Raven - both of my Ts are older than my parents... and I really prefer an older T I think I would have a difficult time with anyone less than 10 years older than me. That being said - I've had group Ts near my age range before and I was still able to connect with them but I think for deep individual work it would be hard for me.

I think it is a personal choice, much in the same way as some people prefer to see someone who is the same sex as them. You need to feel comfortable. If you felt comfortable before finding out their age ask yourself what made you feel comfortable in the first place, if that hasn't changed then I think you can look past the issue of age.

My oldT was exactly my age yet I saw him in a fatherly way. It's funny because when I first met him I was trying to figure out how old he was and I guessed younger than he really was.

My current T is 3 years younger than me. But we seem about equal. he thought I was TEN years younger than I really am (LOL... am I that immature... must be my inner kid). I have to say that he does not look younger than me at all... he has some grays and age lines.

I don't think I'd be that happy with a T much younger than I am. I'm a handful so I need someone with lots of experience!

TN

I know my T is reasonably close in age to me, though I've never thought to ask her exact age.

But to me, it's more important to me to know/feel that she understands the things I'm trying to work on/move past/figure out than how old she is, the clinical experience she may have, or the type of degree on her wall...

I think that the things that are 'relate able' between us are more than enough for age to be irrelevant - ie: similar Morales, belief structures etc

YoungT was younger than me. Er,,, obviously ... About 15 yrs younger. It affected our relationship - she wasn't married and no kids and I felt she didn't really understand the complexities of my chaotic home life.

When I went back to T (after a 10 yr break) - I went back to someone who I knew, was the same age, married, kids, similar socio-economic background etc. It helps me a lot that she has family and children struggles like I do. We have some common issues and common understanding. It wasn't until i went back to her and it felt so comfortable that I realised how much of a barrier the 15 age gap to youngT was. It was her inexperience and age - yes - but also her lived-life-experience that wasn't there.

I can't imagine seeing an older T nor a male T. I really couldn't do a male T! I generally gel with women about my age and + or - 7yrs.

Somedays

My T is my dad's age and I do think that helped creating the dynamics that exists between us. I'm not sure I would be okay taking advice about what to do with my life from someone my own age. At least I would question everything a lot more.
I think it probably depends on the issues you're working on and if you see your T as a capable professional.

My T is probably, I would say, about 35 or so. About 10 years older than me.

It helps that I know she's been through a lot. That's all she's said. That's all I know. I can tell, through the way she is. I can sense a lot of vulnerability in her still.

Which makes me doubt her a lot. But also feel closer to her.

Her age does not affect me so much. She's been working in mental health for over 10 years.

My T is three years older than me. I relate to him mostly as a father figure, but when I am in my usual day to day mode, he is more like a colleague and I feel very equal to him. We discuss the more interesting bits of psychology and therapy sometimes and I like it that he is open to learning from me whilst also able to see me being about six months old or three years old and hiding under his desk.
I just like him. I don't really care what age he is but he has been a psychologist in working practice for 24-25 years now and I love that depth of experience. It feels a bit like a chess game where he is often effortlessly 7 steps ahead. I can let go and just be and he holds all of it.

My T is about 30 years older than me. (I'm in my twenties, T is in her fifties.) I like the age difference because it seems to make the maternal transference (which has been a significant element in my therapy) feel more natural and comfortable. Sometimes I think of T as an older aunt figure as well, which is a cozy fantasy to indulge in at times.

I think I probably could work effectively with a T nearer my own age, if I liked her and she seemed competent and intelligent, but I imagine the dynamic would be somewhat different. Maybe I would spend less time regressing, which might be a good thing, lol.

My T is 6 years older than me and I like that because we basically come from the same generation. If I was 20 and he was 26, I'm not so sure I'd like it as much because now I prefer an experienced T over an inexperienced one. But since I'm 48 and he's 54, he has the experience I need.

My last T was probably about 15 years or so older than me and although I wasn't conscious of the age difference, she was because she would occassionally make comments about it.

Thanks for the answers ~ they've helped me to realize that focusing on her age is probaly not the most productive use of my time! We do have a decent relationship. I think it's my old ways of thinking that want to sabatoge things to find fault with her. I have to admit though, that the part of me that is a successful, functionaling professional has always appreciated the fact that she sees me that way - like an equal alomst - but now with all this triggering and falling into "younger" behaviors - I'm a bit embarrassed.

Raven,

When I first found my T, she was closest psychologist from my house that did EMDR (which I thought would cure me), so I got on her waiting list.

Then when I got in to see her (she didn't have a website at that time), I saw her paperwork and information about her, and when she graduated, etc., and was like, oh, she's about 5-6 years older than me. Then I met her, and I was, like, yeah, she's not too much older than me. (I don't know how old she actually is, though.)

At first I liked this. I thought she could identify with me. Now, 20 months later, I think, "She must think I'm ridiculous acting like this at age xx."

I remember one time, many months ago, she said something to me about re-parenting. Then she said right away, "It can happen between adults, too" or something like that.

I'm okay with it, but I definitely get the, "she must think I'm acting like a 5 year old"....but if I do say, "Yeah, it's stupid," she will try to use a more 'clinical' term for stupid and bring it to my attention.

Oh, and I wanted to add: I went to therapy for my PTSD (concerning my son's cancer) and so for awhile, we related because she's married and has a son), and I felt like she was my sister. Now my childhood stuff is coming up a lot more....my son's most recent MRI is past and I'm focusing on triggers (such as my child's accomplishments and growth, and how that is triggering me today), and now I feel like she's my mom (and every once in awhile I look at her and think, you're not old enough to be my mom, LOL). And, since she says my primary diagnosis is "personality disorder" (which developed due to the way I was raised, and parented (she says)), she "needs" to be my mom, sort of, and I think that's why she has helped shift the focus to my childhood stuff and my mom.

Previous T was in her early 30s and was a lot like a big sister to me which I felt like I needed more of instead of a mother figure since I was in my stubborn teenager rebellion stage. Now that I'm in college and I feel more adult like and mature (I'm only 20 but hey ) I see current T as a full on mother figure with a little bit of big sister as well. It helps to see her more as a mother since she's not that much younger than my mom (T is in her late 30s). For me, I feel like I can connect and open up more with someone who is around the 30 age group. I see them more as mentors and can connect with them on a deeper level than someone who was say in their 20s. I think maybe I'm like that since my sisters are in their late 20s so anyone who tries to connect with me on a deep level and is my age range, I can't take them all that seriously cos I see em just as like another friend. I don't know it's a little hard to explain...but anyhow the age difference only affects me in a very positive light.

My T is a few years older than my mother. I prefer it that way, since I think of T as my second mom. I think I would really struggle with a T who was close to my own age and especially one who was younger. That could be problematic in the future if I stay in therapy because T's who are my mother's age are getting close to retirement.

I suppose if I ever got to a point where transference wasn't such a big deal for me, then I could view a T as someone I simply collaborate with, like a business partnership. In that case, a T my own age might be acceptable. But I'm not there yet!

quote:

I think, "She must think I'm ridiculous acting like this at age xx."

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking a lot right now after finding out she's only two years older than me. She's all professional and put together, and here I am whining about stuff and seeming to not make much progress very quickly. I started to feel more attached to her, but I don't know if I can with her being so close in age. I haven't seen her for two weeks and she's still gone for another ~ so I guess I'll have to see how it goes when I see her again. I know I'm too picky. I didn't want someone my mother's age (63) and I didn't want someone close to my age so I guess I have just narrowed my options too much ~ probably defense mechanisms to have excuses why I can't make this work. I really don't know. I think attachment is important, and I don't believe I can with someone my same age.