Sounds really powerful, sb. And scary and disconnected. And frustrating with the boundaries of the counseling office. I hope you can hang on until your next appointment. We are all here for you and, of course, it's okay to say anything you want here.

(((sapphire-blue)))

I have a 'little" too, so I can really sympathize with your sudden switching and fear. The inner child has thoughts of her own and is hard to predict what's going to trigger it.
I also relate to your therapy situation. I go to a county clinic where they totally insulate the therapists...no calls, no email, and there are irregular sessions done by a scheduler. All those are so anxiety provoking when you never know what's coming next. That's really unfair for them to terminate you just for not showing up! Not the T's fault...I'm sure good T's are frustrated by that very much!

Thanks for replying RT. It's 48 hrs later and I'm still shook up. I guess I have to hang on.


Hi Skylynx, sorry you have similar difficulties with therapy access. At least my allocated slot stays the same each week - so I know I have that hour on friday mornings. My previous T was a bit random in scheduling at times and the NHS was awful (therapy once a month etc offered - about as much use as a chocolate teapot). My current T was very insistent about the no contact rule - so I guess she finds it is what SHE needs. I expect her work load would make it difficult to cope with allowing clients access.

I have more than one 'little' and yes, they have thoughts of their own. Right now this particular part just wants the T. I almost asked to take something from the T room with me - something to hold on to in the storm... but I didnt dare. And there wasn't anything obviously suitable. The T is far away, happy and having a nice weekend I guess, and I'm all crazy and wanting her near me. It's such a desparate feeling and uncomfortable to experience as an adult (who is independent and capable). I know these are valid child feelings... and they are from my past where safe available adults were thin on the ground.

The thing I flashbacked to belongs to a series of events I dont think anyone will believe. So, not only do I feel terrified (legitimately - I'd be terrified to face that as an adult), but I feel isolated and that if I attempt to talk about it I will be seen as crazy. What if it didn't really happen and I'm insane and my head (and emotions) made it up?

I tried to tell her that I might be crazy and the T just said maybe you are!?!?! She did also say that maybe it was easier for me to label me as crazy than face the truth. I dont want her to think I'm insane though... I need her to try to understand what I need to tell her (but currently cant)... anyone else been there?

Sorry to go on.

Sapphire-B

hey s-b, i'm not in a place where i can respond easily, but i'm glad you're back here posting and hanging on. if you feel like writing anything about your flashback in Sensitive Issues or a PM, maybe that will help. Or not. Maybe just knowing that you truly aren't crazy in the eyes of forum members will help. And that we all care.



-RT

Aw thanks RT
your post is so kind

I'm really finding it hard this week. I so so so wanted to contact her and just find out if she is still 'there' (I know she works on a monday). But I've been 'good', kept to the rules and put up with the dull ache that is located somewhere in the middle of me

Therapy can make you feel so cr*p cant it.

sb

quote:

I tried to tell her that I might be crazy and the T just said maybe you are!?!?! She did also say that maybe it was easier for me to label me as crazy than face the truth. I dont want her to think I'm insane though... I need her to try to understand what I need to tell her (but currently cant)... anyone else been there?

Yup.

Hang in there sapphire!! Sucks about the no contact policy. I hope you get some relief hanging around here-- I think most of us have totally been there. So at least, you're in great company

SB: May I ask how you make it through all week without contact? This is one of the things I continually struggle with and has been a sticking point, even when I ask he says no. Currently in a rift over therapy right now but could use some ideas on how to get through when wanting to contact is so strong.

T.