Sitting in T's lobby. Last week, I confessed I don't push the button that lights up to let him know the next client is here until 10 minutes before I'm scheduled even though I routinely get Herr at least 30 minutes early to settle myself. T asked that I just press it right away, because he always has to work within the context of both who is in the room and who is in the lobby. He emphasized that it didn't invade his previous client's time or distract his focus away from them. So, I said OK.

I come in tonight to find it already lit up, which I understand is just him forgetting to switch it off, but I also "know" that it is secretly, maybe unconsciously, him saying, "I don't want to know that you're here. It IS invasive and my current client is much too important."

Also, the Clinical Psychologist and the lady T (who T originally told H I should see before I started going) both stared at me "weirdly" when they came into the lobby. I'm sure it's because I'm the only one here, here very early and they are wondering whose client I might be, but I also feel like T has told them about me and they are thinking, "Oh, it's THAT crazy, needy one."

Sometimes, I hate my brain. Typing this all from my phone...so I can stop these ridiculous projections.