...ok, i have to stop this sircus of mine, my mother just called and i dont even remember what she said, because all i was thinking about was my T. I seriously mix them up. Hearing my mothers voice makes me think of T, looking at dads face, makes me "see" T, talking to my T makes me think of my parents. am i going crazy?

Hi Frog,
It's really good to hear from you. Wow, I don't know how you're dealing with this at all, I think I would have run screaming from the room. There is NO way in the world I would want my T to be that close to someone that close to me, the fact that it's your parents has to compound the problem.

And no you're not going crazy! I'm actually impressed with how well your coping. The truth is that the theraputic relationship is unlike any other relationship we experience but it's closet to the parental one. They hold the same kind of authority and power our parents do, and it's a relationship focused on our needs, much like the one we're supposed to have with our parents. No wonder you're confused!!

What I find the most disturbing though is that they all seem ok with this. If I remember correctly, your parents are both Ps right? I can't believe that everyone involved is unaware of the cross currents created by this situation. They could at least refrain from socializing while you're actively working with this man.

I know it feels really scary to express all this, but I really think you need to at least talk to your P about this and let him know how this is affecting you. It's your therapy and I have no doubt that this situation will put a serious damper on your ability to be open and do the work you need to. Boundaries are there to protect both the therapist and the patient and that means that we stay out of their personal life and they engage in ours only in the theraputic space. You have every right to discuss this and find a solution which is comfortable for you.

AG

quote:

Like the 3 most important people in my life is "leaving me out"

I can absolutely see how this situation would make you feel that way! I'm sorry that you are being put in this position. I think that talking to your P about is probably going to be necessary or it will continue to build up and get in the way of your work. You are definitely not out of line for being so upset by this.

Froggy! It's so good to see you...I've been wondering where you disappeared to. I'm so sorry that you are missing Lamplighter so mcuh. We are too.

I think your situation is sooooo awful. I would be so upset by this, I would hardly know how to think straight! Poor Froggy! You should definitely tell you T how bad this situation is making you feel. But I can understand how complicated it is, and how hard it would be to talk about. (((((Froggy))))) You see your T quite frequently, don't you? That would make it doubly hard.

Froggy, I hope you will keep posting about because this is so hard.

Many comforting hugs,

BB

Dragenfly, thank you so much for letting me know- that was good news.. so long she`s doing Ok - despite the struggling with finding the right T- i am not worried. thanks Dragonfly, i am very reliefed to know!

Hey Frog,

I've read your post, but I don't have any time right now to reply. I just wanted to say that it's good to see you around again and I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with right now...please post as much as you need. We are here to listen and help in any way we can.

Many hugs,
Kashley

Hi Frog,

I hope you managed to have a good holiday.

This sounds like a really hard situation to be in . Your T socialising with your parents really takes the focus away from you...it's getting in the way of your work with T..understandably.

You say your T will probably dig and you won't say anything...can you perhaps write down how you feel if you feel you can't speak to him? You have every right to have your feelings heard...you are important. It makes me really sad that you feel left out by the 3 most important people in your life and I really hope that you will find a way to express this to get the support you need.

Butterfly

Blanket Girl, Attachment Girl, STRM and Blackbird-

its so good to hear from you all, i`ll want to try to comment to each of you- i am kind of stressed right now, as it is 2 hours until my session though...

BG- thanks for saying you missed me and i am not crazy. Its really good to me missed and thanks for asking about my Holliday- it was actually great, and despite the drama in Jerusalem (were i was) and the heated conflict, i enjoyed every moment and feel kind of proud that i`ve managed to feel joy..i cant remember the last time i actually enjoyed a vacation. Iàm gonna hold on to this experiene for a long time. How are you doing BG?


Attachment Girl, i`ve been thinking about you lately, the sinus-infection and the overtime working adding to not seeing your T for (it must be like 8 weeks soon?) a long time...wow. its amazing that you find some time responding to this right now. You are so right about me being confused about this relationships between my parents and my T- i have to comment on this:

quote:

What I find the most disturbing though is that they all seem ok with this. If I remember correctly, your parents are both Ps right? I can't believe that everyone involved is unaware of the cross currents created by this situation. They could at least refrain from socializing while you're actively working with this man.

quote:

yes, my parents are both shrinks/ or my father is a priest, but working more like a counselor right now (dont know the english term) so YES, they are definitly aware of the spescial cirkumstanses, and should know a great deal about how this might effect me. My mother thoes for sure, i guess thats why she "shelters" me from telling me anything about my T, and what they talk about etc, while day hang out. I really dont wanna be the one whom say "dont hang out", they are grown ups, and should do whatever they want, i dont think i am that *angry* at them (or i am not aware of my own anger about this), i cant blame them for wanting to hang out, and for sharing the same interest etc.. i just dont feel in the position to make any demands about this. And i have to take some part of the "blame" also, because i have never said out loud to mum or dad, that i find this disturbing. And i truly, truly, dont wanna be the "selfish" child whom "wants my T for myself" or anything..you know? - And with my T i get speachless and diconnected every time we touch into this subject (always after i found out that they have met, or travelled toghether or whatever conferances they contributed to together) But AG, do you seriously mean that what they are doing is wrong? i find that too hard to "accept", they dont do anything deliberat to harm me, i know that, they are really good persons, and mean well,- all 3 of them- and i feel like I AM the one whom making problems, not them... My T is very catious about boundaries in my Therapy, He`S old type psychoanalyst, so he hardly do self-disclosure, hardly texts, and has never let the relation to my parents interupt in the therapy-room. The boundaries are higly intact and set in my therapy, so this "friendship" they have, kind of stand out as the very exeption..i know i am defending them right now.. hm..Go figure, I do agree with you about me having the right to at least talk about this with my T, and maybe i will dare to today, i dont know yet. My T will be supportive about it, i always tries to undersntad me and my feelings, i dont know whats stopping me..yes, i do, i am just scared.. Thanks you so much AG for your understanding and support, i feel genuinly that you are "on my side" in this and that means alot. But i do also feel the need to "defend" my T and my parents socializing aslo.. I dont know if its right, i dont. If i cant tak to my T about this today, maybe i should at least start talking truly with my mum and dad about htis. Just let them handle it from there...

STRM, - thanks for making my feelings so legitime(?) and for seeing that i`ve been "Put in this position" - thats exactly how it feels. Like i am only this passive object.. its good to know i am not over-reacting, you guys know so much about the dynamics of therapy- patiens are in a way my best support right now. (contra my shrink-parents) As i wrote to AG, i might bring this up with my T today, and propably find some courrage to do that, by holding on to your supportly words too..

BLACKBIRD- its so nice to see you again too- i know you`ve are in very big strugglings with your T now, and just terminated (for good?) and that sort of shocked me to read, but i hope you are doing this for the right reasons..its genarous of you to reply to this now. Yes, Lamplighter are missed by meny of us i guess. I am sorry you miss her to, but as Dragenfly wrote, she is doing OK and that helps alot to know. Yes, bb, i do see my T 3 sessions pr week, so we have a very strong and intents relation in a way. that makes it both more easy to bring this up, and more complicated..i have major attachment/paternal transefernece going on with my T, and i do wonder aomtimes if this "firendship" with my parents makes it stronger..at least more complicated, as you said. I am glad you said i should keep posting about this, thats a good "medicine" to the guilty feelings for posting about this (again). Be good to your self too BB. - oh, btw: right back at ya: KEEP POSTING ABOUT YOU STUFF TOO! no need to apologize for writing "massive posters"- they are great btw.

Kashely and Butterfly- we cross-posted! Didnt mean to ignore your posters! Thanks both of you too- its kind of overwheming all this support, kashley- its nice of you to "drop in" and gosh how wonderful it is to hear that i can post more about this.. i feel kind of bottomless when i write about this..like i constantly change meanings and views on this, all along as i write..typically me. or typically confused mind? You helped already Kashley. Hope you are doing Ok too.

Butterfly- i am proud to say that my holliday was good! I wasnt totally obsessed with the absent of my T, and i found myself "forget" about therapy-stuff and not think of my T all the time, so this holliday stands out to me, as a proof that i am able to handle and cope on my own..
Yes, sometimes the socialising takes away the focus, and no doubt it makes me confused (my posters are a livin`proof of my cross-meanings and back and forth blaming and defending the 3 of them) but i try to think of it also as i opportunity to understand and learn from this feelings that accours while the 3 of them hang out, y`no?

Yes, my T will maybe dig for more about this today (soon actually, gosh- iàm in a hurry actually) - but only if I bring it up first. I cant wirte about this to him, this is such a thing that i need to TALK about, WITH him, in order to check his respond and so, i want this to be i dialoge between me and him. But thanks for the advice- usually i do write lettesr if there are thinkgs i dont dare to say. Oh, and Butterfly, dont be too sad about this for my sake- i am doing OK, and despite that i do feel abit "shut out" form them sometimes, i do cope pretty well, and i want to handle this in a mature and "grown up" way. I guess talking about this, and allow them to see this from my perspective- is the first task and step.

..arrg. i have a big mouth, I`ll bet i wont manage to say anything.. *wish me luck!* and thanks again folks! You` are all so great!

quote:

I can't believe that everyone involved is unaware of the cross currents created by this situation. They could at least refrain from socializing while you're actively working with this man.

I 100 percent agree with this statement of AG. Dearest Froggy...won't it be very difficult for you to actively work with your P on issues that you have with your parents, if you know they are so friendly and socializing all the time...don't you think? I guess I do think that they should fully recognize this dynamic, and refrain from actively socializing...kind of they are compromising your freedom to speak about them to your T- and I don't know anybody who doesn't have major issues with their parents...especially at your age (you are still young, I think?) in a way, they are compromising your freedom to speak, and yes, putting you into a very difficult "position" of having to be "the bad guy" if you say anything about your needs. I know they all three care about you, and are good people...but it just seems like under the circumstances, your legitimate needs should have been *seen* by these 3 professionals -and protected- here. However, maybe you can learn to stand up to the three you value the most- to get your needs met by them? If they are caring, they will understand...especially if you ask with the heart, and reasonably. That will be VERY difficult.

Did the 3 socialize a lot before you entered therapy, Froggy? I'm just asking that, or if this is a new development. That seems important information to think about...if they have just started to socialize, then...why, are they doing this? To protect their reputation,(? maybe) very understandbale in a parent, but in this case very wrong behavior. I am afraid to say too much, but if this is the case, it is a concern because it seems like your parents could be subconsciously trying to force a situation where you "keep their secrets" (the secrets of the mistakes that they inevitably made as parents, (all parents make them, and serious ones often) do you know what I mean? Perhpas, they are embarassed, and wouldn't want you to reveal their parental flaws-especially as parents that are P's-...to a colleague that they know...it could be one reason why they are doing this socializing. If that is the case, then, you *especially* have every right to be angry. The other question is, who is paying for your therapy...that is something that would also make your situation most terribly difficult, painful and awkward, if your parents are helping to pay. You would feel it almost impossible, I would think, to speak to someone they know about the mistakes they have made that hurt you. They should realize all of this stuff- and not put you into this helpless position. In my opinion. But I do think that you can work with the situation, most likely, because it's not insurrmountable- if you are very strong, in being able to speak to you T. Especially if your dear T is open to talking freely about *everything* you are feeling and thinking about the situation. This could be "the therapy" as they say.

Keep on posting, Froggy...it's really good to have you back. You've been missed.

Love,

BB

ps, I *think* I am just taking a break for awhile. I haven't heard from my T. He might be able to come up with some other option, rather than a break. If so, I'll stay. Thanks for asking...

Dear Blackbird,

again; i dearly appreciate your insight and questions. Your poster are so honest and well-intended, thank you, i understand though, that i have to make some corrections and make my self more clear about the whole thing, I tend to think that i might have drawen a too "dramatic" picture about the circumstances..

quote:

I 100 percent agree with this statement of AG. Dearest Froggy...won't it be very difficult for you to actively work with your P on issues that you have with your parents, if you know they are so friendly and socializing all the time...don't you think? I guess I do think that they should fully recognize this dynamic, and refrain from actively socializing...kind of they are compromising your freedom to speak about them to your T- and I don't know anybody who doesn't have major issues with their parents...especially at your age (you are still young, I think?)

quote:

...ok, so, this is hard to talk about, and i feel a bit sad about the "harshness" of this statment. I dont seem to "see" the mistakes that would substansiate this statment. i am gonna try to just write down the facts about the "nature" of this relationship- and try to be objective about it.

1. About 2 years ago, a shrink and teacher, that i trust, adviced me to seek Ps.X (my T). I immidiatly recongnized the name, and knew this man- my T- was kind of a collega with my parents. I asked mum and dad about it, and said i had contacted him and that i T had offored to see me.

2. My mum and dad immidiatly said, that they supported me, and said i had "found the best shrink" and that i was very lucky to have met him. I asked what kind of relation they had, and mum said that they were familiar with each other, but not friends, and that my T once had been at our place, during a conferance they were at together. They were open about it and dad actually told me, spesificly that he hoped and wanted me to feel totally free to speak about them in my Therapy. And so i did too. I have talket ALOT about my parents in therapy, espescially my dad, and i`ve honestly felt (feel?) free and welcome and accepted to speak open about anything regard to my parents, both the good and the bad stuff.

3. The first session with T, he asked me, if i was the daughter of x and x (mum and dad) as he recognized my name, and told me he knew them a bit- i said i was familiar with the info, and asked if he thought they were going to meet again in the future. He answered that it could be, yes, and reffered to a conferance that was a possible meeting- point. I totally accepted the whole thing, and felt kind of close to my T, because of this.

4. Now, after almost to years later, they have met in different contexts, about 10 times i would guess. At least. The most critical "hang out" was that they travelled together to Russia (a long way from here) the 4 of them- my mum and dad and my T and his wife, to contribute on a big psychotherapy- conferance. So this was partly work-related, partly vacation. And once, a year ago, my T was invited home to my parents house (i moved out 3 years ago- hehe, yes bb, i am kind of young i guess ) my child-hood home. hm..yeah, all of the meetings they had, has both freaked me out, yet i have always felt kind of "closer" to my T because of this, (i know alot more about him than his other patients and so on) and yet still "shut out". Thats the paradox and the confuzion.

5. My T have never told me anything about the meetings, or the gatherings or the plans to meet with my parents. Only answered my questions about it, when i have dared to ask. My mum and dad have different approaches to this, when i ask them now. My mum wont tell me anything, because she wont "disturbe the relation" and dont think its important for me to know when/where/why thei meet etc. I am 100 prosent sure, she means well, and try to "protect me" by not sharing anything about it. My dad is more open, and kind of likes to talk to me about my T, because he is fan of him too, and are interested in the relation...
Nobody pays for the therapy btw. I`ts all covered by the health-care(?) thing.. I agree, it would be alot more complcated if my parents did pay for this too...gosh

oh, and one more thing; i actually have a feeling that my T thinks i like this "friendship" and that i feel more "spescial" to him, closer to him, because of this. And that, this connection with my parents are the reason i developed such intens and strong trust in him from the very beginning. Maybe his right??.. is it possible that there are meny things true at once?

ok, dunno if it made anything clearer at all, this are just the "facts" i managed to come up with right now. I am truly curious and yet scared of what you think about this now, if you still think this relation is inpropriate?? If so- what the heck am i suppose to do? But from the buttom of my heart; i dont think any of them wants to/tries to/ put me in a hard position. My T always encourrage me to speak, and shows himself professional, in that sense, that he is able to listen to me talking about my parents, yet see them in a private setting, in HIS way. I do think he manage to make the distinguish.

ps: And BB- i hope your T will come up with an other option if thats what you hope for, deep down, so that you can cuntinue. You havent heard from him yet? is that the normal?..if not, maybe he`s using the time to think through the options... Take good care bb, and thakns again for the long and engaged answer.

My session today started out with a record long silence. I couldnt speak up, and after a while my T asked if i was sad about something. I said Yes, and than i used the rest of the session, sidetracking BIG TIME, about something else. I might manage tomorrow.

Hi, Froggy...first, let me apologize for my questions making you sad, although it is maybe part and parcel of making these clarifications. I did not intend to sound harsh about your parents or your P. After reading your very honest clarification, I can see that everyone here, your parents and P is seemingly not at fault for the way the situation is playing out. (just my opinion, maybe others will weigh in with what they think) And it seems that they are being very honest, and aloowing yourself to express all of your feelings about your parents to your P, both good, and bad. That is very good to hear! that was actually, my main concern, and it does seem from what you have written, that you are allowed to be open to your P about your parents.

Hm, it just seems like you are in a difficult situation, through nobody's fault. But, in exploring all of your sad feelings with your T, you will come to understand important things about yourself, and your relations to your parents, and your T, and others, I am sure. It just, will be very hard to open up about...of course! Take your time, breathe, no rush. Just be you, Froggy. It will be ok. There is something important in the sadness, that you need badly to find out and discuss and feel with your T, but that is probably very tender pain, and may hurt a lot if you talk about it! But as my own T would say, "it is not wrong to hurt a little bit." (Though it hurts- and I'm sorry for that!)(((((Froggy))))

I hope this helps a little bit. I'm sorry it sounded so harsh to you, Froggy...I know that they are not being mean or cruel, but you also are not making up how you feel about this, though. and how you feel is valid and important.

hugs,

BB

NO, NO! no need to apologize! I meant every word, that i appreaciate the honest reply, and i wount allow you to apologize actually, your poster has only made me think and feel more secure about what i do feel about this CASE (even though part of it is sadness, - and yes- i think also thats kind of a key- feeling to understand this, and i am thankful that i know that now, its become more clear to me).

and thanks for sharing your T`S wisdom with me

quote:

as my own T would say, "it is not wrong to hurt a little bit."

quote:

(...)but you also are not making up how you feel about this, though. and how you feel is valid and important.

quote:

You kind of sound like MY T here BeeBee.
And BB, i just wanted to say that i have decided to talk to my parents about this the next time they call to "check in" with me, and if my T comes up as an topic, i will let them know how i feel, and tell them i sort of struggle with sadness when they hang out, and that i would like them to show me that they also understand that, and tell them that i have the right to feel whatever i feel about it. That will be in good spirit to the current qotes here that you gave me

(((BB)))

(((((Froggy))))

Sounds like a good plan you have there! In the meantime, keep posting as much as you find helpful to yourself, about all of your feelings and thoughts! We are very happy you are here!

BB

((((((Froggy))))))

I am sorry that you are having a rough time, although I can see how that would cause that. I think it is great that you will discuss this with your T.

I DID IT

I just came form session with my T (10 minuts ago) and i told him, after a small gently push from him, EVERYTHING i have thought about and struggle about this case - with him meeting my parents, and how the "dinner-gathering" with my parents last friday made me feel. And all the other soscial hang outs as well actually.

I am SO reliefed. And no suprise, my T took it all so great. First he was very quit and just listen to my vague speach and my silence about it, then he kind of took on a more active role, thanked me for bringing it up, and told me he understood all my feelings, and encourraged me to talk further about it.

He actually also did a self-disclosure. (He hardly does) to valid my feelings.
I am so thankful right now, and thanks again everyone for your support.

Of course some emberrasing stuff came up also, my jelaousy of my parents.- and my T- i think on purpose- triggered me to show some anger, as he said in respons to me(...) "yes- they have seen my house..., sat in my chairs... spend the evening with me, drank my wine and eaten my food...yes?" "ah- RUB IT IN- EECK! - thats disgusting." "yes..." It was in a funny-angry tone though, and it felt good to say.

That is so, so great, Frog! You're very brave for being able to bring it up at all, gentle push or no gentle push. I'm glad that your T responded so well and was so willing to do what he needed to validate your feelings.

Awww (((((( Frog ))))))

You made my day wondering where I was - thankyou so much for your concern that really makes me feel all warm and fuzzy (and bad too for just disappearing without saying anything - sorry.)

Thanks too Draggers for explaining - I haven’t even been reading forum for some days so I didn’t see this post until now - that was nice of you to speak up for me. I appreciate it

Hey Frog you’re in a pretty fraught position there - I can imagine if I were in the same position, having a T who was on pretty close terms with my family, I would be getting quite paranoid about it all. Your T must be pretty confident in his therapeutic skills to work with you while at the same time knowing your parents so well. I would have thought generally that would be seen as a ‘conflict of interests’ - though there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work - the worst part of it is the impact it is having on YOU.

But from what you’ve said about your T, it sounds as if he’s eminently capable of separating out therapy from personal life and so it’s no problem for him.

Ha ha I was just in the middle of writing this when I read your latest post about having been able to talk to him about it all - WAY TO GO FROG!!!!

That is so good that you not only talked about it, but that he heard you properly. I am so pleased for you! And bit by bit the real feelings underneath are coming out too (how you feel about him - good for you for being able to bring some of them up.) I’m also glad you’ve decided to talk to your parents about it as well - it’s not that anyone can DO anything about it, but it’s so important that how it’s making you feel is heard and understood.

Can I ask a couple of things? Does the fact that your T and parents know each other so well affect what you reveal in therapy? Does it make you uncomfortable talking to T about your parents, knowing that he knows them? Does it stop you being as open and honest about your relationship with them as you otherwise might be? I think I would be scared to say too many negative things - I hope it doesn’t affect you that way though. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your parents anyway - so maybe you don’t have that many negative things to say about them!

I’m glad you had a good holiday - I expect you’re all fit and ready to tackle therapy again having had a nice break

Big hugs to you Frog

LL


p.s. do you know about the Private Messaging function on here? It's where people can send each other messages privately, a bit like email except that it's through the forum itself.

LAMPLIGHTER

HOW DAMN GREAT TO SEE YOU`RE BACK HERE- !! Gosh, that made my day too (added to the good session before today.) and you- no, i didnt know there was this private message-thing on here- i`m such a computer retard anyway- thanks for letting me know!

Its feel good to "have you back" here, knowing also from Draggers that you are doin OK, but hearing directly from you is really the best. now the forum feels more like "home" again in a way.

Partly i feel that lot of this thread are finished "stuff" in one way now, sinse i HAVE expressed lots of this in my session today, as you know, (and thanks all of you for crediting me for manage that talking-part, Kashley and Blanket Girl- thank you both again for "following up").

I`ll love to answer your questions- they are very essential in this case- and i`ll try to answer them honestly Lamplighter. It seems like you have read the whole thing (creds to you for bother) going on here and "get this" conflict. and i do honestly also think that my T is capable of seperating therapy out from personal life, so this aint no problem for HIM. He told me this today. (again) but he was more concerned about how this all effects ME. and i really do feel understood- not just in a passive-non verbal way, he did say out loud that he was glad i told him about it. And maybe what meant most to me, was that he said sinsere, that he understood how i could feel "shut out" and therefor jelaous and sad. Its true that it aint anything to DO about this, they will propably still meet some times, but then i know now, from learing, that i can and are welcome to express whatever i feel about it in therapy- all the anger/sadness/frustration about it. He could only answer for himself of course, not for my parents, but i have a pretty good idea of how they "handle" this too, and how they will respond when(if) i talk to them about this. (gulp, i kind of hesitate to talk to them about it now, as the need kind of faded away after talking to T about it..)

quote:

Can I ask a couple of things? Does the fact that your T and parents know each other so well affect what you reveal in therapy? Does it make you uncomfortable talking to T about your parents, knowing that he knows them? Does it stop you being as open and honest about your relationship with them as you otherwise might be? I think I would be scared to say too many negative things - I hope it doesn’t affect you that way though. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your parents anyway - so maybe you don’t have that many negative things to say about them!

quote:

Does it affect what i reveal in therapy... Honestly? yes, probably it does. BUT, i talk a lot about my mum and dad in therapy, and i dont see how any T- knowing my parents or not- would not affect what i reveal, you`no? I know for sure that it was MUCH HARDER to open up and talk about my parents with my previous T (a woman) whom had no qlue about them in personal life. In a way, it actally makes me more comfortable to talk about my parents, because i know my T also (likes them) know them- so i dont have to explain everything in detail. And knowing that my T and my parents likes each other, kind of make me feel more secure and safe also. Its like a safety-net of mine: "ok, he likes my parents, so maybe i can trust that he likes me too?" hmm... something to work more on here i guess.

And LL, sometimes it does makes me uncomfortable talking about negative stuff about my parents. But in general i have a very good relation to them both, so thats why i guess, this aint a big problem for me, or them, or my T. I told my T that today, and he said he undersood that, but also said that HE wouldnot at all be uncomfortable about what i revealded, no matter what. I told him i generally feel very free and safe talking about negative stuff about my parents, and that i wanted it to still be like that in therapy. Due to me bringing this issues up, instead of letting it become the famous "therapy- elephant" in the room. And i have never had that impression either- that he feels in conflict when i say negative stuff about them- it really looks like my T manage (i dont really understand how though) to do the seperation work here... Sometimes that actually enoyes me- how he manage to be so proff about it, while i cant. I told him that also today. I think he felt kind of bad to hear me say that though, because he moved his body/position the way he does sometimes, when he gets "striked" or feel "hit" by something i tell him... i dunno. it was so meny nuances and intensity in the session today, i kind of cant wait to get back there monday to finish what we started there today. Because i do have plenty more questions for my T about all this!
Did i answer your questions LL? Oh, and btw- i tend to think that if one of you guys was in this position- havin a T whom was soscially involved with your parents, i would also see some "red flags" and questioning the professionality maybe... i appreciate that these questions have been arised on this thread, it has helped me to valid my own questions and feelings too, and to be able to ask all these questions again in my therapy.

(and i have to admit that i think of it as a great concern that this question have been arisen. and i am impressed about how aware everyone here seem to be about this boundaries-stuff, and how everyone seem to undertand the importance of intact and healthy boundaries!! I learn so much from being here!)

((((LAMPLIGHTER)))

OK I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I think this therapy relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh; I certainly don't mean it as a criticism of YOU, Frog, but rather your parents and your T.

I don't know what country you're in, so maybe the culture is significantly different from mine, or maybe you're in a very small town and these kinds of overlaps are inevitable... But in the United States, this would be the very definition of inappropriate dual relationship. You might as well be in therapy with one of your parents!

From the get-go, your parents should have said, "No. Don't do therapy with him. He's a good therapist, but there is a conflict of interest/privacy because we interact professionally. See someone we don't know." or at least once you started therapy, they should have all had the sense to avoid each other at professional functions, and not socialize AT ALL.

quote:

I feel so trapped in a triangle, that i havent chosen..
my mother just called and i dont even remember what she said, because all i was thinking about was my T. I seriously mix them up. Hearing my mothers voice makes me think of T, looking at dads face, makes me "see" T, talking to my T makes me think of my parents

quote:

i just dont feel in the position to make any demands about this. And i have to take some part of the "blame" also, because i have never said out loud to mum or dad, that i find this disturbing. And i truly, truly, dont wanna be the "selfish" child whom "wants my T for myself" or anything..you know?

quote:

i actually have a feeling that my T thinks i like this "friendship" and that i feel more "spescial" to him, closer to him, because of this. And that, this connection with my parents are the reason i developed such intens and strong trust in him from the very beginning

quote:

In a way, it actally makes me more comfortable to talk about my parents, because i know my T also (likes them) know them- so i dont have to explain everything in detail. And knowing that my T and my parents likes each other, kind of make me feel more secure and safe also. Its like a safety-net of mine: "ok, he likes my parents, so maybe i can trust that he likes me too?" hmm... something to work more on here i guess

Reading all this, I wonder if one of your therapy issues is about being in an enmeshed relationship with your parents? (I have no idea why you're in therapy. This is a question, not an accusation. ) Do you have problems separating yourself/your identity from them? If this is the case, then it seems you've moved beyond the realm of "transference" (most of us feel transference for our T who has never met anyone in our family), and instead he's become like a co-parent to you with your mom and dad. You have 3 shrinks AND 3 parents. I'm probably not doing a very good job explaining what I mean by this; I don't have the gift of language that AG has. But can someone here see what I mean?

OK I was interrupted and had to post quickly without finishing my thought. So let's see if I can clarify what I was trying to say...

I wonder if on some level you are choosing to stay with this T, even though you are uncomfortable with the relationship he has with your parents, because it reinforces some over-involvement your parents have in your life? Do they have you "under their thumb"? Are you resisting growing up and separating from them? Do they resist letting you go?

From an outside perspective, it would seem the healthiest thing to do would be to break off this therapy relationship and start a new one with a complete stranger, someone who doesn't know you or your family. But I know this is hard to do. Believe me, I know.

quote:

OK I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I think this therapy relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen

(.....)
But in the United States, this would be the very definition of inappropriate dual relationship. You might as well be in therapy with one of your parents!

(....)
I wonder if on some level you are choosing to stay with this T, even though you are uncomfortable with the relationship he has with your parents, because it reinforces some over-involvement your parents have in your life? Do they have you "under their thumb"? Are you resisting growing up and separating from them? Do they resist letting you go?

From an outside perspective, it would seem the healthiest thing to do would be to break off this therapy relationship and start a new one with a complete stranger, someone who doesn't know you or your family. But I know this is hard to do. Believe me, I know.

quote:

Dear echo, i have read, and reread, and read again and again your words. I am partly speachless and hurt and sad and angry, i dunno.

I do appreciate your different point of view on this, yet i dont even know were to begin to explain my selv and how to answe your question...

There is no way NO WAY - i am gonna stop seing my T because of this. I dunno if you have read my previous replies on this thread, where i explain the "friendship" and therapy reatuon with my T, more nuanced than in the first poster?

...i just simply cant or wont believe that my therapy is a "train wreck"...

...its the most precious thing i have, the most healing, helping relation i have ever been in, and i have gained healt from to 2 years i have worked with my T. I started therapy for both vague reasons, a depression and angst and a existential crises. Caused partly by the moving-out and seperation from my home and my parents.

the way i see all this now, is still, despite SOME issues (that i CAN handle and talk to my T about) that there IS A HELTHY HEALING RELATION with strict and good boundaries, whom my T does hold on to with great concern and proffesionality. I know the threads name, "trapped between my T and my parents" must seem like i am thinking the opposite though, but i have talked about this with my T,(again) and i see no reasons to blame nor my parents or my T for this.

Ècho, i know i havent managed to answe your questions,i have to take a break now and come back later for more. And echo- i know for sure that your poster is well-ment and written out of concern and i am thankful for your insight, i do think you have explained your self and your view on this very accurate and understandable, i just dont agree with your conclution. To quit. Nor that i am incapable of working with my T, and develope a traseference that can be fruitful and therapeutic. I live in a contry with the same tradition as in the states, and my T has worked as a psychotherapist in more than 40 years so he does have the skills and the knowlidge to handle this too. I`ve explained this more detailed in another respnse here on this thread.

But undoubtly you have arised some questions and interprets that have disturbed me and made me think again, and probably "hit a nale"- i just havent figured out yet, if thats because you are rifht about your assumptions and questions, or if i just feel sad because you are questioning the best and most important thing in my life; my parents and my therapist, you`no? I gained hope and joy in my life because i started in therpay with HIM, and that gift is too precious to just throw away. And IMO there will be a big mistake to quit this, over reasons i have been aware of sinse i atarted. Its not a problem, its just one of many issues i talk about in therapy. And i will and can handle this too. echo- please let me know if you still hold on to your notion about my therapy- bacause if so, i am temted to print out your poster and give it to my T to read, and to get a second opinion.. I do am very interested and curuious about how other people thin about this.
(if you dont mind of course? )
tthanks again echo. (and creds to you for going against the grain here, saying what you mean!)

It certainly is brave to go against the grain and say what one really thinks...gulp, so I am going to do the same thing. Under the circumstances I can't help wishing I was someone else on the forum, right now, but that's ok! I'm going to go for it. I want to be brave, too. Froggy, and echo, I think we have to be *very* careful not to try to diagnose a person's situation as if we are therapists ourselves...though I think we all tend to do that to some extent...for sure, but it's a bit of a "wake up call" in this case, for me, to make sure not to do that. We are friends and support for what one another are going through and trying to decide. I think even a therapist who knows us very intimately, is extremely careful not to say anything about a situation that would be seeming to intend to "make a decision for a person." And, Froggy's therapist sees her two and three times a week, has 40 years of experience, and is more knowledgeable about her situation with her parents, and with himself- than any of us on this forum will ever be. I think we should keep that in mind. I don't think the issue was ever about Froggy thinking of leaving her lovely T, but rather, that she is trying to gain some support here in being able to speak honestly to all the parties involved, about how the situation is making her feel. She is learning a valuable life-skill, and is in a very tender place. Sometimes people end up in situations that are "less than ideal" through no real fault of their own. Even these situation can happen with knowledgeable parties. I think of my T...that I meet him on the computer screen- not best situation for my therapy, for sure, and he is very much an expert in his field, is aware of this imperfection- but is *still allowing it.* People weren't thinking about all the aspects of it when the original decision was made, because we are imperfect and human, and sometimes everything doesn't occur to us at the time, or we think, we would like to give it a try and see if the good outweighs the bad in the situation. But, sometimes, we have to go with the original decision, in spite of it's imperfection, because the "good" of the decision may end up far outweigh the imperfections. Then we must learn how to deal with the imperfections and agonies therein. Or, if it becomes far too painful, or the bad in the situation begins to outweigh the good, than we can decide *for ourselves* at that point to cut our losses and move away from the person or situation. But, I think it's good that echo has posted what she did, especially if you are able to use it as information about how you feel, Froggy.
All of this is just my opinion, of course, but *at least from what she has posted here*, Froggy seems like she is able to deal with this imperfect situation without it "putting her over the edge." However, only she, and her therapist know that for sure. Also it might not be a good idea to assume or suggest without knowing a person intimately, that they have an unhealthy or "enmeshed" relationship with their parents. It can be hard enough to discern that mote in our own eye, without trying to pluck it out of someone else's- whom we know only on the internet.

But, Froggy, keep in mind this is just another perspective. I think it is probably a very good idea to print out your thread or parts of it, and share it with your T, because there is so much here, both from what echo has posted, yourself, and the others here...that really tells you a lot about the situation and gives you information from many different angles.

Many hugs, and no disrespect to any parties involved, whose intentions are clearly out of concern, -is intended!

(((Froggy))))

BB

A ZILLION TIMES THANKS BEEBEE!!!!! those words wore healing and kind of balsam to my soul right now...`I`ll come back fo more, i just have to find out which part of your poster i will qote- (you have such a caring and respectful way to speak to me, and about htis case, i am moved and deeply thankful for the way you have summarized allt his, i would not managed that task right now, thanks for doing it for me Beebee. I needed that wise third eye- on all this now, to summarize all this for me, in order to gain some perspective and controll again. You are a wise one to see "throgh" all this. thats for sure.

quote:

We are friends and support for what one another are going through and trying to decide. I think even a therapist who knows us very intimately, is extremely careful not to say anything about a situation that would be seeming to intend to "make a decision for a person." And, Froggy's therapist sees her two and three times a week, has 40 years of experience, and is more knowledgeable about her situation with her parents, and with himself- than any of us on this forum will ever be. I think we should keep that in mind. I don't think the issue was ever about Froggy thinking of leaving her lovely T, but rather, that she is trying to gain some support here in being able to speak honestly to all the parties involved, about how the situation is making her feel. She is learning a valuable life-skill, and is in a very tender place. Sometimes people end up in situations that are "less than ideal" through no real fault of their own. Even these situation can happen with knowledgeable parties.

quote:

Yes, this is the core i guess. thank you, this is really helpful and true all of it...the text stands best alone, it needs no further comments from me i think. this too:

quote:

But, sometimes, we have to go with the original decision, in spite of it's imperfection, because the "good" of the decision may end up far outweigh the imperfections. Then we must learn how to deal with the imperfections and agonies therein. Or, if it becomes far too painful, or the bad in the situation begins to outweigh the good, than we can decide *for ourselves* at that point to cut our losses and move away from the person or situation. But, I think it's good that echo has posted what she did, especially if you are able to use it as information about how you feel, Froggy.
All of this is just my opinion, of course, but *at least from what she has posted here*, Froggy seems like she is able to deal with this imperfect situation without it "putting her over the edge." However, only she, and her therapist know that for sure. Also it might not be a good idea to assume or suggest without knowing a person intimately, that they have an unhealthy or "enmeshed" relationship with their parents.

quote:

i do have a good relation wiht my parents, and i count that as a blessing. And like everyone else i guess, there are issues also, but thats a part of every relation isnt it? - and something that just belongs to life and a part of human living.

yes. I am handling this, and i think i am doing all the right things, talking about it, showing it some interest. thanks again Beebee. And everyone who have supported and offored theire view at this.

I wasn't "diagnosing" Frog, I was asking a question. Read my words again, Blackbird.

quote:

Reading all this, I wonder if one of your therapy issues is about being in an enmeshed relationship with your parents? (I have no idea why you're in therapy. This is a question, not an accusation.)

I think maybe I am missing the point of this forum. Are we just supposed to smile and nod sympathetically and pat each other on the back and agree with everything? Is no one interested in further exploration of their therapy issues or in hearing outside ideas/observations? If you all want to just keep swimming around in your own heads and not question anything, then I will gladly bow out of your conversations. Is this what you're doing with your therapists? It might explain why so many people on here seem to have been in therapy for years and appear to be getting worse, not better.

Echo,
You seriously need to chill and stop lashing out every time someone doesn't agree with how you see a situation. And yeah, I do think we're here more for support and understanding than we are for confrontation. And if do want to question or point out something difficult, we need to be pretty gentle when we do so. People are risking a lot of vulnerability to talk about their problems there and I do think extra gentleness is required.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Your crack about "years and years of therapy" probably ticked me off considering how long I spent in it so take what I said with a grain of salt.

FWIW, when I read your post, I did "hear" that you said you were only asking, but I also came away thinking your post was kind of agressive, especially after Frog, obviously concerned and upset that she had unfairly portrayed her parents and her P, explained more about the situation to put things in a better light.

Frog,
Sorry I didn't make it back sooner, and reply after reading your subsequent post. I felt more like I understood your situation after you explained it and I apologize if you felt I was attacking your parents or P, I was being protective of you. I have reservations, but agree with BB, that you know a lot more than we do. And again, my concern is that this can be discussed with your P. It's not a situation I would like to find myself in, but that may be because my own relationship with my parents is not good (I was estranged from my father from the age of 11 until 39, when he died and talk to mother a few times a year, we live 1200 miles apart) so that the thought of my parents and T talking is utterly terrifying. I'm glad you were able to speak to your P about it.

AG

echo? i meant it sinsere when i wrote thank you for your reply and your questions..right? i DO AM VERY INTERESTED in furhter exploration on every part of my issues- due to why i started this thread in the first place. Even though i dont fully agree with the content of your poster, i am always thankful for second thoughts and others point of view and observations. and this question you`ve qoted, is of course welcome as any other. Its a very good one as well.

..echo- would you elaborate on what you just wrote? you seem angry, and misunderstood..?

quote:

You seriously need to chill and stop lashing out every time someone doesn't agree with how you see a situation.

Seriously AG, she wasn't lashing out???? SO rude...

quote:

than we are for confrontation

Confrontation?? She was pointing things out that Frog might not have noticed.. That's not confrontation in the slightest!



Echo-

quote:

I think maybe I am missing the point of this forum. Are we just supposed to smile and nod sympathetically and pat each other on the back and agree with everything? Is no one interested in further exploration of their therapy issues or in hearing outside ideas/observations?

Exactly, Echo, and thanks for saying this/being honest about it. I wonder the same thing a lot because I am here for furter exploration and everything else that you said, but I guess no one else is. (maybe not no one, but the majority) And that's okay, it's just not what I was hoping for I guess.

quote:

It might explain why so many people on here seem to have been in therapy for years and appear to be getting worse, not better.

Maclove,
I'm sorry but I did see this as an attack, and didn't want to let it go. I do believe that it's important to be honest here, which is what I was doing. May I comment that the people who proclaim most loudly that they are here for a vigorous give and take also seem to be the quickest to get hostile when it happens to them.

I am NOT trying to start a flame war, and Echo, I apologize if I sounded too harsh. That's why I said what I did about being angry as I realized there's a VERY good chance I am overreacting. I just didn't want to let this pass.

Maclove, I'm glad that you spoke up to protest what you saw as a rude action.

AG

K good, glad we feel the same way because I didn't want to just let it go either

AG- thanks for dropping in now. I dont know whats going on here, my english also happens to lack so i dont know if i am missing something here going on subtile or something?

Thanks for you support again- its so, so good to have it, and there is no need to apologize AG, i felt sinsere your concern and wasnt at all offended, yet the opposite, i know you protected me and that was helpful. All your support and thoughts- even though people here have given different views on this - i tink this topic forces that, sinse we have so different relationships with our parents, and every one have their own relation in mind, as they give advices here.
Yes, AG, i am also proud and glad i brought this up again with my T, and got the reassuranses i needed form him, and to ask the questions i needed. We are having a good, honest, open tone about this. Its good to hear from you AG. I admire your acchivments and hard-working in your therapy.

Its true that i am mostly here for support, and not for confrontation, therapy is such a important and hard-working engagment in my life, i can deal with confrontations in my therapy, as a part of my healing- but here on forum i am mostly looking for advices, and support. Its not the opposite of working hard, and being willing to exploore things, echo.
and Echo- i have actually plans to work in therapy for a long time, maybe it takes years, sometimes it feels like i am getting worse or stuck, but my hope is that also that is a part of the over-all healing process.

ops, cross-posting with you guys..
are we OK here?

quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
FULL DISCLOSURE: Your crack about "years and years of therapy" probably ticked me off considering how long I spent in it

AG

AG, obviously I wasn't talking about you, since you are one of few (very few) people on this site who has had good therapy with good results. Your T is the ideal. Do you think you would have had the same results if he was taking vacations and attending dinner parties with your parents??

I sometimes wonder, Where is this Shrinklady, and why doesn't she speak up? when I read threads like this. This is NOT a healthy therapy dynamic. It's crazy. There needs to be a voice of reason on this site.

Frog, I understand that you love and adore your T and are getting good feelings out of this relationship. People get positive benefits from all sorts of relationships. That doesn't make it therapy. I'm glad to hear you entertaining the idea that this might be something to explore further.

quote:

Originally posted by Maclove:

quote:

You seriously need to chill and stop lashing out every time someone doesn't agree with how you see a situation.

Seriously AG, she wasn't lashing out???? SO rude...

quote:

than we are for confrontation

Confrontation?? She was pointing things out that Frog might not have noticed.. That's not confrontation in the slightest!



Echo-

quote:

I think maybe I am missing the point of this forum. Are we just supposed to smile and nod sympathetically and pat each other on the back and agree with everything? Is no one interested in further exploration of their therapy issues or in hearing outside ideas/observations?

Exactly, Echo, and thanks for saying this/being honest about it. I wonder the same thing a lot because I am here for furter exploration and everything else that you said, but I guess no one else is. (maybe not no one, but the majority) And that's okay, it's just not what I was hoping for I guess.

Thanks MacLove. I really am confused about this whole site. It sometimes seems like people don't want to get better, and are only encouraging others to continue in unhealthy ways.

Frog,
Everything's fine, we're just having a slightly heated disagreement (which must be terrifying to read in a second language.) You're not doing anything wrong.

Echo,
I realize you didn't direct it towards me now as I am no longer in therapy but I WAS in therapy for over 22 years and what I actually thought was how would I have felt if someone had said that to me at year 15?

I am also clearer reading this post that you are coming from a place of concern about the situation that Frog is in, but to me, and may I again emphasize, I could most certainly be wrong here, there is a definitiveness about what you're saying that lacks an awareness that your take on the situation may not be the correct one or that you may lack knowledge that would provide you with a different perspective. I think that's part of why we don't hear from Shrinklady. In some ways, none of us are in any position to to make decisions about another person's therapy. I think it's important when voicing my opinion, and especially when it is one I know may be seen as a criticism, that I approach it with humility, and with a keen awareness that I am human and have my own blind spots.

I will completely concede the point that this situation was one that my therapist would not have been involved in. But I also recognize that it's Frog's call as to whether or not she wants to continue in this situation.

Please accept my apologies if I saw you as being hostile or attacking when you didn't intend it. I regret my hastiness in replying, should have waited until I was calmer. It's one of my worst faults, I can be highly impulsive and shoot from the hip when I'm angry.

AG

hm...

firstly: AG, thanks for including me on whats going on.

I understand your concerns echo.(and MacLove`s??) I am pretty sure that i would have reacted and felt alarmed and seen some red flags as well, if i had heard about a therapist whom socialised with a patients parents too. I am known with the spescial circomstanses/"not ideal" context in this case. And of course- if i had a difficult and unhealthy relation with my parents, there is NO WAY i would engage with a therapist whom known them. That would be impossible. But thats NOT my case.


Echo, maybe you think of me as a victim in this case, that i am being "blinded" by love to my T and my parents, and therefore denies or is incapable if seing the " unhealthy" dynamics in this relation. That i am too young and naiv to "get" this... ?
I hope, *really hope* you are wrong though, and that i actually are mature enough to understand this. I feel like a normal patient, in a normal therapy process, with a normal therapist, with normal boundaries, having normal battles, with normal reactions, with normal blind spots, and normal and HEALTHY attachment and transeference. Just with spescial circomstanses.


Echo- i still am interested in how all this effects my therapy, and how it effects my transeference (which is strong and intense) and i pay attention to what i feel, asking for what other people (you guys) thinks, and what my folks thinks, and my T thinks. And they are are aware of their role and part in this and about the spescial circomstances in this case. They are paying attetion to this as well. They know that the ideal situation would be if they didnt ever meet, or knew each other. But they do. Cant change that now. echo- i am not naiv or unknown with the spescial circomstances in this case. Nor are they. (do you know that even Freud had soscial contact with his patiens relatives?)

There is no opotion to quit. THAT would be directly harmful to me. I decide to quit only when i feel finished with therapy, and that might take years... echo-

quote:

I sometimes wonder, Where is this Shrinklady, and why doesn't she speak up? when I read threads like this. This is NOT a healthy therapy dynamic. It's crazy. There needs to be a voice of reason on this site.(..)
Frog, I understand that you love and adore your T and are getting good feelings out of this relationship. People get positive benefits from all sorts of relationships. That doesn't make it therapy.

quote:

Ok...this hurts to read echo.
- calling my therpy "crazy" and "unhealthy" *feels* hard to read, and its confusing. I AM DOING ORDINARY PSYCHOTHERAPY 3 SESSION PR WEEK, WORKING HARD TO GET BETTER! And I think this thread is a proof that i DO pay attention to this.
...whats the talk about calling for shrinklady here..??? echo- why are you calling for her? - do you think Shrinklady would have reacted like you?....? (I am not really (i realize now) familiar with how this forum works, does shrinklady show up sometimes to offor advice in complicated cases??)
Echo,- Do you seriously mean, on this background, that my only healthy option- is to quit? because my therapy is a "train wreck?" i am sorry, but i still dont "get" that, why would you advice me to do that??

Again: I do wanna empathize that i appreaciate every view on this, and its all welcome here and i know you all mean well and are engaged out of concern. I follow AG on this one.

quote:

Originally posted by Frog:
Echo, maybe you think of me as a victim in this case, that i am being "blinded" by love to my T and my parents, and therefore denies or is incapable if seing the " unhealthy" dynamics in this relation.

No, I don't think of you as a victim. Sometimes people (myself included) unconciously set themselves up in situations that from an outsider's view looks to be an inevitable disaster. Then when it all falls apart, they cry out "Help! I'm a victim!" It seems to happen a lot around here. (But I guess I'm supposed to just watch and bite my tongue and not try to warn you?)

quote:

I feel like a normal patient, in a normal therapy process, with a normal therapist, with normal boundaries, having normal battles, with normal reactions, with normal blind spots, and normal and HEALTHY attachment and transeference. Just with spescial circomstanses.

I have no doubt that you are a normal person with normal battles, but I disagree that these are normal boundaries with a normal therapist. Your parents being friends with your therapist is more than a special circumstance. It adds another layer of complication to a relationship that is already complicated enough in the best of cases. There are lots of things that could go wrong here... one of them wanting to impress the other or earn professional favor... using you as a "pawn" in some kind of game between them all... I don't know. *sigh*

Look, I'm not saying the guy needs to be publicly shamed or sent to the Gulag or something. IF you quit therapy, there's no reason he can't be what is commonly referred to as a "family friend", a kindly "uncle" that supports you and offers advice when asked. I'm not saying eject him from your life forever (as if that were an option in this case - he'll probably be joining you for Christmas dinner this year ).

I just don't think your therapist and your parents should be friends. And since you yourself wrote that you were here for advice and insight, that's what I offer. It's just my opinion and my advice. You can choose to ignore it. I think you'd be better off working on your "existential crises caused partly by the moving-out and seperation from home and parents" (ahem, knew I was on to something there ) with someone who isn't vacationing and dining with those parents.

quote:

calling my therpy "crazy" and "unhealthy" *feels* hard to read, and its confusing. I AM DOING ORDINARY PSYCHOTHERAPY 3 SESSION PR WEEK, WORKING HARD TO GET BETTER!

I wasn't calling your therapy crazy. I was referring to this thread, the whole situation, the message I get on here that I am supposed to go along and support your choice to continue therapy in this manner. I do think it is an unhealthy situation for you and will be painful in the end. That's my opinion. I can't just sit here and type, "WOW, your parents and your T are buddies!? How exciting! Keep it up!"

3x a week, and you plan to do this for years? Well, that's job security for your T anyway, isn't it...

quote:

I am not really (i realize now) familiar with how this forum works, does shrinklady show up sometimes to offor advice in complicated cases??)

She pops in now and then to comment on something, but it is rare. I admit I am curious what she would think of this, but I don't expect to hear anything.

Most importantly, it's not what your parents want or think, or what your T wants you to do, or what some anonymous people on the internet think... It's your life, do what YOU want.