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4 replies

Unwanted feelings

G grannysmith82Member
Hi everyone. I am new here but I feel like I can vent this out. It seems most or mabye some can understand. For a while I have been having these thoughts and feelings and I just dont know why and I can't understand it. Just to give some backround I am 27, Female. I live with my mother, grandfather and 11 yr old nephew for whom Ive cared for since he was born.

His mother, my sister, lived with us as well, she doesnt now but for some reason never took the responsibility to care for him. when I think back I just think it was convienient for my family to think oh she will do it. mind you I was 16 when he was born. I had problems with school therefore was home with my dad and my nephew so basically I was there and they took advantage of it.

Instead of encouragement to do other stuff I was always the fallback for staying with them. So now I truly believe even as an adult I am the one they seek when things need to be done that they are too lazy to do themselves. I call it being the gopher. I need to get a job. I have been unemployed for a while but have no regular skills to get one. All I've done my whole life is take care of others, help my mom take care of my grandparents and help my mom with our cleaning business, which we no longer have.

Wow um sorry for that long intro. well I believe its pent up stuff but I always write to let it out.I always feel like Im the one left behind in this family. I am the youngest and the stories about the youngest being spoiled well that aint true.
I have anxiety and at times feel totally depressed and alone and feel like I cant talk to anyone I know because they dont get me. honestly I scare them I think b/c of my problems.

I think if I can work on me then other stuff will fall into place. I just dont know how to do that.
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amazonamazonMember
Hi
Welcome to "Our Shrink" board Smiler
I was just wondering, you put a title "unwanted feelings"... I also had these kind of feelings, sort of unexplained anxiety, depressive moods... They were very much unwanted in myself, but things have changed so much to me over the past couple of months, that these feelings within me, it feels like they started to be wanted and they stopped hurting me. Don't know if it makes any sense.

About you working on yourself so the things would get better... maybe you could just take care of yourself instead and then other things will fall into place? Easy to say, I didn't quite know how to take care of myslef... untill somebody showed me how to start.

Welcome here anyway and enjoy Smiler
G grannysmith82Member
Yes what you said makes sense and thanks for the welcome. I put unwanted feelings b/c I dont like to always experience them and it's hard b/c I cant always let them out. I tend to cry over it you can say. Its the worst at, and forgive me but its the only way to explain it, that womanly time of the month when hormones are everywhere.

Yes it's hard to know where to start to take steps to taking care of yourself when really Ive never done that. I am going to start working on getting my GED so that is a start.

only thing today was my mom recently got a part time job. which is great b/c she has been unemployed as well, but today it seemed she was acting all high and mighty about it and asked what I was gonna do after I got my GED. she takes care of her dad, my grandfather so I guess you can say that runs in the family.

I just dont like being taken advantage of and everyone has done it. but its ok to not be so nice at times because like my aunt said to me once, which is the truth; One time your not nice and not do things for other people is when they start to get mad that you aren't. suddenly you are the bad guy.
jonesjonesMember
Hi GS -

I've tended to be a caregiver in my life too. My T is slowly teaching me about boundaries, about knowing how to own what I do and seeing when and where I make the choices to do the things I do. It's hard. I guess I always thought boundaries were about putting limits up with other people, which I'm not so good at. But it seems like it's more about knowing who I am and what I want and acting in line with that, rather than being confused all the time and giving mixed messages. So very much what you and Amazon are saying - "if I can work on me then other stuff will fall into place" - I think that's very wise.

For me, "working on me" at the moment involves my homework of keeping a log of how I spend my time. My T started me on this a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't do it at first, I got freaked out and then sick, but last week I managed it and it was amazingly settling. Today my T said it was a way of 'holding myself in mind'. It's like somehow I tend to forget myself, time disappears and I'm really easy to push off track because I don't know what I'm doing at any given moment. Keeping the log seems to keep me checking in with myself, almost like a mum checking in with a baby to see what it needs. It feels really nice to do, especially knowing my T is supporting it.

Writing seems like a nice way to learn about and care for yourself - writing for yourself and for us too! Smiler

Take care,
Jones
helpfreudhelpfreudMember
You are lucky in a way because you are relatively young and starting to do something about your situation. Just keep it up. A lot of us always feel guilty about not doing enough for our loved ones.

Also, I spend a lot of my time fritting and fretting over so many things I wonder how I get anything constructive done and it's a bad habit to break; worse as you get older.
Good luck in decifering it all.

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