It's so odd you post this now Mallard, as I'm having some of the same issues with my DBT. She's close to my age (2 years younger to be exact) and while she's even gone through special programs to be certified in PTSD and other issues specific to my case, I have a really hard time with her.

She's the first T I've worked with that is my age - all my previous Ts were at least 10 years older than me, which was comforting. It is really hindering my work, I believe, because I can't seem to let go of whatever is blocking me from trusting her. I am honest with her, but keep things vague enough to keep me emotionless. She's still so "new" in the field, relatively speaking, with less than 10 years experience, compared to my T who has 25+ years experience.

Not much support, other than to sympathize with you.... and if you (or anyone else) figures out how to get over this hurdle, I'm open to all ideas!

Thanks for your input Room2Grow and I'm sorry you are also struggling with connecting.

The funniest thing for me is that my T is actually older than her photo. I think it must have been taken a good few years back, so even though she is clearly not old enough to be my parent, I still wound up with uncomfortable transference. I think what I'm began to realise is that reacting to you therapist as if they are a figure from your past is kind of inevitable if you are prone to it, which I know I am.

I do share this internal wrestling struggle with opening up. It is like dealing with a massive barrier. The only way I get around it is to sneak small bits of info out (I don't know how well this translates, but it literally feels like tricking the prison guards and smuggling notes out - or digging myself a tunnel and surreptitiously letting the soil dribble out from my pockets!)

I have shared some of the struggle with her, which has helped. She asked me how she could help me - and I was literally lost for words. Could not think of a single thing, which is very unlike me.

I have to admit, I don't know masses about DBT, other than the basic idea behind it (mindfulness, emotional regulation skills). Does it feel as if the method is interfering or is it something between the two of you?

"I do share this internal wrestling struggle with opening up. It is like dealing with a massive barrier."

Mallard: I can so relate to this. I have a lot of trouble with this and find it very difficult.


I find it interesting that you had the same transference with this therapist that you did with the therapist that was older whom you saw a few years back.

I have toyed with the idea of changing Therapists...but I haven't because I have been told that the same transference and issues eventually come up, even with a different Therapist.

You are brave to keep going back T.

It hasn't been exactly the same - but I recognise that I have historically had a tendency to try and form caring and secure attachments with female figures and then freak myself out worrying that this means I'm some kind of desperately needy crazy person.

It is related to having a very unpredictable experience of being cared for when I was very young and a really ambivalent relationship with my own vulnerable feelings; often I would crave affection and then beat myself up for putting myself in danger.

I don't think it's true that the same issues will always come up. I have had differing experiences with different Ts. One, rather than placing her in a caring 'wished-for' parent position, I reacted to as if she was the 'bad, critical parent'. I absolutely hated her guts, honestly - and felt totally justified in doing so! I've also had the experience where I idealized a T and then had my feelings flip around to feeling rejected and abandoned.

But, yes, if you can think of transference as being a pointer to where needs healing, it's a reasonable assumption to make that what you feel with current T may well come up elsewhere. That doesn't mean that moving Ts isn't a valid decision to make sometimes - I have moved Ts for example when I reacted angrily and the T for whatever reason couldn't stop himself from being pulled in and reacting angrily and defensively back. At the time I decided I was not up for working that out with him, although I probably could have stuck around and we might have managed to form a working relationship but I didn't have the resources to spare, so I quit.

Current T talks about layers - I kind of expressed to her recently that I was really surprised that I'm feeling this stuff towards her, when I've already done what feels like a ton of work with her and elsewhere.

I think I might just have peeled off another layer of my onion!

I guess the question is often whether or not you can take the risk of letting T know what is going on for you and it sounds like it's a really, really difficult prospect. It's easy for me to suggest pragmatically that you give it a try when I get that this stuff can honestly feel like life and death.

I did once go and talk about some particularly painful transference with an old T I trusted and liked enough to help me figure out what to do. Her advice was clear "Tell him about it". Easier said than done, I thought at the time! She was right though.

I came across quite a useful post written by a psychologist on a blog called "Psychology Today" which aims to de-mystify the concept for clients. You might find it interesting.

http://www.psychologytoday.com...s-guide-transference

And, thanks, I think anyone willing to put their wounded self out there is brave and courageous. I do trust that current T knows her stuff and all evidence points to her not hurting me intentionally. So, although stuff feels incredibly risky even now, it makes it a bit easier to spit out what I'm feeling.

"But damn, it is a rough ride and I'd quite like to be at the end point, rather than this strange moving back and forth between the old way of being and the new.

I think anyone willing to put their wounded self out there is brave and courageous."

Strongly feels you will get there soon enough Mrs Mallard Duck.

Thanks Muff *quack*