I think that sometimes we have a picture in our mind about what our therapists lives are actually like and it might be way off of what the actual truth is.
Like im picturing a nurturing mother that takes time for her family where as it could be that shes distant or over protective.
Yes emerald, I would also like to think that my T is the most perfect person in the world. When we are together in the containment of her office, she is perfect to me. But, I realize that she is also human. As much as I would love to be her daughter, I'm sure if I talked to her daughter I would find out that she, like every mother, has made mistakes. That she has maybe overreacted to things as I sometimes do. That she has said things that she regrets. My T is divorced and as much as I would like to think that her ex must have been a monster to her, I realize that there may have been things that she did to contribute to the situation. That is why it is good that we don't know too much about our Ts. It would burst our bubble of being able to trust the one person in the world that we think has all the answers to help us heal. I know I have placed my T on a very high pedestal and I couldn't take it if she ever fell off. That being said, I really do realize that she is also a person just like you and me with lots of faults and failings.
PL
PL
Hi emerald. I get what you mean, making up in our minds what our therapists may really be like and I have done that with a lot of people, not just therapists. I have had transference experiences with bosses and teachers, and have done this. The transference "fantasy" seems to ease the more I get to know them.
My most recent obsession was my son's T. I'm still not sure it's transference but some of the feelings seem to fit so that's what I'm going with. But, I never put my son's T on a pedestal - I saw her faults and it made me appreciate her more. We live in a small town, she works at my son's school, her kids go there. She has talked a lot about her kids and she said it herself, she has self-disclosed a lot and maybe wasn't too good with boundaries. I've seen her flustered and I've been annoyed with her. I saw that she was a real person with real faults but still she was able to reach out to me and give me what I needed more than anything in the world.
I think that's probably why I got in my mind that friendship was possible. I felt like I was on an even level with her. I didn't' feel like I was talking to a therapist when I talked to her, I felt like I was talking to a friend. I didn't think she could save me, or even give me just the advice I needed to solve my problems. But she was there, she was able to just listen and offer me support, and I felt like she really cared.
I know more about her than most people know about their therapists, but I realize I still don't know the real her. But that's the way it is when you start a friendship. You feel a connection and then you get to know each other better. Then you may either become closer or grow apart.
Where it became different from a typical friendship forming, for me, was when I realized that I could really depend on her, and that I never had that in my life before. She told me to call or email whenever I needed to and I did. I took full advantage. She did make the boundaries clear at that point when she told me I needed to make friends and get my own support system. I realized she couldn't be my friend and that she was acting as a therapist. I began to question why, and when I saw that there were rules against us being friends, I began to worry that she was just doing her job and that she really didn't care as much as I thought. But then I asked her and she validated my feelings. She said she would love to be friends if it weren't for the way we met. Then I just became angry at the rules and the obsession got a little worse.
I think it could have worked if she had stayed my son's T. We could have talked out all this transference stuff. I could still get what I needed and accepted the boundaries. It could have been very positive, just like some other experiences here on this board. But that didn't work, my son is getting referred to another T for some more serious issues. So the prospect of her not being there for me became all too real, and the obsession grew more.
I still haven't accepted that she is out of my life. School is starting again tomorrow and I still keep thinking in the back of my mind that it's not over. She has been so important to me that I just still can't imagine it. I'm 100% sure I will see her, it's unavoidable, I'm just not sure how hard it's going to be. I still really have the urge to talk to her about it all, if for nothing else but closure. I'm not sure it would work out the way I wanted it too, though, because I'm pretty sure she doesn't know how deep my need goes.
Wow, that turned into quite a long post didn't it. Thanks to anyone who stuck through and read it.
OW
My most recent obsession was my son's T. I'm still not sure it's transference but some of the feelings seem to fit so that's what I'm going with. But, I never put my son's T on a pedestal - I saw her faults and it made me appreciate her more. We live in a small town, she works at my son's school, her kids go there. She has talked a lot about her kids and she said it herself, she has self-disclosed a lot and maybe wasn't too good with boundaries. I've seen her flustered and I've been annoyed with her. I saw that she was a real person with real faults but still she was able to reach out to me and give me what I needed more than anything in the world.
I think that's probably why I got in my mind that friendship was possible. I felt like I was on an even level with her. I didn't' feel like I was talking to a therapist when I talked to her, I felt like I was talking to a friend. I didn't think she could save me, or even give me just the advice I needed to solve my problems. But she was there, she was able to just listen and offer me support, and I felt like she really cared.
I know more about her than most people know about their therapists, but I realize I still don't know the real her. But that's the way it is when you start a friendship. You feel a connection and then you get to know each other better. Then you may either become closer or grow apart.
Where it became different from a typical friendship forming, for me, was when I realized that I could really depend on her, and that I never had that in my life before. She told me to call or email whenever I needed to and I did. I took full advantage. She did make the boundaries clear at that point when she told me I needed to make friends and get my own support system. I realized she couldn't be my friend and that she was acting as a therapist. I began to question why, and when I saw that there were rules against us being friends, I began to worry that she was just doing her job and that she really didn't care as much as I thought. But then I asked her and she validated my feelings. She said she would love to be friends if it weren't for the way we met. Then I just became angry at the rules and the obsession got a little worse.
I think it could have worked if she had stayed my son's T. We could have talked out all this transference stuff. I could still get what I needed and accepted the boundaries. It could have been very positive, just like some other experiences here on this board. But that didn't work, my son is getting referred to another T for some more serious issues. So the prospect of her not being there for me became all too real, and the obsession grew more.
I still haven't accepted that she is out of my life. School is starting again tomorrow and I still keep thinking in the back of my mind that it's not over. She has been so important to me that I just still can't imagine it. I'm 100% sure I will see her, it's unavoidable, I'm just not sure how hard it's going to be. I still really have the urge to talk to her about it all, if for nothing else but closure. I'm not sure it would work out the way I wanted it too, though, because I'm pretty sure she doesn't know how deep my need goes.
Wow, that turned into quite a long post didn't it. Thanks to anyone who stuck through and read it.
OW
Hey OW, This is Charloote...I stuck you out and know what you are saying...My old T, referred me to my new Ms. T because i disclosed my transference feelings to him...I about died...but I relize now that it was the best thing...I thought the first time I saw him afterwards in the office that the whole staff probably new my issues...but they didn't..it was so hard to look at him, yet I needed to see his face to be able to function. yes, I have cried many times after leaving therapy with Ms. T because he was in his office with another patient during "My appointment time", but that's the emotional human part of this transference thing. It has become much easier as the weeks have passed, and we even speak small talk, smile, nod, etc, now. It has made it easier to relate to Ms. T, and although my feelings of transference are in no way gone, you know that from my blogs here on the forum...it is getting easier in a funky sorta way I guess...anyway I said all that to say...thanks for your help the other night...and hope this has helped you to be able to see your son's T at school and hold your head high...because as you said...your both only human!!..Charlotte
Charlotte,
I'm so glad to hear you're having an easier time with your T situation. You've been incredibly strong and you should be really proud of yourself.
OW,
Just for the record, that was a short post.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I know how intense my feelings have been for my T. At one point, I remember feeling like it would literally kill me if I lost him, so I can only imagine how painful it must be to have this relationship be off bounds. In many ways, transference is easier when its with your own T because you can work it out with them. But I think the really important part of this experience for you is being able to recognize your feelings and the needs that you are trying to fulfill. They're good, healthy needs that SHOULD be met and you will work out how to meet them with the help of your therapist. And its also good that you're able to understand why the relationship isn't happening and you're concentrating your efforts on getting the help that you need.
And I understand the wondering if the relationship was real. I struggled with that for a LONG time and have just recently come to understand and believe that the relationship is a very real one. I believe your son's T really did care for you and the relationship is real. I think that she's behaving the way she is out of a concern for your well being. I know that doesn't make it not hurt, but I hope its some comfort.
And please don't feel like you're saying too much or talking about it too much. That's why we're all here. These are deeply painful and deeply significant feelings that take a lot of time to work through. And a lot of repitition (at least in my case!). You need to use all your resources and this is one of them. And it helps everyone to hear about how other people struggle with these issues. It can often help us feel more normal and give us other perspectives and ideas on how to best handle it.
AG
I'm so glad to hear you're having an easier time with your T situation. You've been incredibly strong and you should be really proud of yourself.
OW,
Just for the record, that was a short post.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I know how intense my feelings have been for my T. At one point, I remember feeling like it would literally kill me if I lost him, so I can only imagine how painful it must be to have this relationship be off bounds. In many ways, transference is easier when its with your own T because you can work it out with them. But I think the really important part of this experience for you is being able to recognize your feelings and the needs that you are trying to fulfill. They're good, healthy needs that SHOULD be met and you will work out how to meet them with the help of your therapist. And its also good that you're able to understand why the relationship isn't happening and you're concentrating your efforts on getting the help that you need.
And I understand the wondering if the relationship was real. I struggled with that for a LONG time and have just recently come to understand and believe that the relationship is a very real one. I believe your son's T really did care for you and the relationship is real. I think that she's behaving the way she is out of a concern for your well being. I know that doesn't make it not hurt, but I hope its some comfort.
And please don't feel like you're saying too much or talking about it too much. That's why we're all here. These are deeply painful and deeply significant feelings that take a lot of time to work through. And a lot of repitition (at least in my case!). You need to use all your resources and this is one of them. And it helps everyone to hear about how other people struggle with these issues. It can often help us feel more normal and give us other perspectives and ideas on how to best handle it.
AG
HEY AG GLAD YOU ARE FEELING BETTER NOW. I HAVE HAD A CRAZY WEEK...IT HAS BEEN A BAD WEEKEND FOR MY BRAIN PROBLEMS, AND MY DEPRESSION SEEMS TO BE TRYING MY PATIENCE!...BUT I HAVE TRIED REALLY HARD TO FOLLOW THE PLANS THAT I MADE WITH MS. T...TO EXERCISE AND EAT MORE HEALTHY FOODS...KEEPING A FOOD JOURNAL ETC..BUT THE MORE I TRY TO DO THAT THE MORE I AM FOCUSED ON MY OLD MR. T... WHY IS THAT HAPPENING?? I HAVE LOST DOWN ANOTHER SIZE AND WENT TO GET A NEW OUTFIT TO WEAR TOMORROW SO THAT HE WILL SEE ME...I DON'T FEEL LIKE I WANT TO DO THINGS LIKE THIS...BUT I DO...JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS GETTING BETTER...I'M AFRAID IF I TELL MS.T AND SHE DISCUSSES IT WITH MR.T...WILL HE KICK ME OUT AGAIN...I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TELL HER ANYTHING...THEN NEXT WEEK I MAY SPILL MY GUTS TO HER AND FEEL SO MUCH BETTER BECAUSE I TRUST HER...DOES THIS MAKE SENSE...IT DOESN'T TO ME...I THINK I'VE LOST A MARBLE OR TWO...MY BRAIN IS SPINNING A 1000 MILES AN HOUR I BETTER GET OFF HERE BEFORE I FREAK OUT!!...JM...WHERE ARE YOU HIDING???
CHARLOTTE
CHARLOTTE
Charlotte - thank you so much for posting. I've been reading your posts with great interest because I see the similarities in our situations. I think you're handling things so well, you haven't given up, and you're working through your feelings - in my eyes you're an inspiration. (I don't have any romantic feelings for my son's T but I still worry about what I wear when I know I'm going to see her, I think it's perfectly natural.)
AG - thank you for the reassurance. That's something I could definitely use a lot of!
A few weeks ago I said I couldn't imagine my life without my son's T there to reassure me. I haven't talked to her or seen her since Dec. 18. I haven't completely shut down so I guess I'm doing OK.
I have been able to recognize the feelings and needs I'm trying to fulfill but what if I'm never able to actually fulfill them? I've never been very good at making friends - I have a lot of acquaintances but it never seems to go much deeper. I've known for a long time why I can't make friends and so far, knowing it hasn't helped much.
I understand, intellectually, why the relationship isn't happening, but I'm not there emotionally yet. I still want her to call and ask me if I want to go out and talk. So I'm trying to figure out if I can get someone to replace her and I just don't see it. I am working through my feelings with my new T, ever so painfully slowly, but I doubt I will ever have these sorts of feelings for my new T. I've had other Ts before, and this T feels very much like those. Right now I think that's a very good thing, because I wouldn't be able to be so open and honest if I was afraid this could happen again.
But there is still a huge void. Sometimes I'm mad at my son's T for pointing out this huge void in my life. She told me on more than one occasion that I need a support system, that no one can handle all this with no support. I was all set to bear it all alone, because that's what I've done my entire life. Then she became my support and showed me that it was possible for me to depend on someone else. She showed me what a relief it was to not bear something all alone.
After the fact, I'm not sure that was the best thing. I was in pretty bad shape, so maybe she did help me from completely falling apart. I may have started to believe my family members who told me I was doing everything wrong. My marriage may have very well fallen apart. But now I'm left still dealing with all the issues I was before, plus this new one.
Now that I'm in the middle of it there's no way I would turn around and stop, because I know I can't go back. I keep clinging to the hope that it will get better, and the inspiration I find here is probably the biggest thing keeping me going.
I've read this over and over and it does give me comfort. I have a hard time believing it, but it is good to hear. I don't think I would even believe it if she told me. Maybe I will with time.
OW
AG - thank you for the reassurance. That's something I could definitely use a lot of!
A few weeks ago I said I couldn't imagine my life without my son's T there to reassure me. I haven't talked to her or seen her since Dec. 18. I haven't completely shut down so I guess I'm doing OK.
I have been able to recognize the feelings and needs I'm trying to fulfill but what if I'm never able to actually fulfill them? I've never been very good at making friends - I have a lot of acquaintances but it never seems to go much deeper. I've known for a long time why I can't make friends and so far, knowing it hasn't helped much.
I understand, intellectually, why the relationship isn't happening, but I'm not there emotionally yet. I still want her to call and ask me if I want to go out and talk. So I'm trying to figure out if I can get someone to replace her and I just don't see it. I am working through my feelings with my new T, ever so painfully slowly, but I doubt I will ever have these sorts of feelings for my new T. I've had other Ts before, and this T feels very much like those. Right now I think that's a very good thing, because I wouldn't be able to be so open and honest if I was afraid this could happen again.
But there is still a huge void. Sometimes I'm mad at my son's T for pointing out this huge void in my life. She told me on more than one occasion that I need a support system, that no one can handle all this with no support. I was all set to bear it all alone, because that's what I've done my entire life. Then she became my support and showed me that it was possible for me to depend on someone else. She showed me what a relief it was to not bear something all alone.
After the fact, I'm not sure that was the best thing. I was in pretty bad shape, so maybe she did help me from completely falling apart. I may have started to believe my family members who told me I was doing everything wrong. My marriage may have very well fallen apart. But now I'm left still dealing with all the issues I was before, plus this new one.
Now that I'm in the middle of it there's no way I would turn around and stop, because I know I can't go back. I keep clinging to the hope that it will get better, and the inspiration I find here is probably the biggest thing keeping me going.
quote:I believe your son's T really did care for you and the relationship is real. I think that she's behaving the way she is out of a concern for your well being. I know that doesn't make it not hurt, but I hope its some comfort.
I've read this over and over and it does give me comfort. I have a hard time believing it, but it is good to hear. I don't think I would even believe it if she told me. Maybe I will with time.
OW
Ugh. I saw her today. My son had a psych appointment and I picked him at at school. I saw her at school (she was leaving) and then I saw her again at the psych office (psych sees the kids at a church office in town and she was bringing him paperwook). It was easy enough (well not really but I got through it without embarassing myself) to say 'hi' and then go about our business, but now I can't seem to concentrate on anything else.
OW
I'm sorry that you have to keep being reminded of the pain by running into her. It seems like you need some time to let the wound heal. You should feel proud of yourself though that you were able to say "hi" and then move on. Remember, baby steps.
I see my T in about an hour and I'm already freaking about how 50 minutes doesn't seem long enough and when I leave I will feel good for a little while, and then start missing her again. Sheesh! Why can't I just enjoy the "moment" and stop worrying about the future. Oh yeah, that's one of the reasons why I am seeing her.
PL
I'm sorry that you have to keep being reminded of the pain by running into her. It seems like you need some time to let the wound heal. You should feel proud of yourself though that you were able to say "hi" and then move on. Remember, baby steps.
I see my T in about an hour and I'm already freaking about how 50 minutes doesn't seem long enough and when I leave I will feel good for a little while, and then start missing her again. Sheesh! Why can't I just enjoy the "moment" and stop worrying about the future. Oh yeah, that's one of the reasons why I am seeing her.
PL
OW- that must be so frustrating to see her so much. I hope you can find some closure to this real soon. Please feel free to speak about it here as much as you need to. I know it's hard to hold stuff like that in and especially when not too many people understand what this is like. I don't want you to feel alone with this. That just makes it so much more enormous to deal with.
PL-How did your session go today? I think the longings are far more difficult right after session. At least for the first 24-48 hours. That's when I tend to call my T the most.
Hang in there you two. You're not alone!
JM
PL-How did your session go today? I think the longings are far more difficult right after session. At least for the first 24-48 hours. That's when I tend to call my T the most.
Hang in there you two. You're not alone!
JM
JM
Thanks for asking. Actually, it did and it didn't go so well. I mean, she was great as always, but we didn't end up talking about what I wanted to talk about. (whatever that was!) There is something going on with my son and we ended up talking about that. I feel sort of down about it because I feel like I wasted time that is supposed to be for me, on my son. I know that doesn't sound like a very nice mom. I'm just so tired of dealing with his problems at the moment. Anyway, the way I need to look at it is that she did help me with my response/coping with his issues. So I guess it was still about me. She says I have "battle fatigue" in regards to his problems. I'll get over this, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
The good thing is that I will be seeing her on Thursday. I have been going 2X's a week for the past few months because she felt that I needed more "containment." She was right because I couldn't make it the whole week without calling her and talking for another hour. I would rather talk to her in person than on the phone if I can. It has made my therapy much more intense, the transference more deep, but my progress much quicker. Even though I didn't think I got what I wanted, she knew what she was doing. I feel much better about the issue with my son and she gave me guidance in how to deal with him. He and I talked just a little while ago and I used all of her suggestions. It turned out well. Ok, I guess I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
PL
Thanks for asking. Actually, it did and it didn't go so well. I mean, she was great as always, but we didn't end up talking about what I wanted to talk about. (whatever that was!) There is something going on with my son and we ended up talking about that. I feel sort of down about it because I feel like I wasted time that is supposed to be for me, on my son. I know that doesn't sound like a very nice mom. I'm just so tired of dealing with his problems at the moment. Anyway, the way I need to look at it is that she did help me with my response/coping with his issues. So I guess it was still about me. She says I have "battle fatigue" in regards to his problems. I'll get over this, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
The good thing is that I will be seeing her on Thursday. I have been going 2X's a week for the past few months because she felt that I needed more "containment." She was right because I couldn't make it the whole week without calling her and talking for another hour. I would rather talk to her in person than on the phone if I can. It has made my therapy much more intense, the transference more deep, but my progress much quicker. Even though I didn't think I got what I wanted, she knew what she was doing. I feel much better about the issue with my son and she gave me guidance in how to deal with him. He and I talked just a little while ago and I used all of her suggestions. It turned out well. Ok, I guess I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
PL
Well, I guess we all have Transference Tuesday sessions! I was there today too. I saw Mr T before my session, and he spoke a couple times...it thrilled my heart...but I tried to act very professional. Then I saw him afterwards and he asked me if I was okay...is that not weird..Am I ok???...NO NO NO!! I'm not okay I wanted to say...I want to be in there working thru this with you not her!!!...but I just replied.."I'm fine thank you for asking"..but I guess him speaking to me before really helped...because I was able to open up about things with Ms. T like I never had before..it just takes time...of course He will be my fantasy for the next few days....it's always like that...it wouldn't be a problem if we seen them and then didn't think about them again until next time...it's just human nature!
OW, don't say you don't make friends easily...look at this forum...you are covered up with friends...we may not see things "EYE TO EYE"...LOL...but we are all here in the same boat...on the same river, with the same hole in the same float...helping each other to keep our heads above the water...is that not what true friends do?...I THINK SO!!...yes life stinks sometimes, but it does whether you have things going on or not. God gives us the valleys...so the mountain tops look more beautiful when we finally reach them...Just the other night I felt like a total idiot...but it was you that said...
It helped me thru the hour of gloom....and probably so many others on this forum we don't even know about...i see things that others post on here...that i apply to myself all the time...it helps!!. AG, JM, ShrinkLady..etc WE all do the same. I couldn't name all of us...I haven't been here long myself...but long enough to know that I can speak out of my heart...and others are listening and caring...have a great night, talk to you all later, and remember..
"When you click into this clique....you have been hand picked by the man upstairs that put you where people really care!!!"
Charlotte
PS I see my other new shrink (Mr. T2)tomorrow for the 2nd time...say a prayer for me...I'm already anxious!!!
OW, don't say you don't make friends easily...look at this forum...you are covered up with friends...we may not see things "EYE TO EYE"...LOL...but we are all here in the same boat...on the same river, with the same hole in the same float...helping each other to keep our heads above the water...is that not what true friends do?...I THINK SO!!...yes life stinks sometimes, but it does whether you have things going on or not. God gives us the valleys...so the mountain tops look more beautiful when we finally reach them...Just the other night I felt like a total idiot...but it was you that said...
quote:I don't think you're $*@(!(#(#!)() stupid. I think you're going through a really rough time and your new Mr. T2 is showing your real kindness. If I were you I'd want to soak up as much of that as I could.
It helped me thru the hour of gloom....and probably so many others on this forum we don't even know about...i see things that others post on here...that i apply to myself all the time...it helps!!. AG, JM, ShrinkLady..etc WE all do the same. I couldn't name all of us...I haven't been here long myself...but long enough to know that I can speak out of my heart...and others are listening and caring...have a great night, talk to you all later, and remember..
"When you click into this clique....you have been hand picked by the man upstairs that put you where people really care!!!"
Charlotte
PS I see my other new shrink (Mr. T2)tomorrow for the 2nd time...say a prayer for me...I'm already anxious!!!
Hi everyone. I had to cancel my appointment with my T and I would usually feel really upset about it but i didnt. she resheduled it in a few days later. I was meant to see her today.
I think that it was because of these new mother feelings ive been having and im a bit afraid of it because i have decided to discuss it with her in the next session.
I think that it was because of these new mother feelings ive been having and im a bit afraid of it because i have decided to discuss it with her in the next session.
Hey emerald,
I understand your stress. It was utterly painful when I expressed my transference to my T, but she accepted it very warmly. You already have a good solid working relationship with her so trust that and use that as a resource to build up the courage when you do talk to her. Think about her warmth and what you know to be true about her in her past dealing with you. And as AG would say "BREATHE."
If you haven't already done so I find it helps to write out my feelings on paper to try to get a clear idea of what I want to say. Then if you're like me you will probably stumble around it anyway. Some of us write letters or emails to our T so they can read it before hand and then it's already on the table when you show up. You can even just present the letter to her in person and let her read it and then discuss it. I've done this on difficult issues too and I find it really helps. I have learned that there isn't anything I can't discuss with my T. It doesn't mean it's easy, but it's true.
If this is distressing you too much to disclose this to her, just take it slow. You can at least relate that there is something distressing you that you need to discuss with her but don't quite know to go about it. She may help ease it out of you or you may be inclined to say "I'm just not ready yet." But take it slow and try to feel as grounded as you can.
Take care!
JM
I understand your stress. It was utterly painful when I expressed my transference to my T, but she accepted it very warmly. You already have a good solid working relationship with her so trust that and use that as a resource to build up the courage when you do talk to her. Think about her warmth and what you know to be true about her in her past dealing with you. And as AG would say "BREATHE."
If you haven't already done so I find it helps to write out my feelings on paper to try to get a clear idea of what I want to say. Then if you're like me you will probably stumble around it anyway.
Some of us write letters or emails to our T so they can read it before hand and then it's already on the table when you show up. You can even just present the letter to her in person and let her read it and then discuss it. I've done this on difficult issues too and I find it really helps. I have learned that there isn't anything I can't discuss with my T. It doesn't mean it's easy, but it's true. If this is distressing you too much to disclose this to her, just take it slow. You can at least relate that there is something distressing you that you need to discuss with her but don't quite know to go about it. She may help ease it out of you or you may be inclined to say "I'm just not ready yet." But take it slow and try to feel as grounded as you can.
Take care!
JM
PL- I've had sessions go that way too. Sometimes one or all of the kids are causing some stress and sometimes it's the dear ol hubbby. I know I needed to talk about it at the time, but I felt sort of cheated out of my session and what is supposed to be "my time." I don't share my T with anybody and sometimes that's what it feels like when I talk about my other relationships. But essentially it is supposed to help us learn how to work through those too. I just sort of tell my T that I want to put a time limit on the "side issues" to make room for me and that seems to help. I know we are experiencing hardship w/ our oldest son right from the other night that is stressing me out, but I don't want to use "my time" on it. I need a little direction from her, but I am going to try to limit it to 10 minutes today.
At least you get to see her twice a week and hopefully you can devote your next session just for you!
Talk to you later,
JM
At least you get to see her twice a week and hopefully you can devote your next session just for you!
Talk to you later,
JM
Yeah, JM -- for sure the next one will be about me. She asked me a question yesterday about myself and it started to bother me last night, So, I called her and left a VM. She will either call me back today, or I'm sure we will talk about it tomorrow. Either way, it WILL get addressed. 
Thanks for helping me feel like I'm not so selfish on wanting "my time" with my T. I know that all of my relationships relate to what we talk about. I'm glad that I think we are done talking about those for awhile. After all, "it's all about me!" Or it should be 'cause it hasn't been most of my life.
PL
Thanks for helping me feel like I'm not so selfish on wanting "my time" with my T. I know that all of my relationships relate to what we talk about. I'm glad that I think we are done talking about those for awhile. After all, "it's all about me!" Or it should be 'cause it hasn't been most of my life.
PL
Thanks guys. It is frustrating to see her but I may be secretly happy about it at the same time. Well I don't know if happy is the right word but I'm sure you know what I mean.
PL - I completely understand your feelings about wasting time talking about your son, and I don't agree that it doesn't sound like a very nice mom. It's so hard to find a balance between dealing with a child with issues, and making sure we are healthy so we can continue to parent on. Hopefully Thursday you can be as selfish as you want and just focus on you!
Charlotte - I had to chuckle a little when you were explaining what you were saying and what you were thinking. It's all too familiar when I see my son's T. What I say and what I think are so completely different! You guys do feel like true friends but it may not work out so well in real life! I'm much better at typing than I am at talking. And you guys understand me so much better than anyone I've met in real life. Thank you for letting me know I helped you. It does my heart good. I'm saying a prayer that your 2nd appointment turns out well... keep us posted!
Hi Emerald - I'm not looking forward to my session with my T on Thursday either. Like JM said (she is so smart, isn't she?), take it slow, and if you're not feeling it, it can always wait until a time when you are.
OW
PL - I completely understand your feelings about wasting time talking about your son, and I don't agree that it doesn't sound like a very nice mom. It's so hard to find a balance between dealing with a child with issues, and making sure we are healthy so we can continue to parent on. Hopefully Thursday you can be as selfish as you want and just focus on you!
Charlotte - I had to chuckle a little when you were explaining what you were saying and what you were thinking. It's all too familiar when I see my son's T. What I say and what I think are so completely different! You guys do feel like true friends but it may not work out so well in real life! I'm much better at typing than I am at talking. And you guys understand me so much better than anyone I've met in real life. Thank you for letting me know I helped you. It does my heart good. I'm saying a prayer that your 2nd appointment turns out well... keep us posted!
Hi Emerald - I'm not looking forward to my session with my T on Thursday either. Like JM said (she is so smart, isn't she?), take it slow, and if you're not feeling it, it can always wait until a time when you are.
OW
Hello everyone...where are you at?? I guess everyone is anxiously awaiting Transference Tuesday huh?? I know I am...I have had a pretty good week so far...OW how are you doing?...JM are you working over time again...the first of the year is a hard time...for me anyway...we have been doing some remodeling and my house is one more mess...but it will be great we are done. putting in new hardwood floors and re-painting our office and bedroom. This was our christmas present to each other...my hubby and I. maybe it will bring me luck in there you reckon??..haha! things do seem a little better this week, keep you fingers crossed...BTW my new shrink is okay...he just gives me my medications mostly...but he is really nice...but he's not my old Mr. T by no means!!I will talk with you all later, Charlotte
Hey Charlotte, good to hear from you. Everyone's around just in a lot of different threads. Transference hasn't been such a problem lately it seems. Most of us seem to be working on mom's right now.
I feel for you about the remodeling, it can be so disruptive but I'm glad you're looking forward to the changes. And I'm glad things are working out with the new shrink.
AG
I feel for you about the remodeling, it can be so disruptive but I'm glad you're looking forward to the changes. And I'm glad things are working out with the new shrink.
AG
Hi Charlotte!
I'm doing really good (posted about it in "I talked to my son's T" thread). I talked to her and it has made things much better. Thanks for asking!
Then my ongoing headache turned into a full-blown migraine yesterday so I'm trying to stay away from the computer as much as possible. Hard for me but computers and migraines really don't mix well!
Glad to hear your week has been good too.
OW
I'm doing really good (posted about it in "I talked to my son's T" thread). I talked to her and it has made things much better. Thanks for asking!
Then my ongoing headache turned into a full-blown migraine yesterday so I'm trying to stay away from the computer as much as possible. Hard for me but computers and migraines really don't mix well!
Glad to hear your week has been good too.
OW