Hi Halo...I do get those really intense erotic transference feelings for my male T at times. Sometimes it's exhausting trying to control or eliminate those feelings. What I've found is that when I'm feeling them intensely it's usually before a breakthrough in therapy or when I'm getting close to something I would like to avoid and the erotic transference seems to serve as a good distraction.

Lately, I've been in a more parental type of transference with my T. Just last week we were talking about something intense and he related an experience he had with his own child and I looked at him and said...."I wish I had grown up with a father like you". He looked straight at me and said gently "you are". Those two words were very powerful to me and made a huge impact. When he said that to me I realized that he had gone straight to the heart of things. This was so much more meaningful to me than if he said he wanted me in an erotic way. So I guess right now I need to see him in the parental role...but it does swing back and forth.

TN

TN - what a perfect and beautiful response your T had for you. I have goosebumps all over, so I guess it must have gone straight to my heart too. Thank you for sharing it with us!

SG

Hi TN, that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Do you try and turn the erotic feelings off? Or just go with them and acknowledge they are your feelings? Does anything help?

There are things, needs, desires that as long as they are unspoken and unconcious the feelings will remain under control.
But I think he wants me to think and speak and I'm afraid that will trigger more intense and painful feelings. That's what I was trying to avoid.

quote:

Originally posted by True North:
Hi Halo...I do get those really intense erotic transference feelings for my male T at times. Sometimes it's exhausting trying to control or eliminate those feelings. What I've found is that when I'm feeling them intensely it's usually before a breakthrough in therapy or when I'm getting close to something I would like to avoid and the erotic transference seems to serve as a good distraction.

Lately, I've been in a more parental type of transference with my T. Just last week we were talking about something intense and he related an experience he had with his own child and I looked at him and said...."I wish I had grown up with a father like you". He looked straight at me and said gently "you are". Those two words were very powerful to me and made a huge impact. When he said that to me I realized that he had gone straight to the heart of things. This was so much more meaningful to me than if he said he wanted me in an erotic way. So I guess right now I need to see him in the parental role...but it does swing back and forth.

TN

Wow, wow, wow. What a great response. And what great honesty from you! I have to admit that I am completely and utterly jealous! I would have loved my T to say something like that. The closest to it for me was when he said, with great emphasis, "I KNOW you". It was as if it hit me right at my very core. I still think about it now. I feel like he walks around with a part of me with him.

I think about him everyday and a number of times. I think about him in a parental manner,the manner of a lover and of and amazing friend. I constantly think I see him in various places-so many men remind me of him and my chest gets tight and I get ready to run or freeze or do something. I have imagined bumping into him so many times. Today I was fantasizing about tripping over or fainting upon meeting him and him being the one closest to me and so he would have to physically help me. I have never had any physical contact from him and I long for it, I long for that warmth and security. I long for his attention. Before and after sessions with my new T I think about him and also during sessions.

I have practically named everything as a trigger (!) because at the moment it almost is. But when I feel under pressure or in a crisis he's probably the first person who comes to mind.

Mrs. P