervous! I sure hope you can get some closure.

After I wrote to the licensing board it took month's to get a reply. Their response was that they were not going to take any action at this time. That was the only explanation I got.
I think it was a nice way of saying I lost.

I have come a long way mentally since all that happened. Like you, I have good day's and bad day's. I was not able to funtion on a daily basis back then. I lost alot of friend's due to my depression. That really hurt's the most.
I had a good t for 5 year's until she retired. I now have a very good t that I have been seeing for 5 year's. Both these t's were worried that I would develop an attachment to them. I have not had that happen. One of the t's used to give me hug's when I needed them. And they had all kind's of family pictures around the office. I liked that. It made them seem more human. The t that abandoned me had a very sterile, cold office with no picture's.
Yet, I grew very attached to her. I trusted her and revealed everything about myself. I thought we had a good working relationship. Then the transference happened. I have gained some insight now as to why that happened, with her. Something that happened to me when I was a little child. This t looked alot like my mother. My mother abandoned me in some way.

Any way, I hope you are well and coping with your issue's. This is a great place to vent!

lilcz

Gosh lil - welcome here and thank you for posting. I feel what you went through when you lost your original t, could so easily have been me. When it hurts so much, and it does, it is true heart break - then there is a part of us that would of course do ANYTHING to stop it hurting so much and I did at one point wonder if I would end up stalking my T just for the most hurt part of me to SEE her.
fortunately for me, I never did as there are parts of me pretty strong and I am treating me with the love and tenderness that I got from her before she ended with me.
So I gained insight into why people do the things that you did that got you in so much trouble, I am sorry there was no one there to support you through it and lead you gently away from the actions that actually made things worse for you. ((((Lil)))))

I am reading a lot about attachment now, to deal with my own pain and loss. I got some stuff from Canada this week, some CD's and a booklet by a woman called April Steele and also Robert Burney
http://joy2meu.com/joy_23.htm
basically I am doing a lot of self therapy whilst looking for another T. ( I only had my final ending session yesterday but she sent me my termination email out of the blue Oct 1st so I hurt a lot during October and am easing up a bit now.
I know that I have HUGE mother issues, as I was badly burnt as a six month old baby and had a mother who was unloved herself as a child and was pretty much a two year old emotionally all her life. So I need that mending. I am hoping to go through transference again (well 'hope ' feels the wrong word - it is hell) so that I can work through these issues. I have my first session with a new T - a woman next Monday. Wish me luck!
I am so sorry that you have been deeply hurt.
I also am reading "why love matters' about the early wounding of babies and children and how fortunately we CAN re wire our brains as adults.

good luck and keep posting, you have been to the more extreme ends of the pain of attachment leading to loss, TN and I have experienced it too, there are people here who have suffered similar but of course not the same. We hold you warmly in our hearts.

Hey! Thank's for the hug, I really needed that!
It sound's like you have major mother issue's too. You also seem to have great insight into your illness. How many year's have you been in counseling? Do you prefer a male or female therapist? I prefer a female, (I am a female.)
I had been in therapy for 10 year's, going once a week. I only recently have been going once every 2 week's. Not too sure that I like that or not.

I am surprised to hear that a t would e-mail a client. Both t's I had would never think to do something like that. I think both of them were computer illiterate. I am going to try and get my present t to get onto this website. It would be nice to have a t's point of view here.

Anyway, thank's for the link's. I read your blog. I hope you find a new t soon.
Sorry, I don't seem to have any more to say for now. My concentration is really bad due to the depression. It is hard for me to get the word's out.

Take care!
lilcz

Wow, I totally thought I was the only one dealing with a T or shall I say DR. who was so hurtful and abusive. My T sent me a termination letter in the mail, she wont give me my files after I signed a release, she said I have DID and I asked her why she would blurt that out like that and why she made that assistment...no answer...she left me confused, embaressed, sick, sad and depressed..so depressed that I can't run my Bistro. I asked her if my friend can pick up my file..she said quote "you will be dissapointed because it does not say much only what I think of you" Yikes...So, I just called her again and asked to meet her for her to read me my file...no answer, so I'm getting an attorney and I'm sueing for malpractice for emotional distress and abandondment. At first i kept feeling I dont want to hurt her...now I look at the emotional distress she has put me through for a long time with not even a bat of the eye.."She does not care" she would rather see me dead...nope...she hurt me and I will stand up and fight...I have a voice and I'm using it...!!!!