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6 replies

update about T and transference...

frogfrogMember
Hi dear forum friends, wanted to let you know why i`ve been absent and not supporting anyone for a long time here. so sorry about that.
+ say i am probably gonna stay in lurkdom for a while.

It`s so much going on with T (and school) these days. So, some of you might remember that i told T about my erotic/paternal transference feelings for him some weeks ago (i posted about that 'pandoras box session' here somewhere some weeks ago, i think) and we`re still working on that, back and forth, on the same track.
since i feel like i constantly expose my self in this work, i get extra vulnerable about sharing stuff here on forum about it so i`d rather feel like hiding a bit, you know?

Telling T about my fantasies and daydreams sort of stuff, is soooo emberrassing and cost me so much. (read: shame and frustration) I dont know were this track will lead me, or if it ever will lead to a 'solving' of the bonding.. anyone managed?-then please speak up! Big Grin

He`s still just wonderfully calm and accepting and understnading about it all, and he has a analytical approach to it, which i apprecciate. i am ok, but not super glad about the fact that he will meet my parents at home next week and (of course) didnt tell me about it. Today he cancelled the session wich was bad timing and rare of him to do.
So this is were i am at the moment, thanks for listening. hopefully i`ll be back soon and manage to make more sense of it all.

Thinking of you all, hugs
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S sadlyMember
Gosh Frog, I so admire what you are doing, you are ahead of me here as I have hinted that the same is going on for me but not out right talked about it, so you give me inspiration so thank you deeply for posting. It must be HELL at times, feeling that exposed. You are amazing. I really do think you are doing brilliantly. I hope I can do the same in T in due course.
I am sorry he cancelled and it is very hard him mixing with your parents socially - my goodness, no wonder you find all this hard. AT least I don't ever meet my P OUT of therapy.
thank you again for posting on such an intimate and private topic. Brilliant.
frogfrogMember
Sadly- how kind of you to say those things to me. thank you. I am glad my struggling and posting abut it, can be inspiring for you as well. I`ll try to suck up your words, yet i feel nothing but exposed and rejected when i tell T about this feelings of mine, no matter how empathic he`s responses are.. Arrg, It`s hard to avoid isnt it? It`s been lasting for 2 years or something, but i do hold clingue to th hope that it will change bit by bit. Lol, it doenst make it esiear for me to accept this feelings, when he`s an old man, and i am just this youth compared to him. Can i ask you ahve long you´ve dealt with this transeference with your T? Did it accour just resently?

T will meet my parents at a psych-conferance thursday (thei`re kind of collegas), but i am ok with it, or heck, i dont know really. But i will and can talk to T about this, (again) hopefully monday and friday when i have my sessions. Just hope he`s not still sick...

- overwhelmed but ok frog-
pfpfMember
Froggie, thanks for the update!

I'm sure it must feel incredibly hard and embarrassing to talk about fantasies and daydreams you have about someone to their face and know that nothing is going to happen.
I still think you should be proud of that, be glad that you have it out in the open and can talk about it. No more hiding, no more obsessing (or now in a different way maybe Big Grin).
I don't know much about transference but I totally understand how it can happen. And I would feel rejected, too. But try not to think of it that way. He's accepting it. He's not rejecting it and not provoking it: it's there and it's okay.

That with your parents, wow! Yikes, poor Froggy! (((((Frog))))
Will think of you on Thursday!
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
Hi Frog,
Thanks for the update, I have been wondering about how you were doing. I totally feel for you about how uncomfortable it is to sit and talk to someone about the feelings you have with them, as I did quite a bit of it with my T. I do feel like we worked it through, but "working it through" turned out very different than I expected. I still have very strong feelings about my T, including being attracted, but I accept the feelings now, as well as accepting the boundaries in place. It doesn't consume or hurt me the way it used to (full disclosure: it can occasionally still hurt, but it's not for long) And one thing I will tell you is that talking about all these feelings for him and talking about our relationship as it was going on between us led to so much healing and understanding. And as time went on my feelings for my T have really shifted much more over into paternal feelings.

I also found, Froggy, when we were working together, that the erotic feelings getting really strong were often because I was trying to avoid something.

And don't apologize for not posting. When you're doing really intense work in therapy, it often doesn't leave you energy for other things. We're here and we'll be looking forward to when you can post again. Take care.

AG
S sadlyMember
Sorry Frog, just checked in now, having a bit of a raw time.

I have had strong feelings about my P whilst not in a session. When in a session I seem to respond to him as a father figure or as a collegue strangely.

The fantasies about him only went on for a few weeks, but they were really worrying me even though I knew it was 'normal' and the nearest I could do about telling him was to say that my teenage self had a crush on him. As soon as I said that, my fantasies around him vanished.

I suspect that some of my stuff is around the fact that I am doing EMDR work and that when I touch early abuse issues and release a bit, my sexual energy seems to unleash - and that is quite unusual for me. And I have stuff about my father and my sexuality and the p is a father figure, so it all got a bit muddled up.

I fully suspect it will come back with a vengeance so I hope to be able to follow your progress if you post about it as I shall need some of your 'ahead of me' advice. LOL

There is nothing that you can say that will shock them, only sometimes their own stuff is triggered and they have to go and work with that in supervision ... so really, anything you need to say, is okay in therapy.

It is interesting how even talking about these difficult subjects brings in an intimacy to the relationship which at the limbic resonance level, is hugely healing.

take care, S

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