Thanks, AG. Another big problem I'm having accepting that my experiences could have been traumatic is that I don't see anyone talking about anything similar on forums or in descriptions like on the links you gave me.
They all talk about being - oh. This is probably a post that you should not continue to read if you're uncomfortable reading Things That Are Upsetting. They talk about physical abuse, and sexual abuse, neither of which happened from my dad. In fact, he was quite proud of the fact that he never hit his kids or his wife.
But he liked the rest of the family to be scared of him, and he would say as much. He was angry. He yelled. You never knew what he'd do. (He's since been diagnosed with BPD.) My mom is still with him, and still can't trust him and worries that he might kill her (I tried to get her out - we ran away last summer. She went back. I live Elsewhere now.) Back when I was 12 and he had what I'll refer to as an Episode, I stashed baseball bats in strategic locations around the house because I was worried I'd have to defend myself. (He thought the folks on TV and the radio were talking about him and plotting against him. This was, as far as I can tell, Not the Case
And it was never overt, it never left any marks, and it isn't what they talk about in the descriptions. I'm terrified of him, still and yet, but there's nothing I can put my finger on or point to and say, "There! See? That's ... whatever I would need to prove that something bad happened!" Most of the posters at forums or descriptions talk about horrible sex stuff, or getting hit or kicked, or not having food/shelter provided, or some such thing. Not so here.
And as for denial, yeah. My family lives there - you can probably get a nice house on our street if you want. The view is _stellar_: big prairies full of ponies, puppies, and dancing bears.