im realizing after i wrote this that it wasnt all for nothing, even if i do decide to leave.
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Hi DaRock
It doesn't sound as if you have been good match with your T but i am glad that you are at least able to see that there has been some use or benefit from the last 3 years. I agree with what draggers said on the other thread. Sometimes is is the feeling that the relationship with your T brings out that really needs to be focused on rather than whether the T is good or bad.
To give you an example of what i mean, i struggle a lot with feeling unwanted in life, and i felt very strongly for large parts of my therapy that my T didn't really want me as a client, he never reassured me or made me feel wanted. So yes, i could leave and say it was a bad match or you can knuckle down and say, right, what on earth is going on here, what is this feeling all about. I recommend that route by the way.
Where else in your life don't you trust, who else manipulates you? Those are some of the questions that need asking.
Pan
It doesn't sound as if you have been good match with your T but i am glad that you are at least able to see that there has been some use or benefit from the last 3 years. I agree with what draggers said on the other thread. Sometimes is is the feeling that the relationship with your T brings out that really needs to be focused on rather than whether the T is good or bad.
To give you an example of what i mean, i struggle a lot with feeling unwanted in life, and i felt very strongly for large parts of my therapy that my T didn't really want me as a client, he never reassured me or made me feel wanted. So yes, i could leave and say it was a bad match or you can knuckle down and say, right, what on earth is going on here, what is this feeling all about. I recommend that route by the way.
Where else in your life don't you trust, who else manipulates you? Those are some of the questions that need asking.
Pan
hi pandora,
so you are saying that staying in the therapy is the best route?
it sounded to me like you said i was not a good match for the T. and then it sounded like you said that finding out what i feel and understanding it was a better route.
one thing you said lead me to believe you had the impression the T was a bad match and the next thing you said seemed to me that you felt the match was less important than sticking with the therapist and understanding what the problem is.
im not totally clear if you mean one or the other.
who else in my life do i not trust? who else in my life manipulates me? i'd say almost everyone. there are very few people that i trust.
so you are saying that staying in the therapy is the best route?
it sounded to me like you said i was not a good match for the T. and then it sounded like you said that finding out what i feel and understanding it was a better route.
one thing you said lead me to believe you had the impression the T was a bad match and the next thing you said seemed to me that you felt the match was less important than sticking with the therapist and understanding what the problem is.
im not totally clear if you mean one or the other.
who else in my life do i not trust? who else in my life manipulates me? i'd say almost everyone. there are very few people that i trust.
Hi Rock
Ah yes, my zigzagging logic often needs extra explanation. I am actually saying none of the above.
What i am saying is that if your struggle with your T matches the troubles you are having in other areas of your life and IF you can find a way to get past the surface discomfort / conflicts with her and work on the underlying pattern of struggling to trust, it could be very beneficial for you.
You are already struggling to trust her and feeling manipulated so it is all there, in the foreground. All the work you need to do is manifesting in your relationship with her already and therapy is the one place where you stand a chance of learning to do it differently to how you habitually do.
It is only a suggestion because without knowing much about either of you it is impossible to tell whether she is actually harming you or helping you.
But where i am coming from is that sometimes i think our resistance to facing our pain can get unbearable just before a major break through and if you switch T's at that point instead of helping yourself you dodge actually feeling the pain and end up prolonging the agony.
I hope that is a bit clearer. Ultimately you are the only one who truly knows what is best for you and you need to trust yourself on this.
Pan
Ah yes, my zigzagging logic often needs extra explanation. I am actually saying none of the above.
What i am saying is that if your struggle with your T matches the troubles you are having in other areas of your life and IF you can find a way to get past the surface discomfort / conflicts with her and work on the underlying pattern of struggling to trust, it could be very beneficial for you.
You are already struggling to trust her and feeling manipulated so it is all there, in the foreground. All the work you need to do is manifesting in your relationship with her already and therapy is the one place where you stand a chance of learning to do it differently to how you habitually do.
It is only a suggestion because without knowing much about either of you it is impossible to tell whether she is actually harming you or helping you.
But where i am coming from is that sometimes i think our resistance to facing our pain can get unbearable just before a major break through and if you switch T's at that point instead of helping yourself you dodge actually feeling the pain and end up prolonging the agony.
I hope that is a bit clearer. Ultimately you are the only one who truly knows what is best for you and you need to trust yourself on this.
Pan