Every now and then brain steps back and shows me the bigger picture; It's not all about me and my lone battle with the effects of psychopathy.

Despite the years required to undo many of those effects, I happen to think I have faired pretty well compared to others that might not have made it this far. There is very little written about its effects on children ( net wise) and the kind of treatment available to them. Do they ever 'get there' unscathed?

I've debated the subject with his shrinkness a few times saying it cant be achieved, because there is too much damage done to bubby's brain in infancy. How can it be undone with any kind of therapy? Admittedly, I have said those things to him when the need arose for me to up the anti in hopes that he will pull out that magic wand, and dust it off so I can start all over again. And what I mean by that, is to feel love.

Others don’t see the scars. They think I am as sane as they are, and have always been like this.

I know my sister was very unnerved by the changes in me the last time we met. We hadnt seen each other for near twenty years. Despite my attempts to make her feel comfortable she was every thing but. Not my problem! And when she started with her old stand over tactics I soon finished it with a few firm words of 'back off.' My sister ran. She couldn’t cope with the amount of anger she had in store, and knew the game was over. I wouldn’t be manipulated by her anymore. I didn’t feel the need to be. Big sis was no longer the 'prize' I wanted nor was I going to cop her anger that should have been directed at mum. At that time I had had near thirty years of therapy. Did big sis realize she was her mothers daughter too?

I keep reading that there are no winners when dealing with sociopaths, only survivors. Us three kids survived emotionally but on a very different level to each other.

T tells me the condition is slowly decreasing in numbers, and it will phase out in time. Meantime, I cant help but wonder how many more Muff's there are out there waiting to be born to the 'condition.'

PS: The answers to my questions came in a dream about this post. It was something I had forgotten.

What was it?

Answer: T found self love.



“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” ~ Helen Keller