I'll be following this thread closely....I think I need to do some further research on "types" of therapy as my therapist is at a loss on how to help me anymore, I think....well, her words yesterday, actually.

Sea-green, I think that self-harm and suicidal thoughts are very closely tied together. More than likely (whether you realize it or not) both behaviors are being triggered by similar things. You can't treat one without treating the other.

This might be a little too detailed, but do you self-harm to punish yourself? To get rid of bad feelings? To feel something? To feel physical rather than emotional pain? Although I know this is overly simplistic (and I don't know the details of your situation and could be completely off), suicidal thoughts, at least for me, tend to somewhat revolve around the same triggers as what spurs my self-harm. To be completely frank, I think it will be very hard to try and treat your suicidal thoughts without also addressing everything behind your SI.

DBT therapy can be very helpful for things like this, like DF said. I haven't experienced it myself, but I may in the future. I am in psychodynamic therapy (although my T is pretty eclectic in her approach). But it varies so much from person to person that you kind of need to pick one and dive in and see how it works out for you. Different personalities require different therapy. For instance, if I had gone right into a more problem/solution-oriented therapy like CBT or DBT, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I needed the more personal relationship in the type of therapy I'm in to start addressing my issues because I'm a wee bit sensitive about everything (to a fault! ). It really just varies.

I think mine have all been some sort of eclectic psychodynamic ones. The first two were psychologists and the two current ones are lcsw. I am not su, but doing therapy brings forth all my si tendencies. I can go for years without si and then I start therapy again, and boom, within a few appointments, there I am. Right now I am also trying reiki, sacral cranial therapy, and acupuncture but those are pretty new so I do not know if they are helping or not.

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What kind of therapy are you currently in? Are you thinking of changing to a different T or trying a new method?

I have no idea what kind of therapy I am in! I am seeing a psychologist. She "specializes" in trauma treatment and family/marital issues.

One year ago I was deep in PTSD revolving around my son's cancer and treatment....the therapist I sought did EMDR....but when I started treatment within 2 sessions I realized I had so many other "issues" (marriage problems were high on the list, along with relationship issues with my mom, sister and my social anxiety, but a lot of it I thought was because of the PTSD)....we did deal with the PTSD with EMDR ("talk therapy"? and bringing in photos) and it did help and it helped having her support all the way up to last month, May being a trigger month for me due to his diagnosis anniversary, brain tumor awareness month, a birthday of my DD that should be special but it is clouded with my son's diagnosis, but anyway, I made it through May without ending up in the hospital, although it was close several times I wanted to go but had no support from H so I didn't go, but anyway, 2 1/2 weeks ago I stopped my meds....ugh, this story is going to get long....I think I'm going to gather my thoughts more and post maybe over in personal stories section....at least as far as the last 2-3 therapy sessions....but I will continue to ramble here a bit, too....

Anyway, I'm thinking of stopping therapy now. After the last two sessions....

But I am not sure stopping is the right thing for me....I don't remember having suicidal ideation until I actually started on Lexapro last fall....I was depressed, crying a lot, feeling worthless, but don't remember 'bad' thoughts until going to therapy and talking....it has been a year now and I wonder if I should just take a break....

I might have to face my P and find out if he had an official diagnosis for me other than MDD....meaning if he thought I was bipolar or not....I've been thinking about finding another P to get a 2nd opinion....my current P kept changing my meds every 2-3 weeks and I was so frustrated thinking he wasn't even giving any of them any time to see if they would help....he was the one who gave me Lexapro and then went out of town for 6 weeks and I ended up in the hospital because of the S thoughts. I lost 48lbs last year due to depression and diet changes but gained 20lbs since starting meds (and some of it just eating again, I am sure, as I was starving myself and weighing myself 6+ times a day)....since being off the meds I am not crying and have no suicidal ideation, but T said Wednesday that I seemed very agitated and depressed compared to the week before....I still think she is just mad I quit my meds but she is not a P and can not advice on meds, but has always said she was "glad" I was seeing a P and on meds....

Wednesday I was so quiet barely felt like talking, she grew irritated with me and even said, "You aren't fortright with your thoughts and I don't know how to help you!"

That's why I am thinking of trying a different therapist. This is pretty new to me. I don't know "types" of therapy. Being in therapy....it has only been one year for me. I'm 37. I've dealt with depression in my past, alone, most of my life, actually, and the only time I got meds was after my last two babies, as my OB/GYN gave me Zoloft. Maybe if she hadn't I would have sought "real treatment" with a P and T earlier. Anyway, there's lots of depression and alcohol abuse in my mom's family, even two suicides (her two brothers, one as a teen and one as an adult), so I guess that is why for the first time in my life I am trying to face this, and saying I can't do this alone.

But after the last two sessions with my T, I'm not sure seeing her again is the right thing to do....she told me last week I was "weak" and this week she told me several things that bothered me, one of which was I was feeling sorry for myself....after that I really didn't want to say anything to her. She felt so judgemental. Again, I'd have to write out my entire therapy session to get advice, and maybe I will do that, but till then, I guess I am just scared....so unsure about therapy and me....

Thanks for reading....

Hi
I work with an attachment pyschotherapist 2 times a week who has also worked extensively with SU and SI. It is an ongoing process with these issues for me but at no time as she ever laid down a no SU/SI rule as she says that would not work it's like telling someone to quit smoking. Instead we are looking at why and when it happens and she has said its not about her getting cross if it happens, she hopes that we can talk about what lead up to it.

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personally I would feel SO much more relaxed (and therefore less suicidal) with a T with an attitude like yours as opposed to someone more sensitive to mention of SU/SI.

I wish I could talk to my T about my thoughts, but the way she has reacted in the past keeps me from even telling her anything about my 'bad' thoughts now. I'm not sure what I want her to say or how I want her to respond when I bring up my dark thoughts, but I have told her in the past that I just want to be able to talk to someone about them. In the past she will immediately say, "How do you think your kids would feel?" or "You will scar your kids forever" that sort of thing....she has never taken the time or care to find out why and when the thoughts are happening....I think that would be good....I suppose I can try to do this by myself, because she won't.