Transference to....everyone?

Hi guys,
Lurker here

So a year ago, I was in therapy with a terrible therapist who I was absolutely obsessed with to the point that I didn't even realize how bad of a t. she was until she hurt me and then I was done. It took me a long, long time to stop being really obsessed with her and even now, with a good, trustworthy new therapist, the transference to the old t. is still there.
AND transference is popping up all over the place, to all these random people. I pretty much only have to hear that someone is a t. and I will immediately want to know everything about them, want to be close to them, etc.
Even people who aren't t.'s.... my DANCE teachers are huge for my transference radar. A dance teacher just has to smile at me and maybe help me adjust my position a couple of times and I want them to be my new life mentor.
WHAT is going on? I can't figure out this transference thing and it is getting really annoying to be soo needfully, quickly attached to so many random women. (And it is all women, all around the same age as my x-t, so I'm guessing this has something to do with it?)
Ideas, guys?

1/6/126:33 PM

❤️ 0

Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

bltMember

Tessa, I think this really isn't as unusual as you think it is. Here's a partial list of all the people I've had attachment-type transference for:

-Camp counselors
-Teachers in school
-Random men I met
-People I met on the internet and never in person
-Characters in computer games
-blah, blah, the list goes on

What's going on here, in my opinion, is that your brain KNOWS it NEEDS a safe attachment really badly in order to heal, so it's looking for that. It's just not too sure where it should look so it's going a bit overboard with it.

If your new T is good, you'll be able to make a good attachment there, and I think these feelings about other people will start to fade gradually.

1/7/125:36 AM

❤️ 0

ravenMember

ditto what Alpaca said. When I was younger is when I felt it most - I'd daydream about a teacher or camp counselor or even a TV show character rescuing me and taking care of me. When I was in high school I didn't havevthe daydreams so much, but I would feel a longing for certain teachers or coaches or even TV characters. It really confused me because I couldn't figure out if I thought I was "in love" with them - and if so, why I always imagined them as a caring mother figure and me as a broken child - even when I got older.

Now I know why I had all those desires. I needed a mom to rescue me and love me. I still find I get attached to those who my hurt child wants as a "mom" figure - but having the awareness and working through the hurt with T helps.

1/7/126:50 AM

❤️ 0

katerificMember

Hi Tessa,
Your situation sounds similar to mine, even the situation about the old T. My old T caused me a lot of trauma and I was alot worse after seeing her than before I went to her. I have been with a new T for several months and I still think about old T every day, several times a day, although it is getting a lot better as I'm healing with the new T. I want to see old T, talk to her and I look for her car out on the road. This isn't anything new to me though. I get this way about people and have my whole life.

New T is working with me on healing the childhood hurts and I am making progress. I'm happy with the way things are going. Old T absolutely refused to go that route, further traumatizing my little girl. Now that she's being heard, it is getting much better. I don't know why I attach so strongly to people who aren't good for me. Sounds like another discussion with T.

1/7/127:03 AM

❤️ 0

forgetmenotMember

Similar situation here as well.

When I was younger, my transference's was to;

Middle-aged, kind teachers (about 3 of them)
Mariah Carey (Lol. I wanted her to be my Mum)
People who smiled and were nice to me.
Fairytale romance.
Internet friends.
First or second dating meeting! (I never told them though! Lol)
Anyone who listens to me really, with interest.

I still get it now a LOT. Especially when people are nice to me. I sup it up like honey. I get so happy when someone likes me or compliments me or says that I am nice.

Progress with your T will help you get through that.

quote:
is that your brain KNOWS it NEEDS a safe attachment really badly in order to heal, so it's looking for that. It's just not too sure where it should look so it's going a bit overboard with it.

Poor brain

It just needs the fuel of luuuurrve

1/7/128:03 AM

❤️ 0

lieseMember

Hi Tessa,

Just wanted to pop in and say that I read somewhere that a part of being traumatized includes preoccupation with the perpetrator. That explained a lot to me about myself and made me feel so much better. Can you talk to your T about what is going on for you? Maybe until you resolve your trauma, you will continue to have these feelings and might just have to tolerate them? Small consolation I know.

1/7/128:14 AM

❤️ 0