ghost girl, this one scares me too! Her comment about transference being an 'ugly ugly thing' has left you feeling like YOUR feelings are ugly. They are not - they are really normal, legitimate feelings to have in therapy and they are an important and valuable part of your emotional world.

Can you talk to her about this statement and find out exactly what she meant? You deserve an environment where it's okay and safe to have the feelings you feel.

I have been living in transference hell with no assistance from the object of my transference who happens to be my therapist. On an emotional level this relationship or therapuetic experience seems as toxic as my relationship with my mother. My therapist does ignore my feelings. She tries so hard to keep me in my head instead of promoting and fostering a safe place to feel. It is so messed up. My head has been a mess about this stuff. And yes I do feel like my feelings are ugly, I feel like I am the ugliest my devalued human being in her eyes. I feel like a worthless piece of crap not deserving of anything. But I keep going back for more... isn't that INSANITY! Repeating the same behaviors expecting different results. Man, I am messed up! I will get it figured out one of these days....

How long have you been with her, GG? Ever thought about having a consultation with another therapist? A number of people here have found their way out of toxic therapy relationships through consultations, either by getting new insight into the primary therapy or by getting the support to make changes, including leaving.

The truth is that therapy can be an intoxicatingly powerful experience, and when stuff's going wrong it can be hard to withstand it or know what to do on your own.

Jones,
I have been with her for 3 years. I have an appt on tuesday with a male psychologist for a consultation. In my ideal world these transference issues would be worked through with her, but she is actually the one who suggested that I "talk with someone else regarding my transference issues". Even though her inability and unwillingness to work it through with me may stem from her lack of skill or just from the fact that she does not care, it feels like rejection. And that really hurts, but hurt heals. I am cutting back on sessions with her. I usually see her once a week, but it is giving me no emotional recovery time between sessions and I need time to process and recover emotionally. Hopefully I will be able to unattach myself and move forward.

I'm sorry she's not helped you at all with this. Good move to get another viewpoint on the situation. It sounds to me like she's kind of irresponsible, but I know that after three years it all gets pretty nuanced and complicated. Let us know how you go with the psych on Tuesday - I hope he helps.

I will let you all know and I thank you all for listening and responding and talking this through with me. I have been struggling alone for long and it feels so good to be heard and feel valued. I have been longing for that and I found it here.

You're welcome here, GG. I don't write here very often but I pop in now and then. Lots of lovely folks here to travel with.

I am glad you are here Jones. I am actually experiencing guilt for using the site so much because I have gotten the message not to rely on or talk to anyone because my thoughts don't matter. I am glad that my thoughts and feelings matter here.