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8 replies

Trying to be my own friend

T turtleMember
This is not as easy as it sounds but I really have no choice.

I feel so damn sorry for myself not having a T now for more than a month. I have worked to find one and it's not been easy. Especially considering that it was last year at this time that I started my initial quest for a new T. The T I saw before that I had seen for 3 years but she became like a friend and we just chit chatted and never got into anything therapeutic so I decided to move on. It's been a very difficult journey.

I had an apt with a new T this last Weds. Did not get the message that she cancelled and so showed up anyway. I cried when her receptionist told me that her cat died so she had to cancel all apts for the day. Though I have to say that I like her already that she cares so much for her cat. I am having to make a decision between two different kinds of medical procedures each of which have huge pros and cons. My mom died two years ago tomorrow and that is a huge deal for me. I miss her more than I can describe. My place has fallen apart because of depression have not been good at keeping up on cleaning. It's bad. I am planning on making a project out of it now.

Anyway long story short at this time I don't have a lot of places to turn with my intense emotional pain. I am left with myself almost entirely. I wish I had a bathtub. I only have a shower. Soaking in a tub sounds delightful right now. It is my goal to be my own very best friend today.

Anyone else ever have to do this? lol
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jillannjillannMember
Yes Turtle I've been there before. There was a time in my life where I was all alone. I would leave work on Friday and not speak to another human being until Monday morning. I understand the intense lonliness.

My One suggestion to you is to keep your projects small in scope to begin. It feels much better to have planned to get the kitchen counter cleared and then have done it than to say I'm going to clean the entire house today and feel bad when you didn't get it done. Set small goals and celebrate when you get them done.

Good luck with all your plans. I hope you have another appointment set up with that T. She sounds interesting.

Jillann
S shamanMember
Hi Turtle,

Congratulations on posting this thread. I find it incredibly courageous of you to reach out like this.
I've been there too, from early childhood to 27 years of age actually, until I found the person I have shared my life with since. In my darker moments I still find it can creep up on me, and the only person I can talk to about it, is my T. So I hope you get to see a good T soon.
Small objectives are the best, as Jillann pointed out. And...think of what you would want your best friend to do for you in the state you're in. Practice as much selfcompassion as you can muster and take care of yourself. I found these tips useful http://www.jasmincori.com/articles/healing/self-care/
Big hug
jonesjonesMember
It's a beautiful goal, Turtle. I love that you thought of it, and I hope that even if you can't have a bath you can have super-relaxing and indulgent long shower!

Yep, I often have to do this self-friending too - it's a good sign, I think, to be able to even see it that way. I'm not sure that need ever goes away, even when life's going well.
T turtleMember
Jillian, that is sound advice. I don't want to set myself up for failure. That would not be a good thing.


Shaman, thanks for that link. I particularly liked this one "Good self-care is holding with compassion the person who is suffering and has suffered so much. In this case that person is you. Can you have as much compassion for yourself as you would have for your best friend going through what you’re going through?"

Draggers, thank you so much. your words are comforting to me. I care about you as well.

Jones, Yeah I have done the indulgent shower and the good news is that I live in an apartment building where the hot water never runs out. So I can take a very long shower. I will think of you as I do my best to befriend myself. I will keep in mind that you have done this too.

Penguin, thanks so much for the hugs and encouragement
thekidthekidMember
Hi Turtle...I just wanted to pipe in and say I totally understand and can really, really relate. I think you're on the right track. What a good goal to come up with. Sometimes, we only do have ourselves to rely on. I can also relate with the housework stuff...just getting my *ss out the door to work takes all my energy. Housework?? Yikes!

Take very gentle and patient care of you.

The Kid
T turtleMember
(((The Kid)))

Ha I know what you mean about getting my *ss out the door let alone cleaning the damn house. lol

But I tell ya it's gotten to be an emergency. I think I heard mice last night. Freaked me out too.

Well a good friend of mine came and picked me up tonight and we went out to eat and then went thrift store shopping. Was fun and exactly what I needed.
quellquellMember
Turtle,
Sometimes I decide that I am going to have to pamper myself. I don't think I even actually do anything differently, but setting my intention that way helps some, so I think trying to be a good friend to yourself is a good idea.

Wish you did have a tub, though. That is one of the things I do for myself.

I do hope you find a good T.

Hang in there!
catalystcatalystMember
((turtle))

Ugh I totally get how hard it is to find... that 'compassion' (hate when my Ts SAY THIS) for yourself.

I'm really sorry your T had to cancel... that sucks.

It's okay to let things fall a little bit apart sometimes, I do that.. and then when I'm ready for a fresh start I really organize things and it all feels that much better, and new.

Glad you got out with a friend, and sorry you do not have a tub! Perhaps a hot tub is somewhere you could go? Some resorts will let you come in, depending on capacity, if you pay a resort fee.

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