It takes a lot to learn how to be a good "parent". It's, I think, learning how to work with those life/death feelings, have compassion, listen to ourselves and our needs, partner with those inner parts to heal shame and self-hatred. It also encourages accountability between "parts" depending on the nature of the barrier between parts. We can't learn to nurture our inner child without nurturing ourselves... Which is what T helps with (attunement, attentiveness, compassion, etc) and partnering with you. We can't be without responsibility in our healing and at the same Time our Ts can meet us in profound ways.

Do you take any responsibility with your child part, monte? I think anything we do to soothe those parts (transitional objects and utilizing those for example, calling ouR Ts, or even being willing to have them reach out, get ourselves to a session) is all part of "parenting". Even a baby cries, makes hand motions, swallows when fed, sucks its thumb.. It still needs a LOT to develop and another person to survive and THRIVE (grow, evolve, gain skills and abilities) but it doesn't just sit there waiting for someone to do all the work. I think it is okay to develop beyond the need to be saved... And that has to mean responsibility somewhere... Eventually??

I think hearing "you can parent your own inner child" can be very painful to hear because it is usually the child who hears it. Then the child just understands "I have to go on taking care of myself just as I always have." In order to take care of the child it's necessary that you find an "adult" inside to do that caring, and it also means that all the judging and shaming parts that hate the inner child and it's needs have to get out of the way. So I think that's one way T's can help a lot, to model how to be a nurturing adult and help with getting past the shame and self-judgment. My T has done a lot of caring for my "child" but I think it's true that we need to learn to do that for ourselves to some extent, eventually, because a T can't be there 24/7.

I really appreciate all of your comments. Cat you have in-depth ideas, and Monte, you do too, and I see what you're trying to explain, believe me. I have this inner kid stuff very seriously and I hope, not sure, my T can handle it. There's been so much rejection in my early life that discussing this with T feels magically life threatening. You're so right BLT about the advice to be my own good parent. Yes, it's the child that hears it and sounds like we're being sent away! Yek!