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Trusting your therapist

T transferencegrl85Member
Does anyone constantly doubt their therapist and what their intentions are....??

Like I battle with myself off and on ... my therapist is GREAT ... my therapist isn't good for me... Its like never ending.. Do I have a crush on her? Do I want her as my mom?? Is that healthy or normal?? I feel its screwing up my progress in working through my stuff... yet perhaps trusting her is part of the process.

I guess I am worried, because I often attach myself to bad people. And even if what they do isn't ABUSIVE.... it totally hurts like a knife through my heart when I see their flaws. And I start to think they are evil people. Once I trust someone with all my heart they can do whatever they want and I think that they are right. Although most of the people I had this with were not healthy people and they stabbed me in the back. So I wander if my therapist really is healthy .. I mean to me she kind of seems a lot like me which I thought was really great at first, but now I wander if its so great. I need someone to help me, not be my friend.

I have been battling this trust thing for like seven months now... It will go away for awhile. I will either trust her for awhile, NOT trust her for awhile, or just not care if she hurts me because she is pushed far far away. I have been having this little trust alarm going off and on since I started...



Sometimes I am 100% positive that I can trust her and that she isn't bad its all in my head. Than sometimes I am positive that she really screwed with my head..and that she doesn't know what she is doing. And I am confident that I will walk away and find another T, but I worry WHAT IF I leave her and I really could have learned something from our relationship

Grr its so frustrating!! I have decided to give it a few more weeks and see where it gets us. I have a bad feeling she is having counter transference with me or something weird like that and its messing things up
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T transferencegrl85Member
quote:
Originally posted by Hummingbird:
Hi TG185

Phew, quite a complex issue you've raised. The whole relationship with a therapist is so unique and confusing it is really hard sometimes to know if it is simply our stuff coming out or if there really is some sort of a problem or mismatch with the therapist.

Your doubts have been going on for quite a while, have you thought of maybe sharing what you posted above with your T and seeing how she responds?

I am not sure i would be brave enough to do it but if i was i would think it was a very good idea. Smiler
HB


Thanks HB,
That is just IT!! Like you said its hard to know whether I am just afraid to face my issues so I am pointing the blame at my therapist or not?!

I just feel like I should have higher self esteem. Instead I feel like I depend on my T and she is the one who will determine my fate and I can't see how that is a healthy thing. I feel like a bad mom and I am always thinking about my therapist in one way or another... Perhaps I am not ready to deal with transference.

I really need to bring this up with her rather than pretending I don't care or just moving on to another therapist. I am scared, however I am an adult and I can DO IT!!! HECK YA.. I just have a bad feeling it might end up in an argument.. But if thats true than she really isn't a good fit for me. Therapists should not get defensive in my opinion... if you are telling them how you feel..

I just don't think my therapist is working with me through this like she should be. I know I have to heal myself, but where are all the coping skills she could be giving me??

I expect too much from people, but I do feel I deserve the help I need....

Anyways thanks.. I know I NEED to be the one who determines if its a healthy fit for me.. but for me it is very hard to just walk away from this.... because I feel I have wasted the last 7 months ruining my life..I know I have learned a lot.. and if I do walk away from her I should be proud that I had enough courage to walk away from an unhealthy relationship.. It is very hard for me to be rational as well!
I iamMember
quote:
Does anyone constantly doubt their therapist and what their intentions are....??

Like I battle with myself off and on ... my therapist is GREAT ... my therapist isn't good for me... Its like never ending.. Do I have a crush on her? Do I want her as my mom?? Is that healthy or normal?? I feel its screwing up my progress in working through my stuff... yet perhaps trusting her is part of the process.

I guess I am worried, because I often attach myself to bad people. And even if what they do isn't ABUSIVE.... it totally hurts like a knife through my heart when I see their flaws. And I start to think they are evil people. Once I trust someone with all my heart they can do whatever they want and I think that they are right. Although most of the people I had this with were not healthy people and they stabbed me in the back. So I wander if my therapist really is healthy .. I mean to me she kind of seems a lot like me which I thought was really great at first, but now I wander if its so great. I need someone to help me, not be my friend.

I have been battling this trust thing for like seven months now... It will go away for awhile. I will either trust her for awhile, NOT trust her for awhile, or just not care if she hurts me because she is pushed far far away. I have been having this little trust alarm going off and on since I started...



Sometimes I am 100% positive that I can trust her and that she isn't bad its all in my head. Than sometimes I am positive that she really screwed with my head..and that she doesn't know what she is doing. And I am confident that I will walk away and find another T, but I worry WHAT IF I leave her and I really could have learned something from our relationship

Grr its so frustrating!! I have decided to give it a few more weeks and see where it gets us. I have a bad feeling she is having counter transference with me or something weird like that and its messing things up

Don't loose hope. When things go wrong you need hope the most



My advice to you...

always trust your instinct. If you feel something is fishy, then probably something's going on. My counsellor's intention was to treat me as a test subject becuase he was doing his practicum and writing thesis at the same time. I was so naive...

Stop wondering about what your T is thinking or will react. If you don't feel right with your T, just ditch him. There are plenty of T's who are professional and actually can help you.

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