How do therapists help support or deal with a person thats got these types of transference.
What do therapists do when someone shows maternal transference?
It could become such a bind if they showed support of these types of transference and if they didnt it could become rejection.
quote:My T is the first person to whom I've shared my childhood secret. She calls this my "authenic self". And it feels so good to share my inner world with someone who seems to accept me. I've taken pictures to therapy too...and cried. So, when I connect with my younger "person", I let her know I love her and if she wants to be a boy, that's fine with me.
Questing,
Whoa...hello is that me in there??
I just recently shared this with my T and I too feel so good for having done that and to feel completely accepted by her despite my own shame and humiliation I experienced from it. I used to drive my mother crazy with my obsession with wanting to be a boy. My older siblings used to tease me and tell me that I was crazy. My oldest sister insists she used to think it was cute and funny, but I was very sensitive about being made fun of about it and learned it was a bad thing to want, so I felt very ashamed of myself and it became a secret life instead. But I wanted it soooo badly. When I was very little I used to ask my mom what she would've named me if I was a boy and she'd get irritated and tell me to "stop talking like that!" So I came up with male names of my own.
quote:I still feel stupid though, almost like I'm afraid someone is going to find out that I am being nice to her and reprimand me for it. <--- Lil bit of shame there still! And I don't see her yet. It's more of a feeling and a voice for me, like someone saying, "hey, what about me?"
CT, I hope you give her a voice!
Don't be like the other adults in her life. You are still hearing the lies they used to tell you; that you don't deserve to be heard, and that you don't deserved to be loved for the way that you are. Those are all venomnous lies that you can overcome and throw in the garbage where they belong! Look at some pictures and try to get in touch with her however you can. She has much to say and much to teach you I am sure. Perhaps we could all get in touch with our tomboy little/girl "wish we were little boy" selves and meet Russ atop a giant maple tree somewhere.
PL, How MUCH older?
I somehow doubt that you are though. 
Emerald,
That's why transference can be so difficult and why it can be difficult finding a therapist who can really deal with it. I've actually told my T that he needs to write a book on how to handle transference. He's incredible and I think a lot of Ts would benefit from his wisdom and experience. Of course, he's told me that he would not have handled a lot of situations as well earlier in his career. I owe a debt of gratitude to his earlier patients.
The T has to walk a fine line between completely accepting, understanding and validating the client's feelings, so that they feel heard and understood and that all that they are and feel is acceptable. And for that the T has to be emotionally accessible. If that doesn't happen, you run the risk you mentioned of the client feeling rejected and the theraputic alliance is then ruptured.
On the other hand, the T has to avoid in any way gratifying the feelings or making the client think that those feelings can be acted upon. Therapy is the place where you can examine all that you're feeling but you need to go outside of the theraputic relationship to fulfill those needs that you can and use the theraputic relationship to grieve the needs that can no longer be met. If a T doesn't carefully guard those boundaries, it can slip over into a reenactment with the T filling the role of someone from the client's past. This leads to only repeating and reinforcing the very patterns that you're trying to break. There is a certain necessary frustration in therapy. But having somewhere where you can be totally heard and understood but that also makes obvious that some needs can't be met, you face your pain so you can let go of the hope of having them met which is often causing you a lot of pain in your present relationships.
An example from my experience. I spent a very long time wanting to ask for a hug from my therapist. There are times where things could feel so overwhelming and scary that I really just wanted to be held so I could feel safe. This was a very complicated issue for me because my memories are that I would seek out this kind of contact with my father. I would want to be held and feel safe but it would invariably end up as me being abused. I even struggled with feeling like the abuse was my fault because I sought out the hugs and so tempted my father. And let's throw into the mix that I sometimes experience a strong erotic attraction to my T and I'm no longer a little girl, I'm a grown woman.
I finally got up the courage to ask my T. ( I waited until I knew I could hear a no if I needed to). I asked at the beginning of a session because the last thing I wanted was to walk out after hearing no and not see him for another week. He immediately and very gently told me no. Then he told me that he wanted to talk about why I wanted a hug and how I felt and then he wanted a chance to explain why he said no.
He was able to hear why I wanted to be held and really affirmed how I was feeling, why it made sense I was feeling that way and that I had had every right to be able to ask for a hug as a child. Actually he told me I shouldn't have had to even ask, it should have been given to me freely.
Turned out he has an across the board rule of no hugs for clients. That balancing what little good a hug would do against the potential harm made it not a good risk. That if he gratified my need for a hug, it would allow me to avoid facing the pain of not getting that hug from my father and that in order to heal I needed to feel that pain and grieve the loss.
So he couldn't give me that hug I didn't get from my dad BUT, and this is a big but, he could provide a safe place for me to feel that pain and grieve the loss with someone there to understand and soothe me and help me make sense of it.
In the end, it was one of the most loving "nos" I ever heard. Hope that helps.
AG
That's why transference can be so difficult and why it can be difficult finding a therapist who can really deal with it. I've actually told my T that he needs to write a book on how to handle transference. He's incredible and I think a lot of Ts would benefit from his wisdom and experience. Of course, he's told me that he would not have handled a lot of situations as well earlier in his career. I owe a debt of gratitude to his earlier patients.
The T has to walk a fine line between completely accepting, understanding and validating the client's feelings, so that they feel heard and understood and that all that they are and feel is acceptable. And for that the T has to be emotionally accessible. If that doesn't happen, you run the risk you mentioned of the client feeling rejected and the theraputic alliance is then ruptured.
On the other hand, the T has to avoid in any way gratifying the feelings or making the client think that those feelings can be acted upon. Therapy is the place where you can examine all that you're feeling but you need to go outside of the theraputic relationship to fulfill those needs that you can and use the theraputic relationship to grieve the needs that can no longer be met. If a T doesn't carefully guard those boundaries, it can slip over into a reenactment with the T filling the role of someone from the client's past. This leads to only repeating and reinforcing the very patterns that you're trying to break. There is a certain necessary frustration in therapy. But having somewhere where you can be totally heard and understood but that also makes obvious that some needs can't be met, you face your pain so you can let go of the hope of having them met which is often causing you a lot of pain in your present relationships.
An example from my experience. I spent a very long time wanting to ask for a hug from my therapist. There are times where things could feel so overwhelming and scary that I really just wanted to be held so I could feel safe. This was a very complicated issue for me because my memories are that I would seek out this kind of contact with my father. I would want to be held and feel safe but it would invariably end up as me being abused. I even struggled with feeling like the abuse was my fault because I sought out the hugs and so tempted my father. And let's throw into the mix that I sometimes experience a strong erotic attraction to my T and I'm no longer a little girl, I'm a grown woman.
I finally got up the courage to ask my T. ( I waited until I knew I could hear a no if I needed to). I asked at the beginning of a session because the last thing I wanted was to walk out after hearing no and not see him for another week. He immediately and very gently told me no. Then he told me that he wanted to talk about why I wanted a hug and how I felt and then he wanted a chance to explain why he said no.
He was able to hear why I wanted to be held and really affirmed how I was feeling, why it made sense I was feeling that way and that I had had every right to be able to ask for a hug as a child. Actually he told me I shouldn't have had to even ask, it should have been given to me freely.
Turned out he has an across the board rule of no hugs for clients. That balancing what little good a hug would do against the potential harm made it not a good risk. That if he gratified my need for a hug, it would allow me to avoid facing the pain of not getting that hug from my father and that in order to heal I needed to feel that pain and grieve the loss.
So he couldn't give me that hug I didn't get from my dad BUT, and this is a big but, he could provide a safe place for me to feel that pain and grieve the loss with someone there to understand and soothe me and help me make sense of it.
In the end, it was one of the most loving "nos" I ever heard. Hope that helps.
AG
quote:I spent a very long time wanting to ask for a hug from my therapist. There are times where things could feel so overwhelming and scary that I really just wanted to be held so I could feel safe.
AG
I swear I'm going there today in my session.
After two years of wanting it from her, I just need to know her answer so I can stop wishing for it. I am prepared for a no. In fact I'm expecting it, but I think it is a discussion I need to have with her and I'm tired of dwelling on it. OMG I think I will have a panic attack just before my session!PL
Breathe PL, and remember you have all the virtual hugs you could ever want here.
(((((((((((((((((PL)))))))))))))))))))))
Though I secretly hope you get a hug from your T. I know you will at least get a reasurring answer. If she has a "no hug policy" it is vital that you reach an understanding that this is not a personal rejection and work on that as long as you need to.
But you never know until you ask. Even after my T hugged me when she came to see me in the hospital, I still had no clue for the longest time what her hug policy was in session. I thought the hospital was an exception. *shrugs*
(((((((((((((((((PL)))))))))))))))))))))
Though I secretly hope you get a hug from your T.
I know you will at least get a reasurring answer. If she has a "no hug policy" it is vital that you reach an understanding that this is not a personal rejection and work on that as long as you need to.But you never know until you ask. Even after my T hugged me when she came to see me in the hospital, I still had no clue for the longest time what her hug policy was in session. I thought the hospital was an exception. *shrugs*
PL,
Take JMs advice and breathe! Just so you know my first T was a woman and hugged me anytime I asked for one. At our last session when she retired, we hugged each other and both said "I love you." Different Ts have different boundaries.
On the upside, even getting a no felt better than wondering. Actually it's turned out that that "no" has had profound positive effects on both my therapy and my healing. You're going to do great! And either way, you'll be closer to your T. I'll be pulling for you!
AG
Take JMs advice and breathe! Just so you know my first T was a woman and hugged me anytime I asked for one. At our last session when she retired, we hugged each other and both said "I love you." Different Ts have different boundaries.
On the upside, even getting a no felt better than wondering. Actually it's turned out that that "no" has had profound positive effects on both my therapy and my healing. You're going to do great! And either way, you'll be closer to your T. I'll be pulling for you!
AG
quote:If she has a "no hug policy" it is vital that you reach an understanding that this is not a personal rejection and work on that as long as you need to.
Thanks JM and AG
I really have thought this out - for 2 yrs.!!!!
And I've played it in my mind at least a million times. I'm planning on asking about her "general policy." I need to protect myself and she knows I take everything personally!Oh and JM -- centuries!!!!!! I'm as old as the hills!
OK, that may be an exaggeration, but I feel that way sometimes. My daughter is always complaining about how she doesn't look 21 (and she is the spitting image of me). I tell her she will be so glad when she is 150 like me! Thanks for the good luck -- and I am breathing!!!!! I think.
PL
quote:I'll be pulling for you!
We're all in this together.
...sorry I couldn't resist. Centuries huh PL? Well I'm only 143 so you got me there. And my "23" year old daughter also looks just like me. Poor kid. Only she carries it better.
I'm not admitting to a day over 125! (Which is a really good trick since I'm pretty sure I'm older than JM too PL!)
Please let us know how it goes!!
Please let us know how it goes!!
LOL...Yeah isn't your drivers license carved in stone AG? *snort*
*ducks HTML Slapper*
*snort**ducks HTML Slapper*
JM, like we had stone when I was a kid! Dirt yes, stones, no.
**Puts down HTML slapper with innocent expression plastered across face**
**Puts down HTML slapper with innocent expression plastered across face**
Oh please - Moses was my brother!!!!!!
You guys are too funny! I need a little lightness right now before I enter the room of doom!!!!
I'll let ya know how it goes and if I leave there with my tail tucked between my legs and whimpering!
PL
You guys are too funny! I need a little lightness right now before I enter the room of doom!!!!
I'll let ya know how it goes and if I leave there with my tail tucked between my legs and whimpering!
PL
My old T who is highly respected in the realms of psychotherapy made me feel very special too. She gave me what I was looking for or so I thought. Just be ware that these relationships end. They are not meant to go on forever. The more special you feel the harder it is when they end. I am experiencing that agony now. It is hard to believe she even cared given that she says she can not in any way communicate with me anymore.
She didn't charge me for sessions. She saw me for about 16 years. She was loving and supportive and giving and we would talk about all kinds of things and she even toward the end started to confide in me about her life and her trials etc. This lead me to believe that our relationship would continue beyond therapy. When she quit with me she also told me she had a tumor in her brain. Then she told me that it wasn't dangerous and that it would not kill her. I asked her how I would know if she was okay say in a year from now and her response was "In a year from now what will it matter?"
I am still in writhing pain over this termination and it happened last spring. I still cry every single day several times a day over it.
I only say this so that people can try to keep in perspective that these relationships are limitted and that they do end.
I am sorry to even say that as I would not have wanted to hear that prior to my old T leaving.
She didn't charge me for sessions. She saw me for about 16 years. She was loving and supportive and giving and we would talk about all kinds of things and she even toward the end started to confide in me about her life and her trials etc. This lead me to believe that our relationship would continue beyond therapy. When she quit with me she also told me she had a tumor in her brain. Then she told me that it wasn't dangerous and that it would not kill her. I asked her how I would know if she was okay say in a year from now and her response was "In a year from now what will it matter?"
I am still in writhing pain over this termination and it happened last spring. I still cry every single day several times a day over it.
I only say this so that people can try to keep in perspective that these relationships are limitted and that they do end.
I am sorry to even say that as I would not have wanted to hear that prior to my old T leaving.
Geez guys, I didn't know I needed to be ancient in order to fit in here...
LOL! I kid, I kid.
You don't mind sharing all this stuff with someone younger than your kids, do ya? Hope not, I'm liking it here!
LOL! I kid, I kid.
You don't mind sharing all this stuff with someone younger than your kids, do ya? Hope not, I'm liking it here!
GEEEZZZ....you guys...
All y'all know I am the oldest one here. And probably the most immature! hmmm...(at least a few parts of me are) But just think...it beats the alternative!!!
You either get older...or you don't. hmmmm?
Here's a riddle for you...
What falls but does not break? What breaks but does not fall?
SD
All y'all know I am the oldest one here. And probably the most immature! hmmm...(at least a few parts of me are) But just think...it beats the alternative!!!
You either get older...or you don't. hmmmm?
Here's a riddle for you...
What falls but does not break? What breaks but does not fall?
SD
quote:Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
Geez guys, I didn't know I needed to be ancient in order to fit in here...
LOL! I kid, I kid.
You don't mind sharing all this stuff with someone younger than your kids, do ya? Hope not, I'm liking it here!
Hey CT...
and Of course you're welcome here... despite the fact that you are younger than my daughter. And the kidding around stuff can stay too.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG................
I did it!!! It was hard, but I did it!
When I went in, she said, "you look anxious." Hmmmm.... ya think? So I said that I wanted to ask her a question that I have been wanting to ask for over a year. Well that sure perked up her ears. I started to squirm, an stutter, and lots of um's... and aaa's....... and then it all just came flying out! So this is how I said it, "I just was wondering, because we haven't talked about it, what your general policy is on boundaries. Like hugs, handshakes, pats on the back or even kicks in the butt." (I had to add a little humor in there. Take the pressure off some) Well, she thought for a minute. Then she (in therapy talk) basically said that she doesn't have a policy. Ok, what does that mean? She says that it depends on what the client needs. Sometimes it is better to verbalize your needs and sometimes someone just needs comfort. Ahhhhgggggg she didn't say no!
We did spend A LOT of time talking about the whole thing and what brought it up yada, yada, yada. Blah, blah blah........
Went we stood up to leave I thought, well this is my chance, but I didn't want to seem too greedy, too needy. So, I stuck out my hand. OMG she took it and held it!!!!!!! For a moment longer than she had to. She looked deeply into my eyes. I said thank you. What a feeling!!! Best medicine for depression than I have had in a looooong time.
Ok, so maybe I'm not 150. Maybe I'm only 99, but right now I feel like, like, well, maybe not a day over.... Ok, so I'm still old, but I don't feel it right now. I actually got up the nerve to ASK for comfort and it was positive! No rejection. No look of disgust etc. And to think I put this off for so long. Actually, I think if I had asked for this earlier it wouldn't have had the effect it has today.
Thanks for all the support guys. I sorta felt like I had to do it because I opened my big mouth on this forum.
Ok, life is good today. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Oh, and I wonder if I'll wash my hand tonight????
PL
I did it!!!
It was hard, but I did it!When I went in, she said, "you look anxious." Hmmmm.... ya think? So I said that I wanted to ask her a question that I have been wanting to ask for over a year. Well that sure perked up her ears.
I started to squirm, an stutter, and lots of um's... and aaa's....... and then it all just came flying out! So this is how I said it, "I just was wondering, because we haven't talked about it, what your general policy is on boundaries. Like hugs, handshakes, pats on the back or even kicks in the butt." (I had to add a little humor in there. Take the pressure off some) Well, she thought for a minute. Then she (in therapy talk) basically said that she doesn't have a policy. Ok, what does that mean? She says that it depends on what the client needs. Sometimes it is better to verbalize your needs and sometimes someone just needs comfort. Ahhhhgggggg she didn't say no! We did spend A LOT of time talking about the whole thing and what brought it up yada, yada, yada. Blah, blah blah........
Went we stood up to leave I thought, well this is my chance, but I didn't want to seem too greedy, too needy. So, I stuck out my hand. OMG she took it and held it!!!!!!!
For a moment longer than she had to. She looked deeply into my eyes. I said thank you. What a feeling!!! Best medicine for depression than I have had in a looooong time.Ok, so maybe I'm not 150. Maybe I'm only 99, but right now I feel like, like, well, maybe not a day over.... Ok, so I'm still old, but I don't feel it right now. I actually got up the nerve to ASK for comfort and it was positive! No rejection. No look of disgust etc. And to think I put this off for so long. Actually, I think if I had asked for this earlier it wouldn't have had the effect it has today.
Thanks for all the support guys. I sorta felt like I had to do it because I opened my big mouth on this forum.
Ok, life is good today. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Oh, and I wonder if I'll wash my hand tonight????
PL
Oh PL I am soooo happy for you. You made physical contact with your T and you showed great courage in bringing up the topic and discussing it with her. Two WOW things in one session.
And I remember the feeling I had when I offered my hand to my T. I was tingly for the rest of the day and could feel the warmth of his hand in mine for a long time and how he looked at me and smiled. It was wonderful and I floated out of his office.
I am so happy to hear your good news and yes, it's better than the best medicine. And more importantly you asked for something you needed and you got it...comfort and acceptance. Your T sounds like a wonderful person.
TN
And I remember the feeling I had when I offered my hand to my T. I was tingly for the rest of the day and could feel the warmth of his hand in mine for a long time and how he looked at me and smiled. It was wonderful and I floated out of his office.
I am so happy to hear your good news and yes, it's better than the best medicine. And more importantly you asked for something you needed and you got it...comfort and acceptance. Your T sounds like a wonderful person.
TN
Yay PL! I'm so happy for you! And I'm proud of you too! It took a lot of guts to ask and you did, and it went well! Yay!
And, like TN said, Your T sounds like a wonderful person.
OW
And, like TN said, Your T sounds like a wonderful person.
OW
quote:It was wonderful and I floated out of his office.
Thanks TN
Yes I am still floating on air. It has kind of calmed down the transference thing too. I mean, now I know that I can ask and she may want to talk about it first, but it is not "off limits." I really think I broke through a huge amount of fear today. I have trusted her completely for a very long time, but the embarrassment, fear, terror etc. has kept me from saying some things to her. She also reminded me today that she is not going anywhere. I told her I need to keep hearing that. We really did go pretty deep today and I think it was good.
Yeah, she is awesome!
PL
HB
Thanks! Early morning for you, evening for me - I'm gonna go to bed with a grin on my face.
I know the support, advice and tremendous amount of strength you guys all give me, helped. I did tell my T that I have a bunch of cyber friends that I talk to every day, and that we talk about these things. I think it kind of amused her at first, but now I think she sees the benefit of it. You have helped me to get past some of the most terrifying things that I am afraid to say. All of you guys ROCK!
PL
Thanks! Early morning for you, evening for me - I'm gonna go to bed with a grin on my face.
I know the support, advice and tremendous amount of strength you guys all give me, helped. I did tell my T that I have a bunch of cyber friends that I talk to every day, and that we talk about these things. I think it kind of amused her at first, but now I think she sees the benefit of it. You have helped me to get past some of the most terrifying things that I am afraid to say. All of you guys ROCK!
PL
That's GREAT PL!!!
I can't tell you have relieved I am...reading your post. I am sooooo glad that it went the way it did for you. Remember it...always.
((((PL))))
here's a puppy for you....
I can't tell you have relieved I am...reading your post. I am sooooo glad that it went the way it did for you. Remember it...always.
((((PL))))
here's a puppy for you....
SD
Thanks so much. I will remember this and it will be a warm feeling in my heart for a very long time.
Thanks for the darling puppy. He makes me melt. Just wish I could take him out out that cage.
PL
Thanks so much. I will remember this and it will be a warm feeling in my heart for a very long time.
Thanks for the darling puppy. He makes me melt. Just wish I could take him out out that cage.
PL
Oh PL!!!!!!
I have the biggest smile on my heart and a joyful tear in my eye for you right now. From the way you have described your T I knew that she would be so warm and caring. What a heartwarming experience. Thank you for sharing. You probably woke up with that smile on your face too didn't you? I know you did. I am sure your T had a smile the rest of the day too.
I get to see "my T mommy" today. I swear I am turning into the biggest baby. That is how I truly feel about her though. When I say I want my mommy that is who I mean. I get so lonely for her between sessions that it feels unbearable anymore. I told her that on the phone yesterday. She returned my call from Monday night and I told her I was feeling a lot better now, but that I like hearing from her anyway, and she sort of laughed. I think it was a good laugh. She said that I can have appts twice a week for a while if I need to (again) so I will go in today and she will let me know what she has available for Friday. I hate spending this kind of money...I'd rather save my $$$ for "retail therapy" but I need this more. Not to mention, retail therapy is actually more expensive. Ssshh! Don't tell hubby.
I sure hope I get somewhere today. I've been spending a lot of time crying during my sessions, audibly sobs too.
I never seem to get to finsish one thiing before several other things come up each week that I am having to turn my attention to. I think you mentioned that problem too PL? Does anybody else have that experience? Like you have so much going on that is so important that you can never seem to finsih anything? I guess therapy isn't a neat orderly process anyway. My T doesn't seem too concerned and thinks we will get to everything, eventually. I guess she is planning on me sticking around for a long time too. ($cha-ching$) Last week she seemed reluctant to putting off the CSA issue, but she also knew that my abandonment issues came up really strong and hard and I needed to confront those feelings.
I can't believe how wild my emotions are lately. It makes me a little nervous to be so emtionally open. I would never have allowed this exposure 2 years ago. I feel like such a little kid and there is no stopping it now.
Lord help me!
JM
I have the biggest smile on my heart and a joyful tear in my eye for you right now. From the way you have described your T I knew that she would be so warm and caring. What a heartwarming experience. Thank you for sharing. You probably woke up with that smile on your face too didn't you?
I know you did. I am sure your T had a smile the rest of the day too. I get to see "my T mommy" today. I swear I am turning into the biggest baby. That is how I truly feel about her though. When I say I want my mommy that is who I mean. I get so lonely for her between sessions that it feels unbearable anymore. I told her that on the phone yesterday. She returned my call from Monday night and I told her I was feeling a lot better now, but that I like hearing from her anyway, and she sort of laughed. I think it was a good laugh.
She said that I can have appts twice a week for a while if I need to (again) so I will go in today and she will let me know what she has available for Friday. I hate spending this kind of money...I'd rather save my $$$ for "retail therapy" but I need this more. Not to mention, retail therapy is actually more expensive. Ssshh! Don't tell hubby.I sure hope I get somewhere today. I've been spending a lot of time crying during my sessions, audibly sobs too.
I never seem to get to finsish one thiing before several other things come up each week that I am having to turn my attention to. I think you mentioned that problem too PL? Does anybody else have that experience? Like you have so much going on that is so important that you can never seem to finsih anything? I guess therapy isn't a neat orderly process anyway. My T doesn't seem too concerned and thinks we will get to everything, eventually. I guess she is planning on me sticking around for a long time too. ($cha-ching$) Last week she seemed reluctant to putting off the CSA issue, but she also knew that my abandonment issues came up really strong and hard and I needed to confront those feelings. I can't believe how wild my emotions are lately. It makes me a little nervous to be so emtionally open. I would never have allowed this exposure 2 years ago. I feel like such a little kid and there is no stopping it now.
Lord help me!
JM
quote:Originally posted by Just Me:
I never seem to get to finsish one thiing before several other things come up each week that I am having to turn my attention to. I think you mentioned that problem too PL? Does anybody else have that experience? Like you have so much going on that is so important that you can never seem to finsih anything?
JM,
All the time...and I go THREE times a week.
Russ
JM
Yes, I'm still grinning from ear to ear! Thanks for your happiness for me. I have more to say about what you posted, but got to get to school right now. As much as I love that we are from all over the world here, I wish we were in the same time zone. It would make talking to each other so much easier. You're probably ready for a morning snack and I'm just shoveling breakfast into me!
I'll get back to you later.
PL
Yes, I'm still grinning from ear to ear!
Thanks for your happiness for me. I have more to say about what you posted, but got to get to school right now. As much as I love that we are from all over the world here, I wish we were in the same time zone. It would make talking to each other so much easier. You're probably ready for a morning snack and I'm just shoveling breakfast into me!I'll get back to you later.
PL
PL,
That is so awesome! I know what kind of courage it took to talk to your T about this; you took an incredible step to risk asking about this. And your T sounds wonderful, she responded so perfectly. And I know how much that handshake means. I did fail to mention that although my T is strictly no hugs, he shakes my hand on my way out at the end of each session. That handshake and the eye contact that goes with it provides me with what I need to get to the next session.
Savor the joy and know that although there may be times where it feels scary again, you've made permanant headway in your healing.
You've made my heart glad.
AG
That is so awesome! I know what kind of courage it took to talk to your T about this; you took an incredible step to risk asking about this. And your T sounds wonderful, she responded so perfectly. And I know how much that handshake means. I did fail to mention that although my T is strictly no hugs, he shakes my hand on my way out at the end of each session. That handshake and the eye contact that goes with it provides me with what I need to get to the next session.
Savor the joy and know that although there may be times where it feels scary again, you've made permanant headway in your healing.
You've made my heart glad.
AG
JM,
Once again you sound perfectly normal to me.
(I know, I know, you have to consider the source!) Therapy is very messy. I think its one of the most confusing things you'll ever do. But that makes sense, the nature of trauma is that it comes at you too hard and fast so of course it feels overwhelming and confusing when you're trying to sort it out.
And you're right to worry about the secure base ahead of the actual trauma. You can't process the trauma without feeling safe enough to do so. So although you feel like you're not getting anywhere, you're actually galloping full speed. I hope you have a wonderful session with your amazing T and can feel more stable and secure.
And Russ you sound pretty normal too.
AG
Once again you sound perfectly normal to me.
(I know, I know, you have to consider the source!) Therapy is very messy. I think its one of the most confusing things you'll ever do. But that makes sense, the nature of trauma is that it comes at you too hard and fast so of course it feels overwhelming and confusing when you're trying to sort it out.
And you're right to worry about the secure base ahead of the actual trauma. You can't process the trauma without feeling safe enough to do so. So although you feel like you're not getting anywhere, you're actually galloping full speed. I hope you have a wonderful session with your amazing T and can feel more stable and secure.
And Russ you sound pretty normal too.
AG
quote:I hate spending this kind of money...I'd rather save my $$$ for "retail therapy" but I need this more.
JM
I really understand this. It costs so much to go to therapy and sometimes I feel like I am spending too much money on myself that could be used for my family. But someone else told me that I should look at how much my going to therapy IS helping my family. When I look at it like that, I can see that she is right. My family is benefiting greatly from the changes I am making in myself. Although, I haven't told my husband I am going TWO times a week.
I just don't know how to explain to him that I need her that much.The thing about getting sidetracked by many other issues can be disconcerting for me too. Sometimes I feel like I had a really good session and I've made a breakthrough, and I'm looking forward to discussing it more at the next session, and then something else happens. I'm so upset about the new thing and we spend the whole session talking about that. Then I'm angry on my way home because I feel I got jipped out of what I wanted to talk about. I've mentioned this to my T and told her that I sometimes resent spending my session talking about other things (my son for instance). She says, "But these things are about you too. We are still working on you." She is right and she also doesn't seem concerned about this (like your T JM). I just know how hard it is to have so many things hanging around being unresolved.
So JM, you make a whole lot of sense.
I hope your session goes well today. And welcome to the two times a week club. Does this mean we are nuttier than everyone else?? Just kidding. No, I like to look at is as getting more of my needs filled, because I would be really nutty if I didn't see her two times a week!PL
Soulful did you draw that puppy?
If you did you did a great job!
If you did you did a great job!
I see my therapist two to three times a week right now and I feel that I can't even begin to touch on even half or a fourth of what is happening for me. I know how you feel Russ.
I am going to be seeing my T twice a week for a while starting this week. I go back again Friday. I've done it before and it is very helpful. So I hope it wiil help this time. I just feel like I am in such a bind.
And those maternal feelings are extremely strong with intermittent erotic feelings just passing through often enough to make sure I don't forget they exist too. But I have noticed something about them that tells me about myself and my needs which have absolutely nothing to do with sex. (Thankfully) Although I am not sure they are not related to my CSA on occaission. But they are what they are and I am much more accepting of them than I used to be. Seriously before I found MyShrink and this forum I was a mess over it! My T could not get me to accept it no matter how much we addressed it and I squirmed and stuttered and hid my face. Now i can at least briefly look her in the eye when it is mentioned.
That IS a nice drawing SD. DID you draw that?
JM
And those maternal feelings are extremely strong with intermittent erotic feelings just passing through often enough to make sure I don't forget they exist too.
But I have noticed something about them that tells me about myself and my needs which have absolutely nothing to do with sex. (Thankfully) Although I am not sure they are not related to my CSA on occaission. But they are what they are and I am much more accepting of them than I used to be. Seriously before I found MyShrink and this forum I was a mess over it! My T could not get me to accept it no matter how much we addressed it and I squirmed and stuttered and hid my face. Now i can at least briefly look her in the eye when it is mentioned.That IS a nice drawing SD. DID you draw that?
JM
quote:Originally posted by Jo:
Soulful did you draw that puppy?
If you did you did a great job!
Yes...I did draw the puppy. And thanks...
Jo and JM...
I draw sometimes when I find a feeling that is difficult to express. This one is the first in a series of pound puppies that I had an idea for. Then I got sidetracked and he was left in my WIP file. He has a few technical problems but I like him. I couldn't resist the urge to post it for PL...she had such a great breakthrough. She is now free from HER cage!
Most of my drawings are more emotional in content. Some could be triggering. I keep running across themes in these threads that seem to fit what I express in drawings. I'm just not sure it is appropriate to put them in a thread. So I've held back.
I don't want to put a watermark on them but some of them are up for sale. So, I don't know how long I can leave them up.
Let me know if you want to see any more of them...I don't want to overwhelm the threads with them.
I would love to see what anyone else expresses in their artistic way.
I guess maybe the photo gallery is where I "should" post them but when I get the inclination to do so it is usually in relationship to what is being said in the threads.
Please let me know if they bother or annoy and I will take them down.
I am not seeking any particular attention or praise for them...but sometimes I like to know what people think about them and what comes up for them when they see them. Because they are a big part of my therapy...I sometimes need to make sense of what they mean and having input from other people helps alot. They are mostly symbolic, much like a dream.
Let me know if any of you are interested in seeing any more. And if so...let me know where you would prefer that I post them...ie: in the related thread or in the photo gallery? I have over 250 of them at this point.
I actually didn't know I could draw until about 9 months ago....go figure. Just another of my "weird" quirks. I had an "activation" of sorts...meaning the alter that draws "woke" up. She does not speak so this is her form of expression.
My partner asked me if I could draw something besides people...so I went to my office/studio and came back with this little guy...she looked at me quizzically and said: "Wow...what else can you do that I don't know about?" My lame response was...."I dunno...I guess we'll find out."
Anyway...thanks again...and I'm glad you like my little pound puppy. Maybe I should see if my local humane society wants him? Hmmmm.... Or maybe I'll submit him to Best Friends magazine since they are located in my region. Anyone ever watch Dogtown on the Nat Geo channel?
Sorry about the cage...PL I sooo want to take him out of it too. I think that was the purpose of the drawing.
I believe he is a representation of my experience in finding my dog Bodhi.
SD
quote:I couldn't resist the urge to post it for PL...she had such a great breakthrough. She is now free from HER cage!
SD
Thanks so much. That makes it even more special.
I would love to see your drawings. Let me know where you post them. And thanks for caring so much. Yeah, I now have maybe a foot outside my cage. PL
Hello Cafe fam,
I found this page by searching Google for materials on erotic transference. I'm trying to understand what it is, what it means, where it comes from and if I "absolutely have to" open up to my therapist about my feeling for her, because I am caught up in this funky little web...
Needless to say, I'm reading, hearing and learning that I "do" and "should" put this out there, but I am so scared...scared... and more scared... I'm afraid that my therapist will ignore me, say that I'm crazy, withdraw from me, reject me and even laugh at me. and I'm afraid that that laugh is the laugh that would kill me. Of course my therapist is nothing like these thoughts that I have... but this is my story of fear...
I want to tell her so bad and open the windows up (if not just myself) in my session.
I really need some help... and even though I am in therapy - which is an ideal place to help me with something like this... I am stuck behind this wall, and I want out.
thanks to everybody for opening up about this and sharing it in this place. it gives me a bit more courage today than I had yesterday.
I hope to have great news a little later about spilling the beans.
until then, take care and enjoy.
I found this page by searching Google for materials on erotic transference. I'm trying to understand what it is, what it means, where it comes from and if I "absolutely have to" open up to my therapist about my feeling for her, because I am caught up in this funky little web...
Needless to say, I'm reading, hearing and learning that I "do" and "should" put this out there, but I am so scared...scared... and more scared... I'm afraid that my therapist will ignore me, say that I'm crazy, withdraw from me, reject me and even laugh at me. and I'm afraid that that laugh is the laugh that would kill me. Of course my therapist is nothing like these thoughts that I have... but this is my story of fear...
I want to tell her so bad and open the windows up (if not just myself) in my session.
I really need some help... and even though I am in therapy - which is an ideal place to help me with something like this... I am stuck behind this wall, and I want out.
thanks to everybody for opening up about this and sharing it in this place. it gives me a bit more courage today than I had yesterday.
I hope to have great news a little later about spilling the beans.
until then, take care and enjoy.
Hi Rebuilding,
Welcome to the forums! I'm really glad that reading here has helped you decide how to handle your feelings and given you the courage to speak about them to your T. I remember having all the same fears about speaking up to my T (who at the time my husband and I were seeing for marital counseling, he was actually my husband's T originally.) He didn't do any of what I was worried about. Actually he was very understanding and accepting of my feelings and very glad that I had opened up about them.
Therapy should be a safe place where you can speak about anything you're feeling, including your feelings for your T. I hope it goes really well, whatever you can manage to say. Be patient with yourself if you can't get it all said at once, this can be scary stuff. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.
AG
Welcome to the forums! I'm really glad that reading here has helped you decide how to handle your feelings and given you the courage to speak about them to your T. I remember having all the same fears about speaking up to my T (who at the time my husband and I were seeing for marital counseling, he was actually my husband's T originally.) He didn't do any of what I was worried about. Actually he was very understanding and accepting of my feelings and very glad that I had opened up about them.
Therapy should be a safe place where you can speak about anything you're feeling, including your feelings for your T. I hope it goes really well, whatever you can manage to say. Be patient with yourself if you can't get it all said at once, this can be scary stuff. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.
AG