Hi katiedid,

Is this the only therapist you have ever worked with? If so, it could be very helpful and clarifying to seek the insight of another T about your situation, just to get another professional's perspective on if there is something that is keeping you stuck, or if maybe you just have had a lousy and unethical T (it happens).

Another thought is perhaps you could find the resolution you are seeking about your therapy experience by working through the feelings surrounding it with another T, if trying again with your previous therapist ends up not working out or if you decide it isn't a good idea.

Am sorry you have had a frustrating time of it. Best wishes for the healing journey ahead.

Hi CIH,
Thanks for responding. You have some wise suggestions and seem to get what I am stuck in here.
This has been an ongoing problem for me since I started with this T in 1998! We have been off and on since then dealing with some issues and fallout around a nasty divorce. For me my relationship with her often pre-empted other issues and kept me in thearpy trying to fix it. I did see other therapists along the way, as a complement to my therapy with her, as part of family issues, and to directly come to terms with the crises of being abruptly terminated several times. Ultimately, I either beg to go back and workthings out or return with a new crisis after a year or so break. Other therapists have told me she is in the wrong or just talk to me as if going back is not an option.
For whatever reason, I feel she just doesn't like me or get me. It hurts because I am very attached to her and I see how loving and warm she can be to others.
For example, one time years ago when I was in the thick of being a basket case I was weeping in her office. She asked me if I felt like I wanted her to hold me. What a relief. I said yes. Then we both sat there in silence. I felt really rejected by her lack of touch, warm words or anything. Was she trying to be mean? She hugs clients all the time. Just not me.
Anyhow I'm venting. Thanks for you aknowledgement. You seem from your posts to be a wise and compassionate person well along on your journey. I wish you blessings. KD

Sorry HeldInCompassion. I had your initials backwards. I do love your name and the Kierkegaard quote!

Hey katiedid,

Sorry it's taken me awhile to get back with you again. Wanted to say I really appreciated the kind things you said about me. It does sound like there is an awful lot there in your transference with this T that it could be so beneficial to explore, at least with another T if not with her. Although I can understand the desire to work out understanding the relationship in the context of the relationship.

I hope you keep posting here and let us know how things go for you!

Katiedid, I feel so much for you and I feel the wrenching conflict over needing and fearing. I had this same experience with my T of 3 yrs who was so soft and understanding, but alternated with severity.
I felt I would literally die without being next to her...waiting for sessions were hell. But I also studied books about Transference and at least knew what was going on. It's different from an adult/adult relationship.
The day she announced I had to learn to make it on my own in the world was like a huge rock slammed down on top of my head! I got the horrors so bad I had to be in the psych ward awhile. All the more embarrassing because she knew it was because of her!

Gradually, I learned to get intensely angry at her for being rejecting and going silent on me, which I should have done with my relatives who neglected me. But I had totally dissed my relatives, looked down on them with disdain, and wouldn't admit my love for my T had anything to do with my past. It was hard to get angry with my T, who I needed so much, but she kept punching me with the fact until my Anger got going. I found that anger gave relieve from fear and weakness, and kept me out of the hospital.

Also, I presented my adult self to my inner child, as someone that can take care of her. She hated that at first, but we are at least stuck in the same body and she can make me give her things when the T won't. I also offered a "higher Power" to the inner child as a parent figure instead of the unreliable T.

All this was despised at first, but did take hold and now I'm very strong.
People just don't get it who have never been in therapy. It is unbelievably complicated, and digs right in there where the tenderest, sorest place is in your heart. But it did resolve for me. I hope the best for you. Be patient with yourself!

Hi skylynx,
Thanks for your reply and sharing. A lot of what you say hits home for me. I have been feeling down and hurt, as well as angry about it and have been trying to care for that partof me with my mothering self. After all I can do that for my children even when I might not feel up to it. Haven't got the knack of it when it comes to self care though. I'm so glad to hear you are well. Thanks for the encouragement.
KD