Hi Avoidant,
I'm sure someone who knows far more about this than me will help you out, but I want you to know in the meantime that you're not alone, and to have your T on your mind so much might actually be therapeutic for you - to some extent.
The proverbial red flag (to me anyway) was what you said at the end about the preoccupation with her beginning to interfere with daily functioning. This happened to me with my T, and lasted weeks if not months, til I realized that FOR ME the thoughts went from being comforting to obsessive and very much affecting my daily goings-on. For me it meant needing to refocus on my husband and children and other responsibilities, while still managing to keep T close to my heart. It's been really hard to find and maintain that balance, in fact I've been feeling it slipping this week after spending some time out of town visiting my parents - can't help but wonder if there's a correlation there!

quote:

I have her picture on my mobile as a source of comfort between sessions. I have this irrational fear that something bad is going to happen to her somehow.

I really understand this. We don't want to lose what we cherish, right? My T almost died shortly after I started seeing him, and yeah, that hit hard.... He's fine now, but you better believe that somewhere in the lback of my mind, a question lingers. And yeah, I have pictures on my phone, too (they're on a website, actually). Seeing them is very grounding for me.

I hope you know you're not alone, and that the intensity wil probably ebb and flow.

Best wishes,
Starry

Greetings:

You are definitely not alone in your "obsession" with your T. I have had a couple of T's over the years but not until my current T did I experience exactly what you are experiencing. My T is very strict about boundaries which made it all the worse because then I wanted to know about her life so much more (and to be a part of it). She's getting married in the fall and I have been agonizing about that. Her Facebook page recently became public when she switched to the Timeline format and I don't think she realizes that. I spend WAY too much time checking out her posts and have learned probably way more than is healthy. But I can't seem to stop or tell her becasue I don't want the information source to be cut off. I don't know how long this will last as I have been seeing her about a year and it still is an obsession for me. Kudos to you for talking to her about your feelings. I have somewhat talked to mine about my "neediness" of her but I haven't told her the extent of my obsession as I fear she would run for the hills.

This is really hard and I hope that it diminishes as I forge stronger attachments to people who are actually part of my life. You are still early in the process so I hope you can keep working with her and that it will diminish for you too. Good luck.

Hi avoidant, welcome!

Yes, many here can probably relate to these feelings.

Even though I knew they were coming from the second week I met with him, and warned him, there was no real avoiding it. They did start to interfere with my daily functioning. I found accepting those feelings and the old, denied needs they represented (or as much as I have been able to) and knowing my T accepted them, being able to talk about them openly, made the most progress. In terms of going all week between a session without thinking about him, lol, I think I'd consider myself cured if I got to that point. I think about him throughout the day still, but it is no longer keeping me from focusing on other areas of my life unless I actually have something else painful going on that makes me want to reach out for his help.

Again, it's really good that you're talking to your T about all of this. I think talking it through with my T and his willingness to remind me, as many times as I needed, that he was there, felt positively about me, was not going anywhere, helped me relax a little bit more. I guess I'm saying that those feelings are there for a reason and relaxing enough about them to explore them without judgement together with your T, figure out where they come from, what they mean, will point you in the right direction.

Hi avoidant

This is the topic that got me looking for help and led me to this forum recently. I was comforted in knowing that many people here have also experienced transference like this. And it helped to know that it is normal. It sounds like you've already talked with your T about it, which in my opinion is the most important thing to do. And keep talking about it- it gets easier.

I am still struggling with feeling "obsessed" with my T, but I have talked to her about it and that was the best thing I could have done.
I still think about her every day, and the feeling of wanting to be near her is very intense at times. Some days it can be extremely distracting, and so painful that I have to cry.

But I think I am finally beginning to scratch the surface of what these feelings mean. And by doing that I am getting better at handling the pain that comes with the transference. It's one of the strangest, most painful, unexpected things I've ever experienced. But I think it will be okay as long as I can keep talking about it.

I hope you can be honest with your T about everything you are feeling. And I think you will find some comfort here as well- just know that you are normal and you are not alone!

Firstly, WELCOME!

Transference...mmmmm....know what you are going through, the T in your head 24/7, the feeling that something is going to cause you to lose her, the pain in your heart as you long for her - all of it and more.

It is just like Coco said...

quote:

It's one of the strangest, most painful, unexpected things I've ever experienced.

You are one up on me in that at least you had the courage to discuss it. At least you know you are not alone.

All the best on your road to recovery!

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for your kind responses, it means such a lot to me.
Talking about transference with my T. has never been a problem for me as I felt comfortable talking with her from our first session and she is happy to work through it with me, even if as she says, many of her colleagues would run a mile!!
I saw T. last night and told her I had been worried about her and she reassured me she was fine, so I'm feeling a lot better today.
Knowing that there are kind people like yourselves out there is a big help, and might just mean I don't have to pester my T. with e-mails between sessions. Thanks again.