Talk. I talk about it with T a LOT. Right now we're working through some really deep and miserable adolescent stuff that has left me longing for a different childhood with T as parent.

For me at least, talking about this separates the transference from the therapist. The moments of longing are now short lived, and are quickly replaced with admiration and appreciation for T and how amazingly T handles me and my stuff. I feel heard, validated, cared for, and loved, even moreso after those painfully hard sessions.

We've talked it so much that I understand T could not be my amazing T AND be my parent at the same time. It has taken a good two years to land at this realization, because yes, it used to feel excruciatingly painful, the loss, knowing T couldn't fill it even though so frequently T fit perfectly into the gaping hole left by my chaotic past.

So. My suggestion? Talk about it with T. Even if it seems that you are talking it to death for weeks and weeks.

Thank you Room2Grow

This is extremely painful work. Thank you for the encouragement and sharing your experience with me I appreciate it.

T.

Yea, sort of like what R2G said... differentiation through a lot of talk work. I've not wanted my Ts in particular as parents but I desperately wish I had the same consistency/love growing up. One of my Ts once told me straight up she was not a good Mom to her kids (not those words, but not a "good enough" parent, not in the self-esteem way but in the... I had my own stuff and screwed them up way) Mom - she's was a really ineffective T too so... I get it.

It can be so so so hard to have such deep emotional wishes never satisfied.

Yes it can be Catalyst. I don't know how to go through life knowing they can never be satisfied. So very hard. I wish another script had been written for me.

you're in good company (((TAS)))

Thank you Closed Doors. So. Very. Hard.