Well - my T hasn't mentioned the e-mail at all, but she has been different, no yelling, or name calling, and seems to really being showing how much she gets my attachment to her. At my session yesterday, the first one in two weeks, and since I sent her the e-mail, I felt like she once again liked me, and the person that I am capable of becoming.
She could just be super excited about her vacation though?
But she is really going to great lengths it seems, to make sure that I can stay connected to her during her trip. I feel so guilty about it though. She should be able to get away from work, like anyone else, and relax & have fun with her friends. (I wish I was one of them
SHe invited me to her office again this week, at no charge, for what I believe will be to create a plan for while she is gone.
She sent me a text last night, after our session, asking me to come to her office this Thursday, which is her last office day before she leaves. She didn't say why, just that this would be "Step 1". Of course my insecure self, immediately had a physical reaction in the pit of my stomach, thinking, OMG - she is going to fire me, or say we are done, or something to that affect, that would basically be the end of the relationship. She assured me that that wasn't the case.
I have so much going on in my head right now. She still thinks I use "high drama" which does not help me at all. I get that, in a way, but I don't always think of it as drama. For instance, this morning I sent her a text, regarding some health issues currently going on. I told her I was trying NOT to use "drama", but that I was still worried about the situation. At one point in my text, (yes, I'm long winded there as well), I used the word "yikes", and she called me and said that this was what she would call drama. The word "Yikes", people, seriously.
I know I am very over emotional. I cried at work today, which is never good, but it was when my boss was chastising me, but also trying to reassure me at the same time. (if that makes any sense) I just hate that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and my insecurities are all visible for the world to see.
This, is what I think she means by drama, but I don't know that I can help it. At least not yet, I don't think I'm strong enough.
I'm sure with growth that this will change, but right now, this is who I am. In the past I probably would have been angry at my boss, for talking to me like that, and just held it in and gotten angry with myself. Now, I just stand there and cry.....feeling like a fool.
Uuughhh...Ok - this is where things are right now. T leaves on Friday. I need a vacation of my own, and I'm still broke.
No pity party, no drama.....just telling it like it is......thanks for being here.
GG