I have felt a sense of my therapist not being real. Like she really isn't there. It is kind of a void feeling. Like I know she is there but I cannot connect to the experience of her presence. I felt it in session twice and have been feeling it on a very deep level a lot out of session the past few months. It is a scary, disconnected feeling. I try to do grounding techniques and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I really haven't discussed it with my T.

I have had feelings of myself not being real or present, but this is the first time I ever felt like a person just does not exist at times.

MsC: Hey there! I apologize for the delay in replying. I typically do not feel him in the room or during sessions. I can't feel HIM. I feel as if he is NOT THERE. I am desperately trying to feel him, yet, I am not able to. I think he is saying I could be disassociating. But, I am not trying to. I am trying to be open but it is so difficult. I just don't know if I should give up because maybe I am not meant to be open with another human being. I think it shouldn't be this difficult to be seen.

He is not going to change because he is who he is. I just can't see him as he is. This is so very frustrating. He has gone above and beyond on numerous occasions yet, it's as if he has done nothing for me.

Why can't what we KNOW logically meet what we FEEL from emotions and CHANGE them?

Thank you for replying. T.

GG: Hey there! Thank you for replying. I feel I have to work through so many things just to HEAR him and what he is saying. For instance, when he is quiet, I feel as if he wants me to stop talking because he is not talking!? I still don't understand why, but I literally ask him, "Do you want me to stop talking?" or I feel as if he doesn't want me to talk about what I am talking about.

I swear all I have to fight through is just exhausting. At times, I just lay my head down and say, "This is so hard."

When things get overwhelming, I start to count things or I start folding tissues, or I start picking up lint, etc. off the floor or couches.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I definitely think the grounding techniques are great! I really want to be able to feel him because how can I work on the more difficult things if I feel he is not even in the room?

T.

quote:

Originally posted by TAS:

I need to overcome this because I am not able to proceed the way I need to because I feel he is not there. I want to get past this and he tried to encourage me to look at him today. I was crying and told him I could not. He asked me what would happen if I did. I told him if I looked at him I would be giving a part of myself and I don't know what he would do with "me".

Maybe this is the key, TAS. Maybe you won't be able to feel him until you see him, and maybe that's not possible until you are ready to risk part of you.

I guess you are saying that you cannot (yet) feel a connection with him in session. He isn't present for you in a way that feels meaningful and is possible for you (looking at someone when crying is really hard to do to be fair). It seems such a big risk to reach out, in case you find that there is no one there - and that would be too much to cope with.

I have had therapy where, just at the wrong moment, the therapist feels miles away - far across a ravine, like a dot on a way off mountain top. They cannot hear me, reach me, help me. I am totally and utterly alone. I wonder at these experiences though; perhaps they are important messages about my past experience of relationship rather than an issue with the present person? Maybe your feeling of disconnection is something that is an issue from another important relationship - and it is shouting loud and clear to be sorted in this one?

What would the T need to do ideally to feel present? (You might not know). How far away does the T sit? Is his body language open? Does he ever shake your hand etc? Can you do eye contact early on in the appointment (before the tears)?

Hearing how difficult this is.

sb