((((((Ag)))))))

I'm glad that at least the asthma has cleared up..I've been thinking about you as I've been on a break from the forum as well, and hoping you and all my friends here are doing well. I'm sorry to hear that things are so rough still. I'm very glad you will be seeing your lovely T and that he will help you to sort things out and feel real again. I am thinking of you and sending prayers,

Love,

BB

((((AG))))

I know how seeing something like that would throw me and I can only imagine how it would throw you. It just really sucks, doesn't it? My T keeps trying to get me to stay focused on my relationship with him and not compare ours with his other relationships. Small comfort, I know, when they have become basically the center of our universe.

Good luck on Tuesday. Hope you find some peace.

xoxoxo

Liese

Good luck Tuesday, AG. Ouch. I hope you can find some peace. You deserve it. I hope things ease up for you soon. You've had quite the extra helping of negative things come your way. Hang in there!!

(((AG)))

MTF

AG,

Sending energy your way for Tuesday. Also hoping that things ease up for you and give you a break from all this stress and issues you are dealing with.

LG

Yaku,
What a great concept, a “catch a break” store, I think it would do very good business. And I so understand what you’re saying about the other client. That happened once to me when there were two of us waiting for my T. He said excuse me, stepped back into his office, then called her in, then she left quite calmly, then he asked me in. I was so agitated I knocked over a huge stack of magazines in the waiting room, said I’d get them later and shot into his office, then tried to ignore the whole thing. (Did NOT get away with that!) He told me during the discussion that whoever is written in his appt book gets the appointment so there’s no “choosing” being done by him. I see it with my husband also. He likes and trusts our T, but it’s just not a big deal. Our past traumas just mean we bring a kind of intensity to this relationship that a lot of people don’t. I so appreciate people hear understanding why it would be such a big deal as a lot of people don’t. Thank you.

Morgs,
You are too funny Morgs! I would love to meet you in person as anyone this expressive in text only would have to be a total hoot in person!

Thanks for reminder to breathe. It’s always helpful.

LL,

Thanks for the understanding and support LL. I was so glad to read that you think you have found a T, sorry to have not responded on your thread. Sending you lots of good wishes

Monte,
Now there’s something I haven’t tried, going on strike!! I’ll have to give that a try. Thank you for the prayers, they’re deeply appreciated. I have been reading your updates even though I haven’t been responding and you’re doing amazing work my dear. Hard and painful, yes, but also amazing.


Hemlock,
Thank you so much, especially for your endurance. But seriously, it meant so much to me to read what you said about my journey helping yours. It was especially welcome when fighting such a deep sense of shame.

quote:

If our relationships with our T's aren't real, then is the sense of healing even real? Smoke & mirrors make for good parlor tricks but a bad foundation for recovering our lost selves. ARGH!

The worst part about this is that I *know* my relationship is real with my T, but it’s not enough right now in the face of the intensity of the feelings being kicked up. There is a frustration about that which is adding to my sense of shame. As in, why am I back here again? It’s the main reason I am going back to see him. I will not lose what we have built together but I don’t feel like I can past this myself nor the damage these feelings would do if unaddressed. And please don’t be too impressed by my bravery (especially until I actually go there ) My T has been very consistent, accepting and caring over the long haul and responded beautifully every time I’ve had to share something difficult. He has created a very deep sense of safety by being so trustworthy. It doesn’t take all that much courage to speak in such an environment. It’s one of the things that I am very grateful to him for.

Thanks again, Hemlock, it was very kind of you to say all that.

((((Beebs)))) Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, they are always welcome. I hope that your break is helping. Much love from your Aglet.

MTF,
Thanks for the support, and peace sounds wonderful. It helps so much to be able to come here.

(((LG)))
Thank you. I am sorry for everything your facing right now.


Thank you all for all the hugs also, it really helps knowing so many people care.

The plant came back up Saturday evening so my husband was actually off on Sunday and is back on normal hours. It also helped that I had a chance to talk to him about the book and seeing my T (I hate going without him knowing but he was so stressed last week there wasn’t a good time to talk about it especially since I was so embarrassed and afraid he wouldn’t understand.) His response was so understanding and supportive. He IMMEDIATELY understood why it would bother me (he knows me really well as well as our T so he REALLY got why this particular woman’s accomplishments would be so painful to learn about) but was also very encouraging that I would feel better after seeing my T.

All that said, I’m a combination of activated, freaked out and just plain scared today. I was driving to work this morning fantisizing about just leaving a check and a note saying “sorry, I just couldn’t face you” on his door and running away. I know it’s going to be ok, that I really can talk to him, but it still feels close to impossible right now. I have to keep reminding myself how well he has reacted in the past to things I have been afraid or ashamed to speak of, and how much better I have felt after talking to him.

Sorry for the long absences, it’s a combo of activation and life busyness, I appreciate that you are all so willing to give so freely, expecting nothing in return. I’ll post an update tomorrow after I’ve seen my T.

hugs to all,
AG

(((AG))) I'm sure everything with will go OK (as you seem to already know deep down), but I too have entertained that check and note fantasy a number of times before a session. I hope you are really able to take in your T's presence, acceptance and care today.

I hope it went well today, Aglet!

Love Beebs

Really hope you managed to have a good session AG.

Looking forward to your update.

Hugs
Butterfly

(((AG))) you've had a shitload happening for too long!! I just know/feel you will get a tip top terrific recharge from meeting up with your belovedT (he will also - guaranteed you're one of his dearest ever!!)

This may sound a bit out there - but would you and he be open to 3 monthly meet ups for a bit!!

s and love to you AG.

Wishing you all the best with your session today ((((((( AG )))))))

LL